Jealousy Nearly Ruined My Life

JEALOUSY really began to affect me badly when I got married to my second husband, Mark. * Between us, we had to care for a number of stepchildren and deal with our former mates. The situation was sometimes unbearable. Whenever there was a family confrontation, it seemed that Mark did not stand up for me. I began to feel that he still loved his ex-wife. Instead of controlling my jealousy, I allowed it to take over my life. I felt threatened whenever Mark’s ex-wife was around.

I would constantly watch Mark, even watching his eyes to see where he was looking. I read into his looks things that were not even there. Sometimes I would openly accuse him of still being in love with his ex-wife. On one occasion he was so distressed by this that he got up and left a Christian assembly. I felt guilty before Jehovah. I made my family’s life miserable because ultimately the children were also affected. I hated myself for what I was doing, but no matter how hard I tried, I just could not seem to control my jealousy.

Instead of helping me, Mark began to retaliate. When I accused him, he would shout at me, “Jealous, you’re just jealous.” He even seemed to go out of his way to make me jealous. Maybe he thought that this would cure my jealousy, but it only made matters worse. He started to look at other women, commenting on how beautiful they looked. This made me feel even more inferior and unwanted. It got to the point where another emotion​—hatred—​raised its ugly head. At that stage, I was so mixed-up that I just wanted him and his family out of my life.

When the Bible says that “jealousy is rottenness to the bones,” that is exactly  what it is. (Proverbs 14:30) My health now started to be affected. I developed stomach ulcers that took a long time to heal. I continued to make my life miserable by being suspicious of everything that Mark did. I would go through his pockets, and if I found telephone numbers, I would phone to see who answered. Deep down I was so ashamed of myself, I would cry because of the shame before Jehovah. Yet I couldn’t stop myself. I was my own worst enemy.

My spirituality suffered to the point that I couldn’t pray anymore. I loved Jehovah and really wanted to do what was right. I knew all the scriptures relating to husbands and wives, but I was not able to apply them. For the first time in my life, I no longer wanted to live, despite the fact that I had wonderful children.

The elders in the Christian congregation were a great encouragement and tried their best to help me. But when they brought up the matter of my jealousy, I would deny it out of embarrassment, not wanting to admit that I had such a problem.

Eventually, my health deteriorated to such a degree that I had to go into the hospital for an operation. While there I realized that life could not go on as it was. Mark and I decided to separate for three months to examine our situation without being so emotionally involved. During this time something wonderful happened. In the Awake! magazine there appeared an article entitled “Help for Adult Children of Alcoholics.” *

You see, my mother was an alcoholic. Although I wasn’t physically abused, my parents never showed physical affection for each other or toward me. I cannot remember my mother ever holding me in her arms or telling me she loved me. So I actually grew up not really knowing how to love or, just as important, how to be loved.

My mother often told me about my father’s affairs and that she couldn’t trust him. So I guess I grew up not trusting men in general. Because of my upbringing, I always felt inferior to others, especially other women. Reading that Awake! article helped me to grasp the significance of these things. For the first time, I understood the root causes of my problem with jealousy.

I showed the Awake! article to my husband, Mark, and it also helped him to understand me better. Soon he and I were able to follow the Bible’s advice to couples who are thinking of separating. We made up. (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11) Now our marriage is better than it has ever been. We do most things together, especially when Christian activities are involved. Mark shows more empathy. Almost every day he tells me how much he loves me, and now I really believe it.

Whenever I know we are going to come into contact with Mark’s ex-wife, I pray to Jehovah for strength, asking him to help me behave in a mature Christian way. And it works. Even my feelings of animosity toward her are going away. I no longer dwell on negative thoughts or let my imagination run away with me.

I still get some improper feelings of jealousy. Only perfect life in God’s new world will completely rid me of it. In the meantime, I have learned to control jealousy, instead of allowing it to control me. Yes, jealousy nearly ruined my life, but thanks to Jehovah and his organization, I am now a much happier person, and my health is back to normal. Once again I have a strong relationship with my God, Jehovah.​—Contributed.

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