USUKU ngalunye lunikeza abantu amathuba amaningi okubonisa umusa kwabanye. Nokho, kubonakala sengathi abaningi bazicabangela bona kuphela. Ubufakazi balokho bubonakala cishe yonke indawo—ukungabi namahloni okuphamba abanye, ukushayela kabi, ukuthuka inhlamba nokuqhuma kwentukuthelo.

Isimo sengqondo sobugovu sikhona nasemikhayeni eminingi. Ngokwesibonelo, eminye imibhangqwana iyehlukanisa ngenxa nje yokuthi omunye uzibona “efanelwe okungcono.” Ngisho nabanye abazali bangayitshala leyo mbewu yobugovu bengahlosile. Kanjani? Ngokunikeza izingane zabo noma yini eziyifunayo, kuyilapho bezindela ukukhipha noma isiphi isiyalo esidingekayo.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, iningi labanye abazali liqeqesha izingane zalo ukuba zicabangele abanye kuqala, okuyinto ezuzisa kakhulu. Izingane ezicabangelayo zinamathuba amaningi okuba nabangane nokuba nobuhlobo obuzinzile. Kanti futhi zinamathuba amaningi okwaneliseka. Ngani? Ngoba, njengoba iBhayibheli lisho, “kukhona injabulo eyengeziwe ekupheni kunasekwamukeleni.”—IzEnzo 20:35.

Uma ungumzali, ungazisiza kanjani izingane zakho ukuba zithole izinzuzo zokuba nomusa futhi zigweme ukonakaliswa umoya wobugovu othe chithi saka? Cabangela izingibe ezintathu ezingase zidale umoya wobugovu kuzo bese ubona ukuthi ungazigwema kanjani lezo zingibe.

 1 Ukuzincoma Ngokweqile

Okwenza kube inkinga. Abacwaningi baye baphawula umkhuba oyinkinga: Intsha eningi esikhulile iqala ukusebenza inomuzwa wokuthi ifanelwe izinto—okuyisimo sengqondo sokulindela impumelelo ngisho noma yenze okuncane noma ingenzanga lutho nhlobo ukuze iyithole. Enye ivele icabange ukuthi izokhushulelwa esikhundleni ngokushesha ngisho noma ingakawazi kahle umsebenzi. Enye icabanga ukuthi ibaluleke kakhulu futhi kufanele iphathwe ngaleyo ndlela—ngenxa yalokho iphatheka kabi uma ibona ukuthi abanye abayibheki ngaleyo ndlela.

Imbangela yalokhu. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuzibona komuntu efanelwe izinto kuhlobene nendlela akhuliswa ngayo. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye abazali baye bathonywa ngokungafanele umbono okhuthaza ukuzethemba oyinto esithandwa kakhulu kula mashumi eminyaka amuva. Umsuka walo mbono wawubonakala ufaneleka: Uma ukuncoma ingane kancane kuyakha, ukuyincoma kakhulu kuzoyakha nakakhulu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kwakucatshangwa ukuthi kuyovele kuyidikibalise ingane ukuyibonisa ukuthi ekwenzayo akwamukeleki. Kanti ezweni elizimisele ukwakha ukuzethemba, lokho kwakubhekwa njengobufakazi bokwehluleka njengomzali. Abazali babetshelwa ukuthi, izingane akumelwe neze zenziwe zizenyeze.

Ngakho-ke, obaba nomama abaningi baqala ukuzincoma bezincomile izingane zabo, ngisho noma kungekho lutho oluncomekayo ezilwenzile. Noma ikuphi ezikufezile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuncane kangakanani, kwakudunyiswa; kanti noma iliphi iphutha, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi likhulu kangakanani, lalishalazelwa. Labo bazali babekholelwa ukuthi imfihlo yokwakha ukuzethemba kwakuwukuziziba izinto ezimbi futhi uncome konke okunye. Ukwenza izingane zizizwe kangcono kwaba okubaluleke kakhulu kunokuzifundisa ukwenza izinto empeleni ezaziyozigqaja ngazo.

Okushiwo yiBhayibheli. IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi ukutusa kuyafaneleka uma umuntu ekufanelekela. (Mathewu 25:19-21) Kodwa ukuncoma izingane ukuze nje zizizwe kahle kungasonta umbono wazo ngalokho eziyikho. IBhayibheli lisho kufanele ukuthi: “Uma umuntu ecabanga ukuthi uwutho abe engelutho, ukhohlisa eyakhe ingqondo.” (Galathiya 6:3) Ngesizathu esihle, iBhayibheli lithi kubazali: “Ungayeki ukubayala abantwana bakho. Ukuqina kwakho ngeke kubabulale.” *IzAga 23:13, Contemporary English Version.

Ongakwenza. Kwenze umgomo wakho ukukhipha isiyalo uma sidingeka nokuncoma uma kufaneleka ngempela. Ungamane uncome izingane ukuze nje zijabule. Cishe ngeke kusize lokho. Incwadi ethi Generation Me, ithi: “Ukuzethemba kwangempela kutholakala ngokuthuthukisa amakhono akho nangokufunda izinto, hhayi ngokunikwa udumo ngenxa nje yokuthi ungumuntu.”

“Ungazicabangi umkhulu kunalokho okufanele. Kunalokho, thobeka.”—Roma 12:3, Good News Translation

 2 Ukuzivikela Ngokweqile

Okwenza kube inkinga. Intsha eningi esikhulile eqala ukusebenza ibonakala ingakuhlomele ukubhekana nezinselele. Enye ivele ihluthuke ngenxa yokugxekwa nje okungatheni. Enye kunzima ukuyijabulisa futhi yamukela umsebenzi ovumelana namaphupho ayo kuphela. Ngokwesibonelo, encwadini ethi Escaping the Endless Adolescence, uDkt. Joseph Allen ulandisa ngensizwa eyathi kuye phakathi nengxoxo yokufuna umsebenzi: “Ngibona sengathi ngezinye izikhathi izici ezithile zalo msebenzi zingaba isicefe, kanti angiyifuni into ezongibangela isicefe.” Lo dokotela uyabhala: “Kubonakala sengathi yayingaqondi ukuthi yonke imisebenzi inokuthile okuyisicefe. Kwenzeka kanjani ukuba umuntu aze abe neminyaka engu-23 engakwazi lokho?”

Imbangela yalokhu. Emashumini eminyaka amuva, abazali abaningi baye bazizwa bephoqelekile ukuvikela izingane zabo kunoma ibuphi ubunzima. Uma indodakazi yakho ihlulwe isivivinyo, uyangenela uphoqe uthisha ukuba ayenyusele amamaki. Uma indodana yakho ithole ithikithi lomgwaqo, uyayikhokhela lelo thikithi. Uma ingane yakho ihlukene nethandana naye, usola lowo ebithandana naye.

Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuvikela izingane zakho, ukuzivikela ngokweqile kungadlulisela umyalezo oyiphutha—owukuthi akudingeki zibhekane nemiphumela yezenzo zazo. Incwadi ethi Positive Discipline for Teenagers, ithi, “Kunokuba zifunde ukuthi zingabhekana ngokuphumelelayo nobuhlungu nokudumazeka, zize ngisho zifunde kukho, [lezo] zingane zikhula zizicabangela ngokweqile, zinomuzwa wokuthi izwe nabazali bazo bazikweleta okuthile.”

Okushiwo yiBhayibheli. Ubunzima buyingxenye yokuphila. Eqinisweni, iBhayibheli lithi: “Izinto ezimbi zehlela wonke umuntu!” (UmShumayeli 9:11, Easy-to-Read Version) Lokho kuhlanganisa nabantu abalungile. Ngokwesibonelo, umphostoli ongumKristu uPawulu, wakhuthazelela zonke izinhlobo zobunzima phakathi nenkonzo yakhe. Noma kunjalo, ukubhekana nobunzima kwamzuzisa! Wabhala: “Ngiye ngafunda ukwaneliseka kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngikuziphi izimo. . . . Ngiye ngayifunda imfihlo yakho kokubili ukuthi kunjani ukusutha nokuthi kunjani ukulamba, kokubili ukuba nensada nokuswela.”—Filipi 4:11, 12.

Ongakwenza. Ucabangela izinga lokuvuthwa kwezingane zakho, lwela ukulandela lesi simiso seBhayibheli: “Ngamunye wethu kumelwe azithwalele owakhe umthwalo.” (Galathiya 6:5, CEV) Uma indodana yakho ithola ithikithi lomgwaqo, kungaba ngcono kakhulu ukuyiyeka izikhokhele ngemali yayo. Uma indodakazi yakho ingasiphumelelanga isivivinyo, mhlawumbe lokho kungayisiza iphaphame ukuze izilungiselele kangcono esikhathini esizayo. Uma indodana yakho ihlukene nebithandana naye, iduduze—kodwa ngesikhathi esifanele isize icabange ngemibuzo efana nalo, ‘Uma ngibheka emuva, ingabe lokhu okwenzekile kuyangisiza ngibone lapho kufanele ngithuthukise khona?’ Izingane ezibhekana ngokuphumelelayo nezinkinga zazo zifunda ukusheshe zilulame futhi zizethembe—okuyizici ezingase zizintule uma kunothile ohlale ezitakula.

“Yilowo nalowo makahlole umsebenzi wakhe siqu, khona-ke uyoba nesizathu sokwethaba.”—Galathiya 6:4

 3 Ukuzinika Yonke Into

Okwenza kube inkinga. Kuyinhlolo-vo eyenziwa entsheni esikhulile, amaphesenti angu-81 athi umgomo obaluleke kakhulu kontanga bayo ‘ukuceba’—ikubeka njengento ehamba phambili kunokusiza abanye. Kodwa ukulwela ukuceba akukulethi ukwaneliseka. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abagxile ezintweni ezibonakalayo abajabuli kangako futhi bacindezeleke kakhulu. Baphinde babe nezinkinga eziningi ezingokomzimba nezengqondo.

Imbangela yalokhu. Kwezinye izimo, izingane zikhulela emikhayeni ethanda izinto ezibonakalayo. Incwadi ethi The Narcissism Epidemic, ithi: “Abazali bafuna ukujabulisa izingane zabo, kanti izingane zifuna izinto. Ngenxa yalokho abazali bazithengela izinto. Izingane ziyajabula, kodwa leyo njabulo kuba eyesikhashana. Ngemva kwalokho zifuna ezinye izinto.”

Yiqiniso, ezokukhangisa ziye zasizakala kakhulu ngalesi sifiso esingapheli. Zikhuthaza imibono enjengokuthi ‘Ufanelwe okungcono,’ nothi ‘Ngoba kukufanele.’ Intsha eningi esikhulile iye yawamukela lo mbono futhi manje icwile ezikweletini, ayisakwazi ukukhokhela lezi zinto “eziyifanele.”

Okushiwo yiBhayibheli. IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi imali iyadingeka. (UmShumayeli 7:12) Ngesikhathi esifanayo, lixwayisa ngokuthi “uthando lwemali luyimpande yazo zonke izinhlobo zezinto ezilimazayo.” Liyanezela: “Ngokuzama ukufinyelela lolu thando abanye baye . . . bazigwaza yonke indawo ngeminjunju eminingi.” (1 Thimothewu 6:10) IBhayibheli lisikhuthaza ukuba singaphishekeli ingcebo yezinto ezibonakalayo, kodwa ukuba saneliswe izidingo zokuphila eziyisisekelo.—1 Thimothewu 6:7, 8.

“Labo abazimisele ngokuceba bawela esilingweni nasogibeni nasezifisweni eziningi ezingenangqondo nezilimazayo.”—1 Thimothewu 6:9.

Ongakwenza. Njengomzali, hlaziya umbono wakho ngemali nezinto engazithenga. Gcina izinto eziza kuqala zisendaweni yazo futhi usize izingane zakho ukuba zenze okufanayo. I-Narcissism Epidemic, eke yacashunwa isikisela lokhu: “Abazali nezingane bangaxoxa ngezihloko ezinjengokuthi ‘Kunini lapho ukuthenga izinto ezisendalini kuyisu elihle khona? Kunini lapho kungekuhle ukukwenza?’ ‘Ingakanani inzalo?’ ‘Kunini lapho wathenga khona into ngenxa yokuthi othile wathi kufanele uyithenge?’”

Qaphela ungasebenzisi “izinto” njengesembozo sokusibekela izinkinga zomkhaya ezidinga ukulungiswa. Incwadi ethi The Price of Privilege, ithi: “Ukugqiba izinkinga ngezinto ezibonakalayo kuyikhambi elidume ngokwehluleka. Izinkinga kudingeka zixazululwe ngokusebenzisa ingqondo, ukuqonda nangozwela, hhayi ngezicathulo nezikhwama zemali.”

^ isig. 11 IBhayibheli alikusekeli ukuhlukumeza izingane ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo. (Efesu 4:29, 31; 6:4) Injongo yokuyala ukufundisa, hhayi ukunika umzali ithuba lokukhipha intukuthelo.