UHERMAN: * “Inkosikazi yami yokuqala yabulawa umdlavuza ngemva kweminyaka engu-34 sishadile. Lapho ngiphinde ngishada, umkami uLinda waba nomuzwa wokuthi ngihlale ngimqhathanisa nenkosikazi yami yokuqala. Okwaba kubi nakakhulu ukuthi abangane bami babehlale bekhuluma ngezimfanelo ezinhle zenkosikazi yami yokuqala futhi lokhu kwakumphatha kabi uLinda.”

ULINDA: “Ngemva kokuba mina noHerman sishadile, ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi yena nabanye bangiqhathanisa nenkosikazi yakhe yokuqala. Yayithandwa kakhulu, inesizotha futhi inobuntu obuhle. Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyazibuza ukuthi ngiyoke ngikwazi yini ukusondelana nomyeni wami ngendlela ayesondelene ngayo nayo.”

UHerman noLinda bayajabula ngokuthi bahlangana bashada. ULinda, owadivosa umyeni wakhe wokuqala uze abize uHerman ngokuthi “uyiqhawe lakhe.” Noma kunjalo, bayavuma ukuthi umshado wesibili ungase ube nezinselele ezazingekho emshadweni wokuqala. *

Uma uphinde washada, uzizwa kanjani ngomshado wakho wesibili? Inkosikazi okuthiwa uTamara, eyashada ngemva kweminyaka emithathu idivosile ithi: “Uma ushada okokuqala, uba nomuzwa okhethekile wokuthi umshado wakho uyohlala phakade. Kodwa emshadweni wesibili, ungase ungabi nawo lowo muzwa, ngoba uhlale ukhumbula ukuthi umshado wakho wokuqala awuphumelelanga.”

Noma kunjalo, abashadikazi abaningi bathola injabulo yangempela nehlala njalo ngemva kokushada okwesibili. Benze imishado yabo yaphumelela—nowakho ungaphumelela! Kanjani? Cabanga ngezinselele  ezintathu ezivamile, ubone nendlela imithetho yeBhayibheli engakusiza ngayo ukuba uhlangabezane nazo. *

INSELELE 1: UHLALE UCABANGA NGOMSHADO WOKUQALA OKWENZA UNGAKWAZI UKUNAKA OWESIBILI.

U-Ellen, ohlala eNingizimu Afrika uthi: “Angikwazi ukumane ngisuse izinkumbulo zomshado wami wokuqala, ikakhulukazi uma sivakasha ezindaweni esasivame ukuvakasha kuzo nomyeni wami wokuqala. Ngezinye izikhathi ngigcina sengiqhathanisa umyeni wami nomyeni wami wokuqala.” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma oshade naye ake ashada ngaphambili, ungase ucasuke uma evame ukukhuluma ngalowo mshado.

Yakhani izinkumbulo ezintsha ezizonihlanganisa njengabashadikazi

UKUSIKISELA: Kwamukele ukuthi akunangqondo ukulindela ukuthi kuyoba lula ngawe noma ngoshade naye ukuwukhohlwa umshado wokuqala, ikakhulukazi uma wahlala iminyaka eminingi. Empeleni, abanye abantu bayavuma ukuthi ngephutha bake babiza abashade nabo ngamagama abantu ababeshade nabo ngaphambili. Ungabhekana kanjani nesimo esinjalo? IBhayibheli lithi, “yibani nomqondo ofanayo.”—1 Petru 3:8.

Ungabi nesikhwele uze uthi awufuni kuzwa lutho ngomshado wokuqala. Uma umkakho noma umyeni wakho efuna ukukhuluma ngomuntu ayeshade naye, lalela ngozwela nangobubele. Ungasheshi uphethe ngokuthi ukuqhathanisa naye. U-Ian owaphinde washada eminyakeni eyishumi edlule uthi: “Umkami uKaitlyn, wayengakakubheki njengento embi ukukhuluma ngomkami wokuqala. Kunalokho, wayekubheka njengendlela yokufunda ngezinto ezingenze umuntu enginguye namuhla.” Ungathola nokuthi lezo zingxoxo ziyokusiza ukuba wakhe ubuhlobo obuhle nomuntu osushade naye.

Gxila ezimfanelweni ezivelele nezinhle zomuntu oshade naye manje. Yiqiniso, kungenzeka ukuthi oshade naye akanazo izimfanelo namakhono afana nawomuntu owawushade naye. Kodwa kungenzeka oshade naye manje unezimfanelo enza kahle kakhulu kuzo. Ngakho-ke, qinisa isisekelo somshado wakho “hhayi ngokuziqhathanisa nomunye umuntu,” kodwa ngokucabanga nangokwazisa lokho okuthandayo kumuntu oshade naye. (Galathiya 6:4) U-Edmond, oseshade kabili uthi, “Njengoba abangane ababili bengafani, injalo nemishado.”

Yini ongayenza ukuze ulinganisele kahle phakathi kwezinkumbulo ezinhle zasemshadweni wokuqala nomshado omusha? UJared uthi, “Ngake ngachazela umkami ukuthi umshado wami wokuqala wawufana nencwadi emnandi ebhalwe yimina nenkosikazi yami yokuqala. Ngezinye izikhathi ngike ngiyivule ngiyifunde ngicabange ngezikhathi ezimnandi esazijabulela. Kodwa leyo ncwadi ayikhona ukuphila kwami. Kunalokho, manje mina naye sibhala eyethu incwadi ndawonye futhi ngiyajabula ngokuphila kwethu.”

ZAMA LOKHU: Buza oshade naye ukuthi kukhona yini okumenza angakhululeki lapho kukhulunywa ngomshado wokuqala. Thola ukuthi kunini lapho kungeke kwaba kuhle khona ukuxoxa ngomshado wokuqala.

INSELELE 2: UKUTHOLA KUNZIMA UKUJWAYELANA NABANGANE BALOWO OSUSHADE NAYE.

UJavier, owaphinde washada ngemva kweminyaka eyisithupha edivosile, uthi: “Isikhathi esithile ngemva kokuba sishadile, umkami wayenomuzwa wokuthi abanye babangane bami bayamcubungula.” Umyeni okuthiwa uLeo ubhekene nesimo esihlukile. Uthi “Abanye abantu babetshela umkami indlela ababemthanda futhi bemkhumbula ngayo umyeni wakhe wokuqala—khona kanye phambi kwami!”

UKUSIKISELA: Zama ukuzibeka esimweni sabangane bakho. U-Ian, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni uthi, “Ngicabanga ukuthi abangane bakudala abakhululeki futhi kubazwisa ubuhlungu ukuchitha isikhathi nomuntu uma engasekho ayeshade naye abamjwayele.” Ngakho ‘yiba olinganiselayo, ubonise bonke ubumnene kubantu bonke.’ (Thithu 3:2) Nika abangane nomndeni wakho ithuba lokujwayelana nesimo. Njengoba umshado wakho usushintshile, nabangane bakho bangase bashintshe. UJavier, ocashunwe ekuqaleni, uthi njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka, yena nomkakhe baphinde bakha ubungane nabangane bakudala. Ubuye athi: “Kodwa sizama nokwenza abangane abasha ndawonye futhi nalokho kuyasisiza.”

 Cabangela imizwa yoshade naye lapho uchitha isikhathi nabangane bakudala. Ngokwesibonelo, uma kwenzeka kuvela umshado wakho wokuqala engxoxweni, sebenzisa ikhono nokwahlulela okuhle ukuze osushade naye manje angazizwa ekhishwe inyumbazane. Isaga seBhayibheli sithi, “Uma umuntu ekhuluma engacabanganga, lawo mazwi angalimaza njengenkemba. Kodwa umuntu ohlakaniphile uyakuqaphela lokho akushoyo. Amazwi akhe angaphulukisa abalimele.”—IzAga 12:18, Holy Bible—Easy-to-Read Version.

ZAMA LOKHU: Zama ukubona kusengaphambili ukuthi umbuthano othile uzonenza nizizwe nikhululekile yini wena noshade naye. Xoxa noshade naye kusengaphambili ngendlela enizoyisingatha ngayo imibuzo nokuphawula kwabangane benu ngomshado wokuqala.

INSELELE 3: UKUTHOLA KUNZIMA UKWETHEMBA UMUNTU OSUSHADE NAYE NGOBA OWAWUSHADE NAYE EKUQALENI AKAZANGE ATHEMBEKE.

U-Andrew owashiywa yinkosikazi uthi, “Ngangesaba ukuthi ngizoshiywa futhi.” Kamuva washada noRiley. Uthi “Ngiye ngizibuze ukuthi ngiyoke ngikwazi yini ukuba umyeni omuhle njengomyeni kaRiley wokuqala? Ngike ngikhathazeke nangokuthi uzongishiya ngoba esethole ongcono.”

UKUSIKISELA: Khuluma noshade naye ngokukhululekile ngezinto ezikukhathazayo. IBhayibheli lithi: “Amacebo ayashafa lapho kungekho khona inkulumo eyisifuba.” (IzAga 15:22) Ekugcineni inkulumo eyisifuba yasiza u-Andrew noRiley ukuba bathembane. U-Andrew uthi, “Ngatshela uRiley ukuthi ngeke ngakhetha ukudivosa njengendlela elula yokuphuma ezinkingeni futhi naye wangiqinisekisa ngento efanayo. Ngiye ngafunda ukumethemba ngokuphelele.”

Uma oshade naye akhohliswa emshadweni wokuqala, yenza konke ongakwenza ukuze akwethembe. Ngokwesibonelo, uMichel noSabine, abamishado yabo yokuqala yaqedwa idivosi, benza isivumelwano sokuthi bazotshelana uma beke baxhumana nababeshade nabo. USabine uthi: “Leso sivumelwano senza sizizwe sivikelekile futhi silondekile.”—Efesu 4:25.

ZAMA LOKHU: Zibekele imingcele ekuxhumaneni nabobulili obuhlukile, kungaba ubuso nobuso, ngocingo noma nge-Internet.

Imishado yesibili eminingi iye yaphumelela, futhi nowakho ungaphumelela. Empeleni, uma kuqhathaniswa nesikhathi ushada okokuqala, cishe manje usuzazi kangcono. U-Andrew ocashunwe ekuqaleni uthi: “Ngiye ngathola induduzo enkulu ngokushada noRiley. Ngemva kweminyaka engu-13 sishadile, siye sasondelana kakhulu—futhi lokhu asifuni nakancane kusilahlekele.”

^ isig. 3 Amagama ashintshiwe.

^ isig. 5 Yiqiniso, umshado oqedwe ukufa awufani nomshado oqedwe idivosi. Lesi sihloko siklanyelwe ukusiza abantu abakuzo zombili lezi zimo ukuba baphumelele emishadweni yabo yesibili.

^ isig. 7 Ukuze uthole ukwaziswa ngokukhulisa izingane zokutholwa bheka isihloko esiwuchungechunge esithi “Izimfihlo Zempumelelo Yemikhaya Enosingamzali” kuyi-Phaphama! ka-April 2012 enyatheliswa oFakazi BakaJehova.

ZIBUZE . . .

  • Iziphi izimfanelo ezinhle zomuntu engishade naye engizithanda kakhulu?

  • Uma kwenzeka kukhulunywa ngomshado wami lapho kuxoxwa, ngingasisingatha kanjani isimo ngendlela ezoqinisekisa futhi inikeze umuntu engishade naye manje isithunzi?