UCharles: * “Mina noMary sasingeve sijabule lapho kuzalwa indodakazi yethu. Kodwa ezinyangeni zokuqala ngangingalali ebusuku. Sasicabanga ukuthi sihlome siphelele ngokuqondene nokuyinakekela, kodwa wonke amaqhinga avele aphela ngokushesha.”

UMary: “Ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane yethu, ngakuvalelisa okwami ukuphila. Ukuphela kwento engase ngiyiphilela kwakuwukuyenzela ibhodlela, ukuyishintsha inabukeni noma ukuzama ukuyithulisa lapho ikhala. Lolu shintsho lwaba lukhulu ngempela. Kwadlula izinyanga eziningi ngaphambi kokuba mina noCharles siphinde sibe nokuphila okuvamile.”

ABANINGI bangavuma ukuthi kujabulisa kakhulu ukuba nezingane. IBhayibheli lithi izingane ‘ziwumvuzo’ ovela kuNkulunkulu. (IHubo 127:3) Abazali abasha, njengoCharles noMary, bayazi ukuthi ingane ingase ishintshe umshado ngezindlela ezingalindelekile. Ngokwesibonelo, umama angase agxile enganeni yakhe futhi amangazwe indlela umzimba nenhliziyo yakhe okuzwela ngayo lapho usana ludinga okuthile. Ubaba omusha angase ahlatshwe umxhwele ukubona uthando olwakheka phakathi komkakhe nengane, kodwa futhi angase akhathazwe ukuthi usevele washiywa ngaphandle.

Eqinisweni, ukuzalwa kwengane yokuqala kungase kulethe ubunzima emshadweni. Kungase kuvele izinkinga ezihlobene nemizwelo futhi lezo ebezilokhu zizitshwa zingaxazululwa zingase zihlale obala. Ubunzima bokuba umzali bungase buzibhebhethekise.

Abazali abasha bangakuhlela kanjani ukuphila kwabo okumatasa ezinyangeni zokuqala lapho usana lusidinga sonke isikhathi sabo? Yini abantu abashadile abangayenza ukuze bahlale besondelene? Bangakusingatha kanjani ukungaboni ngaso linye lapho bekhulisa ingane? Ake sihlole ngayinye yalezi zinkinga, sibone ukuthi izimiso zeBhayibheli zingabasiza kanjani ukuba babhekane nazo ngokuphumelelayo.

INKINGA YOKUQALA: Ukuphila sekugxile enganeni.

Usana luhlale lusengqondweni kamama futhi lusithatha sonke isikhathi sakhe. Angase azizwe enokwaneliseka okujulile lapho  enakekela ingane yakhe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umyeni wakhe angase azizwe engasanakwa. UManuel, ohlala eBrazil, uthi: “Ukuyeka komkami ukunaka mina bese egxila enganeni yethu kwaba yinto enzima kunazo zonke ukuyamukela. Ngaphambili kwakuyithina sobabili, kodwa izinto zashintsha, kwaba nguye nengane.” Ungabhekana kanjani nalesi simo esikhungathekisayo?

Isihluthulelo sempumelelo: Bekezela.

IBhayibheli lithi: “Uthando luyabekezela futhi lunomusa. . . . Aluzifuneli izinzuzo zalo siqu, alucasuki.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 5) Lapho kuzalwa ingane, yini indoda nomfazi abangayenza ukuze basebenzise lesi seluleko?

Umyeni ohlakaniphile ubonisa ukuthi uyamthanda umkakhe ngokufunda futhi abe nolwazi lokuthi ukubeletha kunaliphi ithonya engqondweni nasemzimbeni wowesifazane. Uma enza kanjalo, uyokwazi ukuthi kungani imizwa yomkakhe ishintsha ngokungalindelekile. * U-Adam ohlala eFrance nongubaba wentombazanyana enezinyanga ezingu-11, uyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi ukuguquguquka kwemizwa yomkami kuyangikhungathekisa. Kodwa ngiyazama ukukhumbula ukuthi eqinisweni akaxabene nami. Kunalokho, wenziwa ukucindezeleka okungajwayelekile okubangelwa isimo sethu esisha.”

Ingabe ngezinye izikhathi umkakho akayiqondi kahle imizamo yakho yokusiza? Uma kunjalo, ungasheshi ucasuke. (UmShumayeli 7:9) Kunalokho, mbekezelele futhi ungazicabangeli wena. Uma wenza kanjalo uyogwema ukuthukuthela.—IzAga 14:29.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, inkosikazi enokuqonda iyozama ukukhuthaza umyeni wayo endimeni yakhe entsha. Iyomhilela ekunakekelweni kwengane, imbonise ngesineke ukuthi inabukeni lishintshwa kanjani nokuthi ibhodlela lenziwa kanjani—nakuba angase angenzi kahle ekuqaleni.

U-Ellen, umama oneminyaka engu-26, waqaphela ukuthi wayedinga ukwenza izinguquko endleleni ayephatha ngayo umyeni wakhe. Uthi: “Kwadingeka ngiyeke ukunqwaha nengane futhi kwadingeka ngizikhumbuze ukuthi akufanele ngilindele ukuba umyeni wami enze ngendlela yami lapho ezama ukuyinakekela.”

ZAMANI LOKHU: Njengenkosikazi, uma umyeni wakho enzela ingane izinto ezithile ngendlela ehlukile kweyakho, gwema ukumgxeka noma ukuqala phansi akwenzile. Mncome ngalokho akwenza kahle, ngaleyo ndlela uyomenza azethembe futhi uyokhuthazeka ukuba akusize. Njengendoda, nciphisa isikhathi osichitha ezintweni ezingabalulekile ukuze ube nesikhathi esengeziwe sokusiza umkakho, ikakhulukazi phakathi nezinyanga zokuqala ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane.

INKINGA YESIBILI: Ubuhlobo benu njengabantu abashadile sebubuthaka.

Ukungalali kahle nezinkingana eziphakama kungalindelekile, kwenza kube nzima ngabazali abasha abaningi ukuba bahlale besondelene. UVivianne, umama waseFrance onezinsana ezimbili, uyavuma: “Ekuqaleni, ngagxila kakhulu emsebenzini wami njengomama ngaze ngacishe ngakhohlwa indima yami njengenkosikazi.”

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umyeni angase ahluleke ukuqaphela ukuthi ukukhulelwa kumkhandlile umkakhe—ngokomzwelo nasemzimbeni. Usana lungase lusithathe sonke isikhathi namandla ngaphambili enanisisebenzisela ukunakekela izidingo zenu ezingokomzwelo nokujabulisana ngokobulili. Indoda nomfazi bangaqinisekisa kanjani ukuthi usana lwabo abaluthandayo nolungakwazi ukuzenzela izinto alubi umgoqo obahlukanisayo?

 Isihluthulelo sempumelelo: Vuselelani uthando lwenu.

Lapho lichaza umshado, iBhayibheli lithi: “Indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina inamathele kumkayo babe nyamanye.” * (Genesise 2:24) UJehova uNkulunkulu wayehlose ukuba ekugcineni abantwana bashiye abazali babo. Kodwa ulindele ukuba isibopho sokuba nyamanye phakathi kwendoda nomfazi sihlale phakade. (Mathewu 19:3-9) Ukwazi leli qiniso kungabasiza kanjani abantu abashadile abanosana ukuba bagcine izinto ezibalulekile ziza kuqala?

UVivianne, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, uthi: “Ngacabanga ngamazwi akuGenesise 2:24, futhi lelo vesi langisiza ngabona ukuthi ‘nginyamanye’ nomyeni wami—hhayi nengane yami. Ngasibona isidingo sokuqinisa umshado wethu.” UTheresa, umama wentombazanyana eneminyaka emibili, uthi: “Uma ngiqala ukuzwa sengathi ngiyaqhelelana nomyeni wami, ngiye ngenze imizamo yokumnaka kakhudlwana, ngisho noma kuyisikhashana usuku ngalunye.”

Uma uyindoda, yini ongayenza ukuze uqinise umshado? Tshela umkakho ukuthi uyamthanda. Kubonise lokho ngezenzo ezibonisa umusa. Yenza umzamo oqotho wokuqeda noma yimiphi imizwa yokungazethembi umkakho angase abe nayo. USarah, umama oneminyaka engu-30, uthi: “Inkosikazi idinga ukwazi ukuthi iseyigugu futhi isathandwa yize ukukhulelwa kuwushintshile umzimba wayo.” U-Alan, ohlala eJalimane futhi ongubaba wabafana ababili uphawula ukuthi kubalulekile ukusekela ngokomzwelo. Uthi: “Ngiye ngizame ukuhlale ngikulungele ukududuza umkami uma esosizini.”

Kuyaqondakala ukuthi ukufika komntwana kuyaluphazamisa ucansi emshadweni. Ngakho, indoda nenkosikazi kumelwe baxoxe ngezidingo zabo. IBhayibheli lithi uma abantu abashadile benza izinguquko ezindabeni zocansi kufanele bazenze ‘ngokuvumelana.’ (1 Korinte 7:1-5) Lokhu kudinga ukukhulumisana. Kuye ngokuthi wakhuliswa kanjani noma ukuthi wakhulela kuphi, kungase kungabi lula ngawe ukukhuluma ngezindaba zocansi nomuntu oshade naye. Kodwa izingxoxo ezinjalo ziyadingeka lapho abashadile benza izinguquko ekuphileni kwabo ukuze kuvumelane nendima yabo entsha yokuba abazali. Yibani nozwela, nibekezele futhi nikhulume iqiniso. (1 Korinte 10:24) Uma nenza kanjalo, wena noshade naye niyogwema ukungaqondani futhi niyojulisa uthando lwenu ngomunye nomunye.—1 Petru 3:7, 8.

Indoda nenkosikazi bangaluqinisa uthando lwabo ngokuncomana nangokwenzelana okuhle. Umyeni ohlakaniphile uyoqaphela ukuthi kunomsebenzi omningi owenziwa umkakhe enakekela ingane yena angawuboni. UVivianne uthi: “Ekupheleni kosuku, ngivame ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi angenzanga lutho—nakuba bengilokhu ngimatasa nginakekela ingane!” Naphezu kokuba matasa, owesifazane onokuqonda uyoqaphela ukuba angalibukeli  phansi iqhaza elibanjwa umyeni wakhe ekhaya.—IzAga 17:17.

ZAMANI LOKHU: Njengomama, uma kungenzeka, thatha isithongwane ngesikhathi ingane isazumekile. Uma uzinakekela ngale ndlela, uyoba namandla engeziwe okusingatha imithwalo yakho emshadweni. Njengobaba, noma nini lapho kungenzeka, vuka ebusuku ufunze ingane noma uyishintshe inabukeni ukuze umkakho aphumule. Mqinisekise njalo umkakho ukuthi uyamthanda ngokumbhalela izincwajana ezincane zothando, ngokumthumelela imiyalezo emifushane ngomakhalekhukhwini noma ngokumshayela ucingo. Njengendoda nenkosikazi, yibani nesikhathi sokubukana emehlweni nixoxe. Xoxani ngani, hhayi ngengane kuphela. Gcinani ubungane benu buqinile, ngaleyo ndlela niyokwazi ukuzisingatha kangcono izinkinga zokukhulisa ingane.

INKINGA YESITHATHU: Anivumelani ngendlela yokukhuliswa kwengane.

Abantu abashadile bangase bathole ukuthi indlela abakhuliswa ngayo ibenza baxabane. U-Asami, umama waseJapan, nomyeni wakhe uKatsuro, babhekana nale nkinga. U-Asami uthi: “Ngangibona sengathi uKatsuro uyayitotosa indodakazi yethu, kuyilapho yena ayebona sengathi ngiyiphatha ngesandla esiqinile.” Yini eningayenza ukuze nigweme ukuxabana?

Isihluthulelo sempumelelo: Khulumisanani futhi nisekelane.

Inkosi ehlakaniphile uSolomoni yabhala: “Ngokugabadela umuntu umane nje abangele ukulwa, kodwa kulabo ababonisanayo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.” (IzAga 13:10) Kungakanani okwaziyo mayelana nendlela owakwakho athanda ukukhulisa ngayo izingane? Uma ningaxoxi ngezindlela eziqondile zokukhulisa ingane kuze kube yilapho isizelwe, ningase nizithole senishudulisana nodwa kunokuxazulula izinkinga ngempumelelo.

Ngokwesibonelo, yikuphi esenivumelene ngakho kule mibuzo elandelayo: “Singayifundisa kanjani ingane yethu imikhuba emihle yokudla nokulala? Ingabe kufanele siyithathe ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ikhala ebusuku? Kufanele siyisingathe kanjani inselele yokuyifundisa ukuziyela endlini yangasese?” Ngokusobala, izinqumo eniyozenza ngeke zifane nezabanye abazali. U-Ethan, ubaba wezingane ezimbili, uthi: “Kudingeka nikhulume ukuze nibe nombono ofanayo. Ngokwenza kanjalo, nobabili niyokwazi ukunakekela izidingo zengane yenu.”

ZAMA LOKHU: Cabanga ngezindlela ezasetshenziswa abazali bakho ngesikhathi bekukhulisa. Nquma ukuthi yikuphi ongathanda ukukulingisa lapho ukhulisa ingane yakho. Nquma nokuthi yikuphi ongeke wathanda ukukulingisa, uma kukhona. Xoxa ngesiphe-tho sakho nowakwakho.

Umntwana Angawuthuthukisa Umshado Wenu

Njengoba nje abadlali bezinsimbi zomculo abayizimfunda-makhwela bedinga isikhathi nesineke ukuze bazi ukuthi bazishaya nini futhi kanjani, nani nidinga isikhathi ukuze nijwayele izindima zenu ezintsha njengabazali. Nokho, ekugcineni niyoba nokuzethemba.

Ukukhulisa abantwana kuyovivinya ukuzibophezela kwakho emshadweni futhi kuyohlale kuthinta ubuhlobo benu. Nokho, kuyokunika nethuba lokuba nezimfanelo ezinhle. Uma usebenzisa iseluleko seBhayibheli esihlakaniphile, uyozizwa njengobaba ogama lakhe linguKenneth. Uthi: “Ukukhulisa abantwana kuye kwaba nethonya elihle kimi nakumkami. Asisazicabangeli kakhulu futhi sesinothando nokuqonda kakhudlwana.” Ngokuqinisekile, ushintsho olufana nalolu luyinto enhle emshadweni.

^ isig. 3 Amagama akulesi sihloko ashintshiwe.

^ isig. 11 Omama abaningi bahlaselwa iziqubu zokucindezeleka emasontweni angemva kokubeletha. Abanye babhekana nokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo ngemva kokubeletha. Lokho kucindezeleka kubizwa ngokuthi i-postpartum depression. Ukuze wazi ukuthi ungakubona kanjani lokhu kucindezeleka nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho, bheka isihloko esithi “Ngakunqoba Ukucindezeleka Kwangemva Kokubeletha” kumagazini i-Phaphama! ka-August 8, 2002, nesithi “Understanding Postpartum Depression” kuyi-Phaphama! yesiNgisi ka-June 8, 2003 enyatheliswa oFakazi BakaJehova. Lezi zihloko ungazifunda engosini ye-Internet ethi www.watchtower.org.

^ isig. 19 Incwadi ethile ithi igama lesiHebheru eliyisenzo elithi ‘namathela’ elikuGenesise 2:24 ‘linomqondo wokuthanda umuntu nokuba qotho kuye ngokuphelele futhi ubambelele kuye.’

ZIBUZE . . .

  • Esontweni eledlule, yini engiye ngayenza ukuze ngibonise owakwami ukuthi ngiyakwazisa akwenzela umndeni wethu?

  • Ngagcina nini ukuzinika ithuba lokuxoxa nowakwami sithululelane izifuba kodwa singaxoxi ngokukhuliswa kwengane?