IZINGXABANO nabasemzini noma nabasekhweni zingaba yinto osomahlaya abahlekisa ngayo, kodwa ekuphileni kwangempela le ndaba ayihlekisi neze. UReena, inkosikazi yaseNdiya, uthi: “Iminyaka eminingi umamezala wayegxambukela emshadweni wethu. Ngangivame ukukhiphela intukuthelo yami kumyeni wami ngoba phela ngangingenakukwenza lokho kunina. Kwakuba sengathi sidonsisana ngaye, kudingeke ukuba akhethe ukuthi uthanda bani.”

Kungani abanye abazali bengenela ekuphileni kwezingane zabo ezishadile? UJenny, ocashunwe ekuqaleni, usitshela esinye sezizathu okungenzeka sibangela le nkinga. Uthi: “Kungase kube nzima ngabo ukwamukela ukuthi ingane yabo isizonakekelwa omunye umuntu osemusha nongenalwazi olungako.” UDilip, umyeni kaReena, usitshela esinye isizathu. Uthi: “Abazali abaye bazidela ngenxa yengane yabo futhi bayikhulisa ngothando bangase bazizwe sengathi sebeyaqheliswa. Kungase kubakhathaze ngempela nokuthi indodana noma indodakazi yabo ayinakho ukuhlakanipha kokwenza umshado uphumelele.”

Iqiniso liwukuthi ngezinye izikhathi abantu abashadile yibona ababafakayo abasemzini noma abasekhweni. Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngabashadikazi, uMichael noLeanne, abahlala e-Australia. UMichael uthi: “ULeanne uvela emndenini obumbene futhi uma bexoxa uyabona nje ukuthi bayazwana. Ngakho, ngemva kokuba sishadile, wayexoxa noyise ngezinqumo  empeleni okwakumelwe zithathwe yithi. Uyise wayemnika amacebiso ahlakaniphile, kodwa kwakungiphatha kabi ukuthi wayencamela ukuya kuye kunokuba eze kimi!”

Kusobala ukuthi ukungezwani nabasekhweni nabasemzini kungabangela ingcindezi enkulu emshadweni. Ingabe kunjalo nasemshadweni wakho? Uphathana kanjani nabazali boshade naye futhi owakwakho uphathana kanjani nabakho? Cabangela izinkinga ezimbili ezingase ziphakame nalokho ongakwenza ngazo.

Oshade naye ubonakala esondelene kakhulu nabazali bakhe. ULuis, indoda yaseSpain, uthi: “Umkami wayenomuzwa wokuthi uma singahlala kude nabazali bakhe, kuyoba sengathi uyabalahla.” Uyanezela: “Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngemva kokuzalwa kwendodana yethu, abazali bami babengapheli emzini wethu futhi lokho kwakumphula umoya futhi kusixabanise.”

Amaqiniso:

Lapho lichaza ilungiselelo lomshado, iBhayibheli lithi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, “indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina inamathele kumkayo babe nyamanye.” (Genesise 2:24) Ukuba “nyamanye” kusho okungaphezu kokuhlala ndawonye. Eqinisweni kusho ukuthi indoda nomfazi bakha umndeni wabo omusha—oza kuqala kunemindeni abaphuma kuyo. (1 Korinte 11:3) Yebo, indoda nenkosikazi kudingeka baqhubeke behlonipha abazali babo, futhi ngokuvamile lokho kusho ukubanaka. (Efesu 6:2) Kuthiwani uma ukunaka koshade naye abazali bakhe kukwenza uzizwe sengathi wena awusanakiwe?

Lokho Ongakwenza:

Bheka isimo ngeso elibanzi. Ingabe ngempela owakwakho usondelene ngokweqile nabakubo noma inkinga ukuthi wena awunabo ubuhlobo obufanayo nabazali bakho? Uma kunjalo, indlela owakhula ngayo inamuphi umthelela endleleni obheka ngayo isimo? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi mhlawumbe unesikhwele?—IzAga 14:30; 1 Korinte 13:4; Galathiya 5:26.

Ukuze uphendule le mibuzo, kudingeka uzihlole ngobuqotho. Kubaluleke ngempela ukuba ukwenze lokhu. Phela uma njalo nje nixatshaniswa abasekhweni noma abasemzini, empeleni nisuke seninenkinga emshadweni wenu, hhayi nabazali benu.

Izinkinga eziningi emshadweni zibangelwa ukuthi abantu abashadile ababheki izinto ngendlela efanayo. Zama ukungena ezicathulweni zoshade naye. (Filipi 2:4; 4:5) Yilokho okwenziwa u-Adrián, indoda eshadile yaseMexico. Uthi: “Umkami wakhula kabuhlungu futhi wahlukumezeka ngokomzwelo, ngakho ngakugwema ukusondelana kakhulu nabasekhweni. Ekugcineni, nganquma ukubunqamula ngokuphelele ubuhlobo, futhi kwaphela iminyaka ngingaxhumani nabo. Lokhu kwabangela izingxabano emshadweni wethu ngoba umkami wayesabafuna abakubo, ikakhulu unina.”

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, u-Adrián wayibuka ngelinye iso le ndaba. Uthi: “Nakuba ngazi ukuthi kuyamlimaza umkami ukuxhumana njalo nabazali bakhe, ukungaxhumani nabo ngokuphelele nakho kungadala izinkinga. Ngiye ngazama ngokusemandleni ukubulungisa ubuhlobo bami nabasekhweni nokubugcina bubuhle.” *

Abasemzini noma abasekhweni bahlale bengenela emshadweni wenu, beninika izeluleko ningabacelanga. UNelya, inkosikazi yaseKazakhstan, uthi: “Ngemva kokushada ngahlala emzini iminyaka engu-7. Abazali bomyeni wami babeyigxeka njalo indlela esasikhulisa ngayo izingane zethu  nendlela engipheka nengihlanza ngayo indlu. Ngaxoxa nomyeni wami nomamezala wami ngalokhu, kodwa kwaba njengokungathi ngiyayibasela le ngxabano!”

Amaqiniso:

Lapho ushada, uyaphuma ngaphansi kwesandla sabazali bakho. IBhayibheli lithi “inhloko yawo wonke amadoda nguKristu; nenhloko yowesifazane yindoda”—okungukuthi, umyeni wakhe. (1 Korinte 11:3) Noma kunjalo, indoda nenkosikazi kufanele bahloniphe abazali babo, njengoba kuboniswe ngaphambili. Eqinisweni, izAga 23:22 ziyasitshela: “Lalela uyihlo owakuzala, futhi ungamedeleli unyoko ngoba nje esegugile.” Kuthiwani-ke uma abazali bakho—noma abazali boshade naye—beqa umngcele futhi bazame ukuphoqelela imibono yabo?

Lokho Ongakwenza:

Ngomoya wokucabangela, zama ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebangela ukuba abazali bangenele. URyan, ocashunwe ekuqaleni, uthi: “Kwezinye izimo, abazali basuke bedinga ukwazi ukuthi basabalulekile ekuphileni kwabantwana babo.” Kungenzeka basuke bengahlosile ukungenela emshadweni wenu, futhi cishe lesi simo singasingathwa ngokusebenzisa umyalo weBhayibheli othi: “Qhubekani nibekezelelana futhi nithethelelana ngokukhululekile uma umuntu enesizathu sokukhononda ngomunye.” (Kolose 3:13) Kodwa yini okumelwe niyenze uma ukungenela kwabazali benu sekubangele uqhekeko phakathi kwenu?

Abanye abantu abashadile baye bafunda ukubekela abazali babo imingcele efanele. Lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele nibabekele imithetho. * Ngokuvamile, into okufanele uyenze ukubabonisa ngezenzo ukuthi owakwakho uza kuqala ekuphileni kwakho. Ngokwesibonelo, uMasayuki, indoda yaseJapan, uthi: “Ngisho nalapho abazali benu beveza imibono yabo, ningaveli nje niyamukele. Khumbulani ukuthi nakha umndeni omusha. Ngakho, buza owakwakho ukuthi yena uzizwa kanjani ngeseluleko sabazali benu.”

Izingxabano eziningi nabasemzini nabasekhweni zingancishiswa ngokuqonda izisusa zabo nangokungazivumeli ukuba zenze ubuhlobo benu bube muncu. Ngokuqondene nale ndaba, uJenny uyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi, lapho mina nomyeni wami sixoxa ngabazali bethu, sasivumela ukulawulwa imizwa, futhi sasizwisana ubuhlungu ngokukhuluma ngamaphutha enziwa abazali bomunye nomunye. Nokho, ekugcineni safunda ukuyeka ukushayana ngamaphutha abazali bethu, kodwa safunda ukuxazulula inkinga esisuke sibhekene nayo ngaleso sikhathi. Ukwenza kanjalo kuye kwasenza sazwana kakhulu njengendoda nenkosikazi.”