Emashumini amuva eminyaka, ukuphila kwemindeni emazweni aseNtshonalanga kuye kwashintsha kakhulu. Kwake kwaba nesikhathi lapho kwakukhala khona isicathulo sabazali, nabantwana belalela. Manje kweminye imizi kwenzeka okuphambene nalokho. Ngokwesibonelo, cabanga ngezimo ezilandelayo, zonke ezisekelwe ezimweni ezivame ukwenzeka.

  • Lapho esesitolo nonina, umfana oneminyaka emine welula isandla ezama ukuthatha ithoyizi. Unina uzama ukumnqanda: “Usunamathoyizi amaningi, angithi?” Ubona sekwephuzile ukuthi bekufanele amtshele, angambuzi. “Kodwa ngiyalifuna nje!” kusho umfana ngokutetema. Esaba ukuthi uzovukwa iconsi lakhe njengenjwayelo—unina uyamthengela.

  • Intombazanyana eneminyaka emihlanu, iphazamisa uyise esakhuluma nomuntu omdala. Ithi, “Ngikhathele. Ngifuna ukuya ekhaya!” Uyise uyayeka ukukhuluma, agobe athi endodakazini yakhe ngezwi eliphansi: “Yima kancane muntuza, sesizohamba.”

  • UJames oneminyaka engu-12, usephinde wamangalelwa ngokuqagulisana nothisha wakhe. Uyise ucasukile, kodwa akacasukele indodana yakhe, ucasukele uthisha. Uthi kuJames, “Yini engathi lo thisha wakho uyakuhlupha nje? Ngizombika ekomitini lesikole!”

Lezi zimo ezingenhla azenzekanga ngokoqobo, kodwa azilona ihaba. Zibonisa inkinga ekhona emakhaya amaningi, lapho abazali bebekezelela ukuba luhlaza kwezingane, bazinike konke ezikufunayo, baphinde “bazitakule” uma sekufanele zibhekane nemiphumela yokuziphatha kwazo. Incwadi i-Narcissism Epidemic ithi: “Kuyinto evame kakhulu ukubona abazali bevumela izingane zibagibele emakhanda. Zolo lokhu, izingane bezazi ukuthi kukhala esikabani isicathulo—futhi bekungesona esazo.”

 Yiqiniso, abazali abaningi bayakulwela ukufundisa izingane zabo izindinganiso ezifanele, hhayi nje ngokuzibekela isibonelo esihle kuphela, kodwa nangokuzinika iseluleko esiqinile nesinothando lapho sidingeka. Noma kunjalo, abazali ababona ukubaluleka kokwenza kanjalo, kubonakala sengathi “benza okuphambene nalokho okwamukelekayo kwabaningi,” njengoba incwadi ecashunwe ngaphambili ikubeka.

Konakalaphi, kuze kube nje? Sesashonaphi isiyalo?

Ukuba Buthaka Kwegunya Labazali

Abanye bathi lokhu kuba buthaka kwegunya labazali kwaqala ngawo-1960, lapho labo ababizwa ngezazi babekhuthaza abazali ukuba bathambise isandla ezinganeni zabo. Báthi: ‘Yiba umngane enganeni, ungabi ingqongqo.’ ‘Ukuncoma kungcono kunokuyala.’ ‘Gxila kulokho ekwenza kahle, kunokulungisa okubi.’ Kunokuba nombono olinganiselayo phakathi kokuncoma nokweluleka, kubonakala sengathi lezi zazi zazithi ukukhuza kwakuzolimaza imizwelo ebuthaka yezingane futhi kuzenze zibazonde abazali bazo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Kungakabiphi, izazi zase ziqokomisa nezinzuzo zokuzethemba. Kwakungathi sekutholakalé imfihlo yokuba umzali omuhle: Ukwenza ingane yakho izethembe. Yiqiniso, kubalulekile ukufundisa ingane yakho ukuba izethembe. Kodwa, lo mbono okhuthaza ukuzethemba awugcinanga lapho. Izazi zathi kubazali: ‘Gwemani ukusebenzisa amagama angemahle afana nelithi cha nelithi kubi.’ ‘Qhubekani nitshela izingane zenu ukuthi zibalulekile, nokuthi zingaba yinoma yini ezifuna ukuba yiyo.’ Kwakusengathi ukuzizwa ulungile kwakubaluleke kakhulu kunokuba olungile.

Umbono okhuthaza ukuzethemba umane wenza izingane zazizwa zinegunya

Kamuva, abanye báthi umphumela walo mbono okhuthaza ukuzethemba, ube ukuthi izingane zizizwe zinegunya, njengokungathi yizona okufanele zishaye umthetho. Incwadi ethi Generation Me ithi, lo mbono uye washiya intsha eningi “ingakulungele ukugxekwa nokuhluleka, okuyizinto ezivamile ekuphileni.” Omunye ubaba ocashunwe kuleyo ncwadi ukubeka ngale ndlela: “Uma ususebenza, emsebenzini ngeke baqhubeke nokukhuthaza  ukuzethemba. . . . Uma ubhala umbiko ongemuhle uwulethe kumqashi wakho, ngeke athi, ‘Kodwa ngiyawuthanda umbala wephepha olisebenzisile.’ Ukukhulisa izingane ngale ndlela kuzilimaza kakhulu.”

Ukushintsha Kwemibono

Kula mashumi eminyaka adlule, izindlela zokukhulisa izingane bezilokhu zibonakalisa imibono yabantu eshintshayo. URonald G. Morrish onguthisha uyabhala: “Indlela yokuyala ihlale ishintsha. Ibonisa ushintsho emphakathini wethu.” * Njengoba iBhayibheli lisho, akuve kulula ngabazali ukuba ‘bajikijeleke ngapha nangapha sengathi bajikijelwa amagagasi futhi bayiswe lé nalé yiyo yonke imimoya yemfundiso.’—Efesu 4:14.

Kuyacaca ukuthi le ndlela entsha yokuthambisa isandla esiyalweni ibe nemiphumela engemihle. Ayigcinanga nje ngokwenza buthaka igunya labazali, kodwa ishiye nezingane zingenaso isiqondiso ezisidingayo ukuze zenze izinqumo ezinhle futhi ziphile zinokuzethemba kwangempela.

Ingabe ikhona indlela engcono?

^ isig. 15 Omalukeke sizenzele; kucashunwe encwadini ethi, Secrets of Discipline: 12 Keys for Raising Responsible Children.