“Kwakungeve kumnandi ukuxoxa namadodana ami. Ayengilalelisisa, akwenze ngokushesha engikushoyo. Kodwa manje asekhulakhulile futhi sesixatshaniswa yiyo yonke into. Asengabaza ngisho nemisebenzi ehlobene nokukhulekela kwethu. Asevame ukubuza: ‘Kufanele ngempela yini sikhulume ngeBhayibheli?’ Ngaphambi kokuba angene eminyakeni yokuthomba, ngangingakaze ngikucabange ukuthi lokhu kungase kwenzeke emndenini wami—ngisho nalapho ngikubona kwenzeka kweminye.”—UReggie. *

INGABE sikhuluma nje nawe unengane eyeve eshumini nambili? Uma kunjalo, usesikhathini esithakazelisa kakhulu sokukhula kwengane yakho. Kodwa singaphinde sicindezele kakhulu. Ingabe izimo ezilandelayo zizwakala zijwayelekile?

  • Ngesikhathi indodana yakho isencane, yayingafuni ukuhlukana nawe. Kodwa njengoba isiyibhobhodleyana isifuna inkululeko enkudlwana futhi ayisenasithakazelo kuwe.

  • Ngesikhathi indodakazi yakho isencane, yayikutshela yonke into. Kodwa manje njengoba seyeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili, ‘isinobhululu’ bayo futhi wena uzizwa sengathi awusadingeki.

Uma ubhekene nesimo esicishe sifane, ungasheshi uphethe ngokuthi ingane yakho isiyihlongandlebe elingenakusizakala. Yini pho eyenzekayo? Ukuze sithole impendulo yalo mbuzo, ake sizwe ukuthi le nkathi yokukhula inayiphi indima ebalulekile ekukhuleni kwengane yakho.

Ukweva Eminyakeni Eyishumi Nambili—Isikhathi Esiyingqopha-mlando

Kusukela izalwa, ingane idlula ezigabeni ezihlukahlukene—iqala ukucathula, iphimise igama lokuqala, iye esikoleni okokuqala ngqa—uma sibala ezimbalwa nje. Abazali bayajabula lapho ingane yabo ingena kulezi zigaba. Zonke izinto ezenzayo ziwubufakazi balokho abafuna ukukubona—ukuthi iyakhula.

Inkathi yokweva eminyakeni eyishumi nambili nayo iyingqopha-mlando—nakuba abanye abazali bengayithokozeli neze. Kuyaqondakala ukuthi kungani bekhathazeka. Kakade, imuphi umzali ojabulela ukubona ingane yakhe ebilalela, ishintsha iba nemizwa eguquguqukayo? Noma kunjalo, le nkathi ibalulekile ekukhuleni. Kanjani?

IBhayibheli lithi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi “indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina.” (Genesise 2:24) Injongo eyinhloko yale nkathi yokukhula iwukusiza indodana noma indodakazi yakho ukuba ilungele lolo suku olumnandi kodwa futhi olubuhlungu. Ngaleso sikhathi, ingane yakho kuyofanele ikwazi ukusho amazwi ashiwo umphostoli uPawulu: “Ngesikhathi ngiseyingane, ngangikhuluma njengengane, ngicabanga njengengane, ngisebenzisa ingqondo njengengane; kodwa njengoba sengiyindoda, sengizilahlile izici zobungane.”—1 Korinte 13:11.

 Yilokho kanye-ke okwenziwa indodana noma indodakazi yakho phakathi nale minyaka—ukushiya imikhuba yobuntwana nokufunda ukuba umuntu omdala okhulile engqondweni, okwazi ukuzimela novuthwe ngokwanele ukuyozakhela isidleke sakhe. Empeleni, enye incwadi ichaza lesi sikhathi ngamazwi athinta inhliziyo lapho ithi “inkathi yokuhlukana engemnandi.”

Yiqiniso, kwayona indaba yokuthi ngolunye usuku “umfanyana” noma “intombazanyana” yakho iyohamba ingase ikwenze ukhathazeke. Ungase uzibuze:

  • “Uma indodana yami ingakwazi nokugcina ikamelo layo lihlanzekile, iyoyiphatha kanjani indawo eyohlala kuyo?”

  • “Uma indodakazi yami ingakwazi nokubuya ekhaya ngesikhathi enqunyelwe sona, iyokwazi kanjani ukugcina isikhathi emsebenzini?”

Uma lezi zinto zikukhathaza, khumbula lokhu: Ukuzimela akuwona umnyango ingane yakho evele ingene kuwo, kuwumgwaqo ehamba kuwo, futhi kuthatha iminyaka ukuluqeda lolu hambo. Okwamanje, nawe uyazibonela ukuthi “ubuwula buboshelwe enhliziyweni yomntwana.”—IzAga 22:15.

Nokho, uma uyiqondisa kahle, ingane yakho cishe iyokwazi ukukhula ibe umuntu omdala ovuthiwe engqondweni ‘nomandla akhe okuqonda aqeqeshelwe ukuhlukanisa kokubili okulungile nokungalungile.’—Hebheru 5:14.

Izihluthulelo Zempumelelo

Uma ingane yakho iye yabonisa ukuvuthwa, ungakwazi yini ukuyinika inkululeko ethe xaxa?

Ukuze uhlomise ingane yakho ukuba ilungele ukuba umuntu omdala, kudingeka uyisize iqeqeshe ‘amandla ayo okucabanga’ ukuze ikwazi ukuzenzela izinqumo ezihlakaniphile. (Roma 12:1, 2) Izimiso zeBhayibheli ezilandelayo zizokusiza ukuba wenze lokho.

AbaseFilipi 4:5: “Ukucabangela kwenu makwaziwe.” Ingane yakho yenza isicelo sokuba ingabuyi ngesikhathi osinqumile. Wena uvele wenqabe. Ingane yakho iyakhononda, “Ungiphathisa okwengane!” Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule ngokuthi, “Nawe uziphathisa okwayo,” cabanga ngalokhu: Izingane ezeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili zithambekele ekufuneni inkululeko ethe xaxa ezingase zihluleke ukuyisebenzisa kahle, kanti abazali bangase bathambekele ekuzincisheni inkululeko efanele. Ngezikhathi ezithile, ungakwazi yini ukuthambisa isandla kancane? Kungani okungenani ungacabangeli umbono wengane yakho?

ZAMA LOKHU: Bhala phansi isimo esisodwa noma ezimbili onganikeza kuzo ingane yakho inkululeko ethe xaxa. Yichazele ukuthi uyinika le nkululeko ukuze uyihlole ukuthi izokwazi yini ukuyisebenzisa kahle. Uma iyisebenzisa kahle, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ingase inikwe eyengeziwe. Uma ingayisebenzisi kahle, ingaphucwa naleyo ebisinayo.—Mathewu 25:21.

AbaseKolose 3:21: “Bobaba, ningazicasuli izingane zenu. Uma ningajabuliseki, zingase ziyeke ukuzama ukunijabulisa.”—International Children’s Bible. Abanye abazali bazama ukulawula ingane yabo kuzo zonke izinto. Ukuze bayigcine isendleleni, bayivalela endlini. Bayikhethela abangane futhi bacuthe lapho ikhuluma ocingweni ukuze balalele izindaba zayo. Kodwa kuvame ukuba isikhuni sibuye nomkhwezeli. Ukuyivalela kungenza ifune ukweqa, ukuhlale ugxeka abangane bayo kungayenza ibathande kakhulu, ukulalela izindaba zayo lapho ikhuluma ocingweni kungayenza ifune ezinye izindlela zokuxoxa nabo wena ungazi. Lapho uzama kakhulu ukuyilawula, ungagcina ungasakwazi nokwenzani. Umbuzo obalulekile uwukuthi, uma ingane yakho ingafundi ukuzenzela izinqumo lapho isesekhaya, iyokwazi kanjani lapho isihambile?

ZAMA LOKHU: Ngokuzayo lapho ukhuluma nengane yakho ngodaba oluthile, yisize icabange ngokuthi ukukhetha kwayo kulithinta kanjani idumela layo. Ngokwesibonelo, kunokugxeka abangane bayo, yithi: “Uyokwenzenjani uma umngane wakho eboshelwa ukwephula umthetho? Abantu bayokubheka kanjani?” Yisize ukuba ibone indlela ukukhetha kwayo okungathuthukisa noma kuthunaze ngayo idumela layo.—IzAga 11:17, 22; 20:11.

Abase-Efesu 6:4: “Ningabacasuli abantwana benu, kodwa qhubekani nibakhulisa ngesiyalo  nangokuqondisa umqondo kukaJehova.” Inkulumo ethi ‘ukuqondisa umqondo’ isho okungaphezu kokufundisa amaqiniso. Isho ukufinyelela inhliziyo nonembeza wengane ngendlela eyothonya izenzo zayo. Lokhu kubaluleke ngempela, ikakhulukazi lapho ingena kule nkathi yokukhula. Ubaba othile, ogama lakhe lingu-Andre, uthi: “Njengoba ingane yakho ikhula, nawe kumelwe ushintshe izindlela zakho zokuyifundisa nokubonisana nayo.”—2 Thimothewu 3:14.

ZAMA LOKHU: Lapho kuphakama inkinga, zamani ukungena ezicathulweni zomunye nomunye. Buza ingane yakho ukuthi yona ibingakweluleka ithini ukube wena ubuyingane yona ingumzali. Yicele ukuba yenze ucwaningo ukuze ibe nezizathu zokusekela—noma zokungahambisani—nombono wayo. Phindani nixoxe ngalolo daba lingakapheli isonto.

AbaseGalathiya 6:7: “Noma yini umuntu ayihlwanyelayo, uyovuna yona futhi.” Ingane ingase ifundiswe ngokujeziswa—mhlawumbe ngokuyithuma ukuba yenze umsebenzi othile engawuthandi noma ngokuyincisha okuthile ekuthandayo. Lapho usebenzelana nengane yakho, kuhle ukucabangela imiphumela.—IzAga 6:27.

ZAMA LOKHU: Ungayikhiphi enkingeni ngokuyikhokhela izikweletu noma ngokuyibekela izaba kuthisha lapho ingaphumelelanga kahle esifundweni esithile. Mayizizwele imiphumela yezenzo zayo, futhi ayisoze yasikhohlwa leso sifundo.

Njengomzali, cishe ufisa sengathi le nkathi yokukhula ingashelela kamnandi, uvele ubone ingane yakho isingumuntu omdala. Nokho, akuvamile ukuba le nkathi ishelele. Noma kunjalo, lesi sikhathi sikunikeza ithuba elihle kakhulu ‘lokuqeqesha umntwana ngokwendlela emfanele.’ (IzAga 22:6) Izimiso zeBhayibheli ziyisisekelo esiqinile ongasisebenzisa ekwenzeni umndeni wakho ujabule.

^ isig. 3 Igama lishintshiwe.

ZIBUZE . . .

Lapho sekuyisikhathi sokuba ingane yami ihambe ekhaya, iyokwazi yini ukwenza okulandelayo?

  • ukulondoloza isimiso sayo sezinto ezingokomoya

  • ukukhetha kahle nokwenza izinqumo ezihlakaniphile

  • ukukhulumisana nabanye ngendlela ephumelelayo

  • ukunakekela impilo yayo

  • ukuphatha kahle imali

  • ukuhlanza nokunakekela kahle ifulethi noma indlu yayo

  • ukuzenzela izinto ngaphandle kokumelwa ngemuva