Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

N’chifukwa Chiyani Bwenzi Langa Linandikhumudwitsa?

“Ndinali ndi mabwenzi angapo . . . Kenako anayamba kucheza ndi mtsikana wina. Ndiye ndimati ndikafika pamene iwo akucheza, amasiya kulankhula. . . . Anayamba kundipatula pa chilichonse. Zinandipweteka kwambiri.”—Karen. *

ZINGACHITIKE kwa mabwenzi odalirana. Tsiku lina aŵiriwo angakhale ogwirizana kwambiri; tsiku lina osalankhulitsana m’pang’ono pomwe. “Bwenzi liyenera kukhala munthu amene ungam’dalire ndi kum’khulupirira, amene ungapiteko kuti akuthandize zivute zitani,” anatero Nora wazaka 17. Komabe, zimachitika nthaŵi zina kuti bwenzi lapamtima n’kumachita ngati mdani wako.

Ubwenzi Uli M’mavuto

Kodi chimawononga ubwenzi wabwino n’chiyani? Kwa Sandra, vuto linayamba pamene mnzake Megan anabwereka bulauzi yake. “Pamene anadzabweza,” anatero Sandra, “inali yakuda komanso yong’ambika pang’ono kudzanja. Koma sanandiuze, ngati kuti sindikanazindikira.” Kodi Sandra anamva bwanji chifukwa cha kusayamikira kwa Megan? “Zinandivundula mtima kwabasi,” anatero. “Zinaoneka ngati kuti sanayamikire zinthu zanga . . . komanso kuti sanandiganizireko.”

Mungakhumudwenso ngati bwenzi lanu lapamtima lichita kapena linena chinachake chokuchititsani manyazi. N’zimene zinachitikira Cindy pamene anauza gulu la anzake akusukulu kuti anali asanaŵerenge buku kuti akafotokoze za bukulo. Mosayembekezeka, mnzake Kate anayamba kum’dzudzula. “Anandichititsa manyazi pagulu la anzathu,” akukumbukira Cindy. “Ndinam’kwiyira kwambiri. Ndipo zinthu zinasinthiratu kuyambira pamenepo.”

Nthaŵi zina kusagwirizana kumayamba pamene mnzanu ayamba kugwirizana ndi mabwenzi atsopano. “Ndinali ndi bwenzi lapamtima limene linaloŵa m’kagulu kena ka mabwenzi,” anatero Bonnie wazaka 13. “Anayamba kundinyalanyaza.” Mwinamwake, mungayambe kuona zolinga zobisika mwa mnzanuyo paubwenzi wanu. “Ine ndi Bobby tinali mabwenzi enieni,” anatero Joe wazaka 13. “Ndinkaganiza kuti amandikonda chifukwa cha mmene ine ndilili. Koma ndinazindikira kuti amandikonda chifukwa abambo anga amagwira ntchito yotsatsa malonda ndipo iye amangopezerapo mwayi wa matikiti okaloŵera kumaseŵero ndi kumadansi.” Kodi Joe akuganiza bwanji tsopano? “Sindidzam’khulupiriranso Bobby!” anatero.

Nthaŵi zina bwenzi lingaulule zinsinsi kwa ena zomwe mumafuna kuti zikhalebe zinsinsi.  Mwachitsanzo, Allison anauza mnzake Sara za vuto limene mnzake wina wakuntchito anali nalo limene sanafune wina aliyense kulidziŵa. Tsiku lotsatira Sara anadzayambitsa nkhani ija pamaso pa mnzake wakuntchito uja. “Sindinayembekeze kuti angakhale wa m’kamwa chotero!” anatero Allison. “Ndinakwiya kwambiri.” Zimenezi zinam’chitikiranso Rachel wazaka 16 pamene bwenzi lake linaulula zimene aŵiriwa anakambirana mseri. “Ndinachita manyazi komanso ndinaona ngati wandivumbula,” anatero Rachel. “Ndinaganiza kuti, ‘Ndingadzam’khulupirirenso bwanji?’”

Ubwenzi ungakhale gwero la kulimbikitsana, makamaka pamene mumasamalirana, kukhulupirirana, komanso kulemekezana. Komatu, ngakhale ubwenzi waponda apa nane m’pondepo ungasokonezeke nthaŵi zina. Baibulo mosapita m’mbali limati: “Alipo mabwenzi okonda kuswana kukhala zidutswazidutswa.” (Miyambo 18:24, NW) Kaya chochititsa chikhale chotani, mungakhumudwebe mutaona kuti bwenzi lanu laulula zinsinsi zanu. N’chifukwa chiyani izi zimachitika?

Zimene Zimasokoneza Ubwenzi

Ubwenzi uliwonse wa anthu—kaya wa achinyamata kapena achikulire—sungakhale wopanda mavuto. N’zoona, zili ngati momwe wophunzira wachikristu Yakobo analembera kuti: “Timakhumudwa tonse pa zinthu zambiri. Munthu akapanda kukhumudwa pa mawu, iye ndiye munthu wangwiro, wokhoza kumanganso thupi lonse.” (Yakobo 3:2; 1 Yohane 1:8) Chifukwa chakuti aliyense amalakwa, tiyenera kuyembekezera kuti nthaŵi ina iliyonse mnzathu adzatichitira kapena adzanena chinachake chomwe chidzatipweteka. Mwina mukukumbukira nthaŵi imene munakhumudwitsapo mnzanu ameneyo. (Mlaliki 7:22) “Tonse tili opanda ungwiro, ndipo nthaŵi zina tidzalakwirana,” anatero Lisa wazaka 20.

Kuphatikiza pa kupanda kwathu ungwiro, pali zinthu zina zomwe zingasokoneze ubwenzi. Kumbukirani kuti pamene mukukula ndi kukhwima, zokonda zanu komanso za anzanu, zimasintha. N’chifukwa chake, anthu aŵiri amene poyamba amagwirizana kwambiri angazindikire kuti pang’ono ndi pang’ono ayamba kusiyana. Mtsikana wina anadandaula chifukwa cha bwenzi lake lapamtima kuti: “Sitiimbirananso telefoni kaŵirikaŵiri, ndipo ngati tikulakhulana, sitigwirizana pa chilichonse ngati kale.”

Zoonadi, kungosiya kuchezerana sindiyo nkhani. Nanga n’chifukwa chiyani anthu ena amakhumudwitsa mabwenzi awo? Nthaŵi zambiri chimachititsa ndi nsanje. Mwachitsanzo, zingachitike kuti mnzanu wayamba kukuchitirani kaduka chifukwa cha maluso anu kapena zomwe mumakhoza kuchita. (Yerekezani ndi Genesis 37:4; 1 Samueli 18:7-9.) Monga momwe Baibulo limafotokozera, “nsanje ivunditsa mafupa.” (Miyambo 14:30) Imabala kudukidwa komanso mpikisano. Kaya chochititsa chikhale chotani, mungatani ngati bwenz lakukhumudwitsani?

Kukonzanso Zinthu

“Choyamba,” akutero Rachel, “ndimayamba ndam’penda munthuyo kuti ndione ngati zimene wachitazo ndi dala.” Pamene wina wakuchotserani ulemu mwa zonena kapena zochita zake, zimene mukuganiza kuti ndi mwano, musachite phuma chifukwa chokhudzidwa mtima kwambiri. M’malo mwake, fatsani ndiponso ganizirani vutolo. (Miyambo 14:29) Kodi kuchita phuma kwanu pa mwanowo kudzawongolera mkhalidwewo? Mutaganizira kaye za nkhani yonseyo, mungasankhe kutsata uphungu wopezeka pa Salmo 4:4: “Chitani chinthenthe, ndipo musachimwe: nenani mumtima mwanu pakama panu, ndipo mukhale chete.” Ndiyetu mungasankhe kuti ‘chikondano chikwiriritse unyinji wa machimo.’—1 Petro 4:8.

Bwanji nanga ngati mukuona kuti simungangoiŵala zokhumudwitsa zimene wachitazo? Ngati zili choncho, zingakhale bwino kukambirana ndi munthuyo. “Kumanani aŵirinu, ndi kukambirana chomwe chinachitika,” anatero Frank wazaka 13. “Ngati simutero mudzasungirana chakukhosi.” Susan wazaka 16 anaganiza mofananamo. Iye anati; “Choyenera kuchita ndi kuwauza anzakowo kuti umawakhulupirira koma akukhumudwitsa.” Jacqueline nayenso akuti ndi bwino kusamalira nkhaniyo mwa kukambirana inu aŵiri. Anati: “Ndimayesetsa kuti tikambirane nkhaniyo. Nthaŵi zambiri, munthuyo amakhala womasuka ndipo mungakonze zinthu mosavuta nthaŵi yomweyo.”

Zoonadi, muyenera kusamala kuti musamufikire mnzanu mutakwiya. Baibulo limati:  “Munthu wozaza aputa makani; koma wosakwiya msanga atonthoza makangano.” (Miyambo 15:18) Choncho yembekezani mpaka mkwiyo wanu utatha ndiye yambani kuthetsa vutolo. “Umakwiya poyamba,” anavomereza Lisa, “koma uyenera kuyembekeza kuti mtima ukhale m’malo kaye. Yembekezani mpaka mutasiya mkwiyo wanu wotukusira umene munali nawo ndi munthuyo. Ndiyeno pitani kwa munthuyo ndi kukhala naye pansi kukambirana za vutolo mwamtendere.”

Mawu ofunikira ndi “mwamtendere.” Kumbukirani, cholinga chanu sikudzudzula mnzanu ayi. Cholinga chanu ndi kuthetsa vutolo mwamtendere, ndipo ngati n’kotheka, kukonzanso ubwenzi wanu. (Salmo 34:14) Chotero lankhulani moona mtima. “Munganene kuti, ‘Pajatu ndine bwenzi lako, iwenso ndiwe bwenzi langa; ndangoti ndidziŵe kuti chinachititsa zimene zija n’chiyani,’” analingalira motero Lisa. “Mufunikira kudziŵa chifukwa chimene anachitira zimenezo. Mutachizindikira chifukwacho, kumakhala kosavuta kuthetsa vutolo.”

Kukakhala kulakwa ngati mukafuna kubwezera, kapena kum’dyera miseche munthuyo n’cholinga choti mukope ena kukhala kumbali yanu. Mtumwi wachikristu Paulo analembera Aroma kuti: “Musabwezere munthu aliyense choipa chosinthana ndi choipa.” (Aroma 12:17) Inde, kaya mukhumudwe chotani, kubwezera kudzangoipitsiratu zinthu. “Kubwezera sikuthandiza,” anatero Nora, “chifukwa simudzakhalanso mabwenzi.” Kusiyana ndi zimenezo, anawonjezera kuti kuchita zonse zotheka kukonzanso ubwenzi “kumakuchititsa kudziyesa munthu wabwinopo.”

Koma bwanji ngati bwenzi lanu silikulabadira kuyesayesa kwanu koti muyanjanenso? Zitatero, kumbukirani kuti mabwenzi amakhala osiyana. “Sikuti bwenzi lililonse lidzakhala lodalirika,” anatero mlangizi wa mabanja Judith McCleese. “Dziŵani kuti mabwenzi anu adzakhala anthu osiyanasiyana.” Komabe mungakhazike mtima pansi podziŵa kuti mwachita mbali yanu yofuna kubwezeretsa mtendere. Mtumwi Paulo analemba kuti: ‘Ngati n’kutheka, monga momwe mukhoza, khalani ndi mtendere ndi anthu onse.’—Aroma 12:18.

Mavuto adzakhalapobe ngakhale pakati pa mabwenzi enieni. Ngati mungapirire mavutoŵa osawalola kukusokonezani maganizo n’kuyamba kuona ena molakwa kapena kukuwonongerani ulemu wanu, ndiye kuti mukukula kukhala munthu wachikulire wokhwima maganizo. Ngakhale kuti ena angakhale “okonda kuswana kukhala zidutswazidutswa,” Baibulo limatitsimikizira kuti ‘lilipo bwenzi lipambana mbale kuumirira.’—Miyambo 18:24.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Zithunzi patsamba 31]

Mungapulumutse ubwenzi mwa kukambirana zimene zinachititsa vutolo