Abanye ochwepheshe bathi imizwa ehambisana nobuhlungu bokushonelwa ifika ngezigaba ezithile ezilandelanayo. Nokho, iqiniso liwukuthi abantu babhekana nokushonelwa ngezindlela ezingafani. Ingabe lokho kusho ukuthi abanye ababuzwa kangako ubuhlungu, noma ‘bayayifihla’ imizwa yabo? Cha. Nakuba ukwamukela ukuthi umuntu omthandayo ushonile nokuveza indlela ozizwa ngayo kungakusiza ululame, ayikho indlela eyodwa ‘efanele’ umuntu okufanele enze ngayo lapho eshonelwe. Indlela umuntu akhuliswe ngayo, ubuntu bakhe, izinto adlule kuzo ekuphileni nokuthi oshonile ufe kanjani, konke kunomthelela endleleni oshonelwe abhekana ngayo nobuhlungu.

Abashonelwe bangase bangazi ukuthi yini okufanele bayilindele ngemva kokushonelwa umuntu abamthandayo. Nokho, kunemizwa nezinkinga ezijwayelekile abangase bazilindele. Nakhu okunye kwakho:

Imizwa eqeda amandla. Ukukhala, ukukhumbula umuntu oshonile nokushintshashintsha okungalindelekile kwemizwa kuyizinto ezilindelekile. Lokhu kungase kubangelwe nawukukhumbula izinto ezithile ngomuntu oshonile, noma ukumphupha. Lapho umuntu eqala ukuzwa ukuthi othile ushonile, angase ethuke futhi angakholwa ukuthi ushone ngempela. UTiina ukhumbula indlela azizwa ngayo lapho umyeni wakhe uTimo, eshona ngokuzumayo. Uthi: “Lapho ngizwa, ngaba ndikindiki. Ngangingakwazi nokukhala. Ngezinye izikhathi kwakuba nzima ngisho nokuphefumula. Ngangingakholwa ukuthi ushone ngempela.”

Intukuthelo, ukukhathazeka nomuzwa wecala. U-Ivan uthi: “Ngemva kokushona kwendodana yethu u-Eric, eyayineminyaka engu-24, kwaphela isikhathi eside mina nomkami uYolanda sithukuthele! Kwasimangaza lokho ngoba asibona abantu abathukuthelayo. Sazizwa sinecala, sasizibuza ukuthi sasizame konke yini ukuze simsize.” U-Alejandro owashonelwa umkakhe owayesegule isikhathi eside, naye wayezizwa enecala. Uthi: “Ngaqale ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi uNkulunkulu wayengizwisa ubuhlungu ngoba kukhona okubi engikwenzayo. Kamuva ngangizizwa kabi ngokubeka uNkulunkulu icala ngalokho okwenzekile.” UKostas esikhulume ngaye esihlokweni esidlule, uthi: “Ngangimthukuthelela izikhathi eziningana uSophia ngokuthi wayefile. Kodwa ngangiphinde ngizizwe nginecala ngoba ukufa kwakhe kwakungelona iphutha lakhe.”

Ukungakwazi ukucabanga kahle. Ngezinye izikhathi umuntu oshonelwe angase angakwazi ukucabanga kahle. Ngokwesibonelo, angase acabange ukuthi lowo oshonile uyamuzwa noma uyambona. Kungase kube nzima nokukhumbula izinto, noma ukugxilisa ingqondo ezintweni azenzayo. UTiina uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngangithi uma ngixoxa nothile uthole ukuthi ingqondo yami ayikho lapho! Yayisuke icabanga ngezinto ezaziholele ekufeni kukaTimo. Kwakungicindezela kakhulu ukungakwazi ukugxilisa ingqondo yami entweni eyodwa.”

Ukungafuni ukuba phakathi kwabantu. Umuntu oshonelwe angase angathandi ukuba phakathi kwabantu. UKostas uthi: “Lapho nginabantu abashadile ngangivele ngizizwe ngingakufanele ukuba nabo. Kodwa ngangizizwa ngendlela efanayo nalapho nginabantu abangashadile.” Inkosikazi ka-Ivan, uYolanda, ithi: “Kwakuba nzima ukuba phakathi kwabantu ababekhononda ngezinkinga esasizibona ziwubala uma ziqhathaniswa nezethu! Bese kuba nabanye ababevele basixoxele ngezinto ezinhle ezazenziwa izingane zabo. Ngangibajabulela, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo kwakuba nzima ukukulalela lokho ababekusho. Mina nomyeni wami sasazi ukuthi ukuphila kuyaqhubeka, kodwa sasingenaso isifiso kanye nesineke sokulalela lezo zingxoxo.”

Izinkinga zempilo. Kuvamile ukuba kube noshintsho endleleni umuntu oshonelwe adla ngayo, isisindo somzimba nobude besikhathi asilalayo. Lapho u-Aaron  ekhumbula unyaka owalandela ukushona kukababa wakhe uthi: “Kwakuba nzima ukulala. Ngangiqwasha njalo ebusuku ngicabanga ngokushona kukababa.”

U-Alejandro ukhumbula ukuthi wayeba nokugula okungaqondakali. Uthi: “Udokotela wangihlola kaningi, kodwa engaboni lutho. Ngasola ukuthi ubuhlungu bokushonelwa yibo obabubangela ukugula kwami.” Lokho kugula kwagcina kuphelile. Noma kunjalo, ukuya kuka-Alejandro kudokotela kwakuyisinqumo esihle. Usizi lokushonelwa lungenza amasosha omzimba angasebenzi kahle, lwenze ukugula umuntu abevele enakho kube kubi nakakhulu noma lumbangele izifo ezintsha.

Ukungakwazi ukwenza izinto ezibalulekile. U-Ivan uthi: “Ngemva kokushona kuka-Eric kwadingeka sitshele izihlobo, abangane, nabanye abantu, njengomqashi wakhe nomastende wakhe. Kwakukhona namaphepha amaningi okwakufanele siwagcwalise. Ngemva kwalokho kwakufanele sihlele izinto zika-Eric. Konke lokhu kwakudinga sisebenzise ingqondo, kuyilapho sasizizwa sikhathele emzimbeni, engqondweni nasemoyeni.”

Kwabanye inkinga iqala lapho sekumelwe benze izinto ezazenziwa yilowo oshonile. Yilokho okwenzeka kuTiina. Uyachaza: “Izindaba zezimali nezebhizinisi zazinakekelwa uTimo. Manje kwase kuwumsebenzi wami, futhi lokho kwangenza ngacindezeleka nakakhulu. Ngangizokwazi yini ukukwenza konke lokhu ngaphandle kokumosha izinto?”

Izinkinga esikhulume ngazo zingasenza sicabange ukuthi asisoze sakwazi ukubhekana nosizi lokushonelwa. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kubuhlungu kakhulu ukushonelwa umuntu omthandayo. Nokho, ukukwazi lokho kungasiza abasanda kushonelwa ukuba babhekane kangcono nosizi lwabo. Khumbula nokuthi akubona bonke abantu abashonelwe ababa nazo zonke lezi zinkinga esikhulume ngazo ngenhla. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungabaduduza abashonelwe ukwazi ukuthi kuyinto evamile ukuzwa ubuhlungu obukhulu lapho ushonelwe.

Okufanele ukulindele: Ubuhlungu bokushonelwa buyancipha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Lokhu akusho ukuthi umuntu ululama ngokuphelele noma amkhohlwe umuntu amthandayo oshonile. Kodwa kancane kancane lobo buhlungu buyancipha. Bungase bubuye lapho umuntu ekhumbule into ethile noma ngezikhathi ezithile zonyaka. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi abantu abaningi baphinde bakwazi ukulawula imizwa yabo nokwenza izinto ezibalulekile zansuku zonke. Lokhu kwenzeka ikakhulu uma oshonelwe enomndeni noma abangane abamsizayo, futhi enza izinto ezithile ezimenza akwazi ukubhekana nosizi lwakhe.

Kuzothatha isikhathi esingakanani? Kwabanye kungathatha izinyanga ezimbalwa nje kuphela. Kodwa kwabaningi kungase kudlule unyaka noma emibili ngaphambi kokuba bazizwe bengcono. Kanti kunabanye abadinga isikhathi eside kakhulu kunalokho. * U-Alejandro uthi: “Kwaphela iminyaka engaba mithathu ngizwa ubuhlungu obukhulu.”

Yiba nesineke. Ungaziphoqi ukuba usheshe ululame. Khumbula ukuthi ubuhlungu bokushonelwa ngeke buhlale bukhona unomphela. Kodwa zikhona yini izinto ongazenza ukuze unciphise ubuhlungu obuzwayo manje futhi uvimbe ukuba bungagcini sebuqhubeka isikhathi eside kakhulu?