Children Deserve to Be Wanted and Loved

“GIVE a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back.” So wrote the 19th-century English writer and critic John Ruskin. Probably most parents will agree that it pays to love one’s children, not only because of the love received in return but, more important, because of the positive effect this love will have on them.

The book Love and Its Place in Nature observed, for example, that without love “children tend to die.” And Ashley Montagu, noted British-born anthropologist, went so far as to say: “The child who has not been loved is biochemically, physiologically, and psychologically very different from the one who has been loved. The former even grows differently from the latter.”

The Toronto Star reported on a study that reached similar conclusions. It said: “Children raised without being regularly hugged, caressed or stroked . . . have abnormally high levels of stress hormones.” Indeed, physical neglect during infancy “can have serious long-range effects on learning and memory.”

These findings emphasize the need for the physical presence of parents. Otherwise, how can strong ties develop between parent and child? But sorry to say, even in affluent parts of the world, the tendency now is to try to supply a child’s needs apart from his or her parents. Children are sent away to school, sent away to Sunday school, sent away to work, sent away to summer camp, and given money and sent away to places of recreation. Thrust out of the family nucleus, circling in orbit at a distance, as it were, millions of children naturally come to feel—if only subconsciously—neglected, unwanted, and unloved, surrounded by a hostile world of grown-ups. Such a prevailing feeling among children may be one reason why there are an estimated 3,000 street children in Berlin. Typical is young Micha, who said: “No one wanted me anymore.” A nine-year-old German boy similarly complained: “I would rather be our dog.”

Mistreatment of Children Takes Many Forms

Child neglect is a form of mistreatment that betrays a lack of what the Bible calls “natural affection.” (Romans 1:31; 2 Timothy 3:3) And it can lead to more sinister forms of mistreatment. For example, since the International Year of the Child in 1979, more attention has been directed to the problems of physical mistreatment and sexual abuse of children. Of course, accurate statistics are difficult to come by, and they vary from place to place. But there is little doubt that the scars sexually abused children carry into adulthood are difficult to erase.

Regardless of the form mistreatment takes, it sends children the message that they are unloved and unwanted. And this problem seems to be growing. According to the German newspaper Die Welt, “more and more children are growing up to be social cripples.” It adds: “Children lack the warmth of the nest. According to [Gerd Romeike, the director of a Hamburg child-guidance center], the emotional bonding between children and parents is becoming weaker, or it is never established in the first place. Such children  feel neglected, and their desire for security goes unfulfilled.”

Children who are denied their right to be wanted and loved may become bitter, taking out their frustrations on those who have neglected them or possibly on society as a whole. Fully a decade ago, a Canadian task-force report signaled the need for immediate action lest a whole generation “who think society doesn’t care about them” be lost.

Unloved and unwanted youngsters may be tempted to run away from home to escape their problems, only to find bigger ones in cities plagued with crime, drugs, and immorality. In fact, over 20 years ago, police estimated that 20,000 runaways under 16 were living in one U.S. metropolitan area alone. They were described as “the products of broken homes and brutality, often inflicted by alcoholic or drug-addicted parents. They take to the streets, use their bodies for survival and then, beaten by pimps and bereft of self-esteem, live in fear of reprisal if they attempt to escape the racket.” Sad to say, despite honest efforts to change this deplorable situation, it still exists.

Children growing up in the circumstances described above develop into unbalanced adults, often being unable to rear children of their own properly. Being unwanted and unloved themselves, they later produce more of their own kind—children who feel unwanted and unloved. A German politician succinctly expressed it this way: “Children without love become adults full of hate.”

Of course, millions of parents are doing their best to make sure that their children know that they are wanted and loved. They not only tell them so but prove it by giving their children the loving care and personal attention that every child deserves. Still, problems remain—problems clearly beyond the ability of individual parents to solve. For example, in some parts of the world, imperfect human economic and political systems fail to provide children with adequate health care, suitable education, and sufficient food, as well as protection from the scourge of child labor and deplorable living conditions. And all too often these conditions are amplified by greedy, corrupt, selfish, and inconsiderate grown-ups.

Kofi Annan, secretary-general of the United Nations, mentioned some of the major problems children face today when he wrote: “Millions of children continue to endure the dreadful indignities of poverty; hundreds of thousands suffer the effects of conflict and economic chaos; tens of thousands are maimed in wars; many more are orphaned or killed by HIV/AIDS.”

But not all the news is bad! UN agencies, such as  the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) and the World Health Organization, have worked hard to improve the lot of children. Annan noted: “More children are born healthy and more are immunized; more can read and write; more are free to learn, play and simply live as children than would have been thought possible even a short decade ago.” Still, he warned: “This is no time to stand on past achievements.”

Those Deserving Special Attention

Some children deserve special attention. In the early 1960’s, the world was shocked to hear reports from over a dozen countries about the birth of thousands of so-called thalidomide children. When taken by pregnant women, the sedative and sleeping pill thalidomide had an unanticipated side effect that resulted in their giving birth to children with withered or nonexistent limbs. Arms and legs were often little more than flippers.

Four decades later the culprit most likely to maim children is the land mine. * Some estimate that from 60 million to 110 million active mines lie scattered throughout the world. Some 26,000 people are killed or maimed each year—including many children. Since 1997, when Jody Williams won the Nobel Peace Prize for her campaign to ban land mines, much attention has been given to this problem. But minefields still exist. A German politician said regarding efforts to rid the world of land mines: “It’s like trying to empty a bathtub with a teaspoon while the tap is running.”

Another group of children needing special attention are those who have been deprived of their parents. Jehovah God, man’s Creator, purposed that children grow up with the loving attention of both a mother and a father. A child needs and deserves such balanced parenting.

Orphanages and adoption agencies try to address the needs of children deprived of both parents. Sad to say, however, some of the underprivileged children most desperately in need of adoption are the very ones most often ignored—those who are sick, have learning disorders, are physically disabled, or are of foreign parentage.

Organizations have been founded that encourage individuals to contribute money on a regular basis and thus “adopt” a child living in a less affluent country. Donated money is used to educate the child or to provide life’s necessities. If desired, pictures and letters can even be exchanged to strengthen the relationship. Though helpful, this arrangement falls short of being the ideal solution.

Another interesting example of what has been done to help children deprived of parents is a movement that in 1999 celebrated a half century of activity.

 The SOS Children’s Village

In 1949, Hermann Gmeiner founded in Imst, Austria, what he called the SOS Children’s Village. From this small beginning, his organization has grown to include nearly 1,500 villages and similar institutions located in 131 African, American, Asian, and European countries.

Gmeiner based his undertaking on four guiding principles—the mother, the siblings, the home, and the village. A “mother” forms the basis for a “family” of five or six—possibly more—children. She lives with them and tries to show them the love and attention expected of a real mother. The children remain together in the same “family” and with the same “mother” until the time arrives for them to leave “home.” Children of different ages are included in the “family.” Having both older and younger “brothers” and “sisters,” the children learn to care for one another, thus helping them to avoid becoming self-centered. Efforts are made to integrate the children into a “family” at as early an age as possible. Fleshly brothers and sisters are always kept together in the same “family.”

Villages are composed of about 15 “families,” each living in its own house. All the children are trained to assist their “mother” in doing the necessary chores around the home. Although a father may be missing, provision is made for male support to give fatherly advice and to administer necessary discipline. The children attend local schools. Each “family” receives a set monthly allowance to cover expenses. Food and clothing are purchased locally. The aim is to introduce the children to typical family life with all its problems and joys, enabling them to lead, as far as possible, a normal life. This prepares them for founding families of their own once they reach adulthood.

Still in Search of the Ideal Solution

Adoption agencies, orphanages, SOS Children’s Villages, UNICEF, and similar organizations or groups serve a good purpose when they try to provide support to underprivileged children. But none of them can do away with the fact that some people are underprivileged. As much as they might like to, they cannot furnish the crippled child with healthy limbs, activate the mind of the mentally disabled child, reunite a child with his separated or divorced parents, or place him back in the loving embrace of a deceased parent.

Try as they may, humans cannot provide the ideal solution to the problems of children. But they will be solved! Yes, and possibly sooner than you may expect. But how?

[Footnote]

[Pictures on page 8, 9]

A child needs and deserves the love of both parents