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Phaphama!  |  Ephreli 2013

 USIZO LOMKHAYA | UMSHADO

Indlela Yokugwema Inkulumo Elimazayo

Indlela Yokugwema Inkulumo Elimazayo

INSELELE

Njalo lapho niba nempikiswano, wena noshade naye nivele nigxekane into engapheli. Inkulumo elimazayo isiyinsakavukela emshadweni wenu kangangokuthi manje isiyindlela “evamile” yokukhulumisana.

Uma kuyilokhu okwenzekayo emshadweni wenu, ningawuyeka lo mkhuba. Nokho, okokuqala kudingeka nithole ukuthi ziyini izimbangela nokuthi kungani kuzonizuzisa ukwenza izinguquko.

IZIMBANGELA

Isizinda sabashadile. Amadoda namakhosikazi amaningi akhulela emindenini lapho inkulumo elimazayo yayiyinto evamile. Oyedwa noma bobabili kwabashadile kungenzeka ulingisa indlela abazali bakhe ababekhulumisana ngayo.

Ithonya lezokuzijabulisa. Amabhayisikobho namahlaya ethelevishini aphendula inkulumo yokweyisa ayenze ihlaya, okushiya obukele enombono wokuthi le nkulumo ayinankinga—noma iyahlekisa.

Isiko lendawo. Eminye imiphakathi ifundisa ukuthi “amadoda angempela” ayakhonya noma ukuthi abesifazane kudingeka babe nolaka ukuze bangabukeki bentekenteke. Phakathi nengxabano, abangane bomshado abanesimo sengqondo esinjalo bangase babhekane njengezitha kunokuba babhekane njengabangane futhi basebenzise amazwi ahlabayo kunakhayo.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini imbangela, inkulumo elimazayo ingaholela esahlukanisweni nasezinkingeni eziningi zempilo. Abanye baze bathi kungcono ukushaywa kunokulinyazwa ngamazwi. Ngokwesibonelo, omunye wesifazane owayehlukunyezwa umyeni wakhe ngamazwi aphinde amshaye uthi: “Ngathola ukuthi kunzima kakhulu ukubekezelela ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi kunokushaywa. Ngangincamela ukuba angishaye kunokuba asho amazwi abuhlungu kanjalo.”

Yini eningayenza wena noshade naye uma niye navumela inkulumo elimazayo ukuba yonakalise ubuhlobo benu?

 ONGAKWENZA

Yiba nozwela. Zibeke esimweni soshade naye bese uzama ukuqonda indlela amazwi akho amenza azizwe ngayo. Uma kungenzeka, cabanga ngesimo esingokoqobo lapho oshade naye aba nomuzwa wokuthi amazwi akho ayahlaba. Ungaluthwa yilokho owawuqonde ukukusho ngempela; indaba isekutheni lowo oshade naye wazizwa kanjani ngalokho owakusho. Ungacabanga yini ngamanye amazwi anomusa owawungawasho esikhundleni sokusebenzisa inkulumo elimazayo? IBhayibheli lithi: “Impendulo, lapho imnene, iyakunqanda ukufutheka, kodwa izwi elibangela ubuhlungu lenyusa intukuthelo.”—IzAga 15:1.

Buka imibhangqwana ehloniphanayo. Uma abantu abayizibonelo ezimbi beye bathonya indlela okhuluma ngayo, bheka izibonelo ezinhle. Lalela imibhangqwana eshadile ekhulumisana ngendlela efanele ukulingiswa.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Filipi 3:17.

Vuselelani indlela enanizizwa ngayo ngomunye nomunye. Inkulumo elimazayo ngokuvamile isuka enhliziyweni kunokuba kube ukushelela kolimi. Ngakho, lwela ukuhlale unemicabango nemizwa efanele ngoshade naye. Xoxani ngezinto enanijabulela ukuzenza ndawonye. Bukani izithombe zakudala. Yini eyayinihlekisa? Yiziphi izimfanelo ezanenza nasondelana?—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Luka 6:45.

Sebenzisa amazwi athi “ngi-”. Kunokuba uhlasele oshade naye ngamazwi, veza indlela okukuthinte ngayo lokho okwenzekile. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi “Ngizizwa ngingelutho uma wenza izinto ungakhulumanga nami,” kungamenza asabele kahle kunokuthi “Kufana nawe lokho—njalo wenza izinto ungakhulumanga nami!”—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Kolose 4:6.

Yazi uma sekufanele uzibambe. Uma imimoya isiqala ukuphakama futhi inkulumo ishuba, kungaba ngcono ukuyiyeka indaba okwangaleso sikhathi. Ngokuvamile, akukho lutho olubi ngokuhamba uma kunempikiswano evuthayo kuze kube yilapho indaba isingasingathwa ngomoya ophansi.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: IzAga 17:14.

Inkulumo elimazayo ngokuvamile isuka enhliziyweni kunokuba kube ukushelela kolimi