“Nentambo emicu mithathu ayinakugqashulwa ngokushesha.”—UMSHUMAYELI 4:12.

1, 2. (a) Ngokuqondene nabantu abasanda kushada, yini esingase sizibuze yona ngezinye izikhathi, futhi ngani? (b) Yimiphi imibuzo esizoxoxa ngayo kulesi sahluko?

INGABE uyathanda ukuya emishadweni? Abaningi bayathanda ngoba imishado ingaba mnandi. Ubona abashadayo begqoke beconsa. Okuhle nakakhulu, ubuso babo bugcwele injabulo! Ngalolu suku, bamomotheka bangaqedi, futhi ikusasa labo libonakala libaphathele okuhle kodwa.

2 Noma kunjalo, kumelwe kuvunywe ukuthi ngezindlela eziningi ilungiselelo lomshado lisenkingeni namuhla. Nakuba sibafisela okuhle kodwa abasuke besanda kushada, ngezinye izikhathi singase sizibuze: ‘Ingabe bazojabula? Kazi bayohlala isikhathi eside yini beshadile?’ Izimpendulo zale mibuzo ziyoxhomeka ekutheni indoda nomkayo bayasethemba futhi bayasisebenzisa yini iseluleko sikaNkulunkulu ngomshado. (IzAga 3:5, 6) Ukuze bazigcine othandweni lukaNkulunkulu, kudingeka benze kanjalo. Manje ake sigxile ezimpendulweni zeBhayibheli zale mibuzo emine: Yiziphi izizathu ezinhle zokushada? Uma ufuna ukushada, ubani okufanele umkhethe njengomngane womshado? Ungazilungiselela kanjani ukushada? Yini futhi engasiza abantu abashadile bahlale bejabulile emshadweni?

YIZIPHI IZIZATHU EZINHLE ZOKUSHADA?

3. Kungani kungeke kube ukuhlakanipha ukushada ngenxa yezizathu ezingathí shu?

3 Abanye bakholelwa ukuthi ukuze ujabule kufanele ushade —ukuthi ngeke waneliseke noma ujabule ekuphileni uma ungazitholeli umngane womshado. Akulona neze iqiniso lokho! UJesu, indoda engashadile, wakhuluma ngokungashadi njengokuyisipho futhi wakhuthaza bonke ababengakutholela indawo ukuba benze kanjalo. (Mathewu 19:11, 12) Umphostoli uPawulu naye wakhuluma ngezinzuzo zokungashadi. (1 Korinte 7:32-38) UJesu noPawulu abazange babeke mthetho kule ndaba; empeleni, ‘ukwenqabela ukushada’ kubalwe phakathi ‘kwezimfundiso zamademoni.’ (1 Thimothewu 4:1-3) Noma kunjalo, ukungashadi kungabazuzisa kakhulu labo abafuna ukukhonza uJehova ngaphandle kweziphazamiso. Ngakho, ngeke kube ukuhlakanipha ukushada ngenxa yezizathu ezingathí shu, njengokucindezelwa ontanga.

4. Umshado omuhle ubeka isisekelo esinjani sokukhulisa abantwana?

4 Ngakolunye uhlangothi, zikhona yini izizathu ezinhle zokushada? Yebo. Umshado nawo uyisipho esivela kuNkulunkulu wethu onothando. (Genesise 2:18) Ngakho unezinzuzo ezithile futhi ungaletha izibusiso. Ngokwesibonelo, umshado omuhle uyisisekelo esihle kakhulu sokuphila komkhaya. Abantwana badinga indawo ezinzile abazokhuliselwa kuyo abazali, babathande, babayale, futhi babaqondise. (IHubo 127:3; Efesu 6:1-4) Nokho, ukukhulisa abantwana akusona sodwa isizathu sokushada.

5, 6. (a) NgokukamShumayeli 4:9-12, ziyini ezinye zezinzuzo zobungane obusondelene? (b) Umshado ufana kanjani nentambo emicu mithathu?

5 Cabangela umbhalo okusekelwe kuwo lesi sahluko kanye nomongo wawo: “Ababili bangcono kunoyedwa, ngoba banomvuzo omuhle ngomsebenzi wabo onzima. Ngoba uma kungenzeka omunye wabo awe, lo omunye angamvusa umngane wakhe. Kodwa kuyoba njani ngalowo oyedwa nje owayo lapho kungekho omunye wokumvusa? Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma ababili belala ndawonye, ngokuqinisekile bayofudumala; kodwa oyedwa nje angahlala kanjani efudumele? Futhi uma othile engase akwazi ukuhlula umuntu oyedwa kuphela, ababili ndawonye bangase bakwazi ukumelana  naye. Nentambo emicu mithathu ayinakugqashulwa ngokushesha.”—UmShumayeli 4:9-12.

6 Ngokuyinhloko, lo mBhalo ukhuluma ngokubaluleka kobungane. Eqinisweni, umshado uhilela abangane abasondelene kakhulu. Njengoba lo mBhalo ubonisa, ubungane obunjalo bungaba umthombo wosizo, induduzo kanye nesivikelo. Umshado uqina ngokwengeziwe uma uyisibopho sabantu abangaphezu kwababili. Intambo emicu mibili ingase igqashuke, njengoba leli vesi lisikisela. Kodwa imicu emithathu elukiwe noma ephiciwe kungaba nzima kakhulu ukuyigqashula. Lapho indoda nomkayo bekhathalela ngokuyinhloko ukujabulisa uJehova, umshado wabo ufana nale ntambo emicu mithathu. UJehova usuke ekhona ngempela kulo mshado, ngakho uyaqina ngempela.

7, 8. (a) Yisiphi iseluleko uPawulu asilobela amaKristu angashadile alwa nezifiso zobulili? (b) IBhayibheli lisinikeza muphi umbono ongokoqobo ngomshado?

7 Kusemshadweni kuphela futhi lapho izifiso zobulili zinganeliswa khona ngokufanele. Uma benziwa emshadweni, ubulili bubhekwa ngokufanele njengomthombo wenjabulo. (IzAga 5:18) Lapho umuntu ongashadile esedlulile kulokho iBhayibheli elikubiza ngokuthi “ukuqhuma kobusha”—isikhathi izifiso zobulili eziqala ukuba namandla ngaso—kungenzeka usalwa nezifiso zobulili. Uma zingathitshwa, izifiso ezinjalo zingaholela ekuziphatheni okungcolile noma okungafanele. UPawulu waphefumulelwa ukuba alobele abantu abangashadile lesi seluleko: “Uma bengenakho ukuzithiba, mabashade, ngoba kungcono ukushada kunokushiswa inkanuko.”—1 Korinte 7:9, 36; Jakobe 1:15.

8 Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izizathu ezenza umuntu ashade, kuhle ukubhekana namaqiniso. Njengoba uPawulu asho, abashadayo “bayoba nosizi enyameni.” (1 Korinte 7:28) Abantu abashadile baba nezinselele abantu abangashadile abangeke babhekane nazo. Nokho, uma ukhetha ukushada, ungazinciphisa kanjani izinselele, wandise izibusiso? Enye indlela iwukukhetha umngane womshado ngokuhlakanipha.

 UBANI ONGABA UMNGANE WOMSHADO OKAHLE?

9, 10. (a) UPawulu wayifanekisa kanjani ingozi yokwakha izibopho nabangakholwa? (b) Ngokuvamile uba yini umphumela wokusishaya indiva iseluleko sikaNkulunkulu sokungashadi nongakholwa?

9 UPawulu waphefumulelwa ukuba abhale isimiso esibalulekile okufanele sisetshenziswe lapho kukhethwa umngane womshado: “Ningaboshelwa ejokeni nabangakholwa.” (2 Korinte 6:14) Umfanekiso wakhe wawusekelwe ekulimeni. Uma izilwane ezimbili ezingalingani ngobukhulu nangamandla ziboshelwa ejokeni linye, zombili ziyothwala kanzima. Ngokufanayo, uma umuntu okholwayo nongakholwa beboshelwa ejokeni linye ngomshado, nakanjani bayobhekana nobunzima nezingcindezi. Uma umngane oyedwa efuna ukuzigcina othandweni lukaJehova kodwa omunye engenandaba nalokho, izinto eziza kuqala ekuphileni kwabo ngeke zifane futhi lokhu kungase kubangele ukucindezeleka okukhulu. Kungakho uPawulu anxusa amaKristu ukuba ashade “kuphela eNkosini.”—1 Korinte 7:39.

10 Kwezinye izimo, amaKristu angashadile aye aphetha ngokuthi ukuboshelwa ejokeni linye nabangakholwa kungcono kunomzwangedwa anawo manje. Amanye anquma ukusishaya indiva iseluleko seBhayibheli, ashade nomuntu ongamkhonzi uJehova. Njalo nje umphumela uyadabukisa. Abanjalo bazithola sebeshade nabantu abangeke bakwazi ukuxoxa nabo ngezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni. Isizungu asebenaso singase sisidlule kude lé ababenaso bengakashadi. Ngokujabulisayo, kunezinkulungwane zamaKristu angashadile asethembayo iseluleko saphezulu kule ndaba futhi anamathele kuso ngobuqotho. (IHubo 32:8) Nakuba enethemba lokushada ngelinye ilanga, ahlala engashadile kuze kube yilapho ethola abangane angashada nawo phakathi kwabakhulekeli bakaJehova uNkulunkulu.

11. Yini engakusiza ukuba ukhethe umngane womshado ngokuhlakanipha? (Bheka  nebhokisi ekhasini 114.)

11 Noma kunjalo, akusho ukuthi noma iyiphi inceku  kaJehova ingavele ibe umngane womshado ofanelekayo. Uma ucabangela ukushada, funa umuntu obuntu bakhe, imigomo yakhe engokomoya, nothando lwakhe ngoNkulunkulu kufanelana nokwakho. Isigaba senceku ethembekile sisinikeze ukwaziswa okuningi ngale ndaba, futhi uyobe wenza kahle uma uzicabangela ngomthandazo lezi zeluleko ezingokomBhalo, uzivumele zikuqondise ekwenzeni lesi sinqumo esibalulekile. *IHubo 119:105.

12. Yiliphi isiko eliphathelene nomshado elenziwa emazweni amaningi, futhi yisiphi isibonelo seBhayibheli esinikeza isiqondiso?

12 Emazweni amaningi, kuyisiko ukuba abazali bakhethele izingane zabo umngane womshado. Kuleyo miphakathi ngokuvamile kuvunyelwana ngokuthi abazali bahlakaniphe kakhulu futhi banokuhlangenwe nakho okudingekayo kokwenza ukukhetha okubaluleke kangako. Imishado ehlelwa abazali ivame ukuphumelela, njengoba kwakunjalo ezikhathini zeBhayibheli. Isibonelo sika-Abrahama sokuthumela inceku yakhe ukuba iyofunela u-Isaka inkosikazi, siyisifundo kubazali okungenzeka basesimweni esifanayo namuhla. U-Abrahama wayengakhathaleli imali negama emphakathini. Kunalokho, wenza konke ayengakwenza ukuze atholele u-Isaka inkosikazi phakathi kwabantu abakhulekela uJehova. *Genesise 24:3, 67.

UNGAZILUNGISELELA KANJANI UMSHADO OPHUMELELAYO?

13-15. (a) Isimiso esisencwadini yezAga 24:27 singayisiza kanjani insizwa ecabangela ukushada? (b) Owesifazane osemusha angazilungiselela kanjani ukushada?

13 Uma ucabanga ngokungathí sina ngokushada, kuhle  uzibuze, ‘Ingabe ngikulungele ngempela?’ Impendulo ayixhomekile nje kuphela endleleni ozizwa ngayo ngothando, ubulili, ubungane noma ukukhulisa abantwana. Kunalokho, kunemigomo eqondile okufanele ayicabangele owesilisa noma owesifazane ozoshada.

14 Insizwa efuna inkosikazi kufanele icabangisise ngalesi simiso: “Lungisa umsebenzi wakho ngaphandle, uzilungisele wona ensimini. Kamuva wakhe futhi indlu yakho.” (IzAga 24:27) Liyini iphuzu? Ngalezo zinsuku, uma indoda yayifuna ‘ukwakha indlu yayo,’ noma ukuba nomkhaya ngokuba ishade, kwakudingeka izibuze, ‘Ingabe ngikulungele ukunakekela nokusekela umkami nezingane esingase sibe nazo?’ Kwakufanele isebenze kuqala, inakekele amasimu noma izitshalo. Nanamuhla kusasebenza isimiso esifanayo. Indoda efuna ukushada kudingeka ilungele ukuthwala imithwalo yemfanelo. Uma nje umzimba wayo usavuma, kuyodingeka isebenze. IZwi likaNkulunkulu libonisa ukuthi indoda engawunakekeli umkhaya wayo ngezidingo ezingokwenyama, ezingokomzwelo nezingokomoya, yimbi kunengenalo ukholo!1 Thimothewu 5:8.

15 Ngokufanayo, owesifazane onquma ukushada uvuma ukuthatha imithwalo yemfanelo esindayo eminingana. IBhayibheli lincoma owesifazane onamakhono nezimfanelo inkosikazi engase izidinge njengoba isiza umyeni wayo futhi inakekela abendlu yayo. (IzAga 31:10-31) Amadoda nabesifazane abagijimela ukushada bengakulungiselele ukusingatha imithwalo yemfanelo ehilelekile, empeleni basuke benobugovu, behluleka ukucabanga ngalokho abangase bakunike umuntu abazoshada naye. Nokho, ngaphezu kwakho konke, labo abacabangela ukushada kudingeka bakulungele ngokomoya.

16, 17. Yiziphi izimiso ezingokomBhalo okufanele bazindle ngazo labo abalungiselela ukushada?

16 Ukulungiselela umshado kuhilela ukuzindla ngezindima uNkulunkulu azabele indoda nenkosikazi. Indoda kudingeka  yazi ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba yinhloko emkhayeni wamaKristu. Le ndima ayiyinikezi imvume yokuba ibe undlovukayiphikiswa. Kunalokho, kumelwe ilingise indlela uJesu asebenzisa ngayo ubunhloko. (Efesu 5:23) Ngokufanayo, owesifazane ongumKristu kudingeka aqonde indima ehloniphekile yenkosikazi. Ingabe uyozimisela ukuzithoba “emthethweni womyeni wakhe”? (Roma 7:2) Kakade ungaphansi komthetho kaJehova nokaKristu. (Galathiya 6:2) Igunya lomyeni wakhe ekhaya liza nomunye umthetho. Uyokwazi yini ukusekela nokuzithoba egunyeni lendoda engaphelele? Uma engakuthandi lokho, kuhle angashadi.

17 Ngaphezu kwalokho, umngane womshado kudingeka akulungele ukunakekela izidingo ezikhethekile zomunye. (Filipi 2:4) UPawulu wabhala: “Yilowo nalowo kini makamthande kanjalo umkakhe njengoba ezithanda yena; ngakolunye uhlangothi, umfazi kufanele abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.” Ephefumulelwe ngokwaphezulu, uPawulu waqonda ukuthi indoda inesidingo esikhethekile sokuzwa inhlonipho ejulile umkayo anayo ngayo. Inkosikazi nayo inesidingo esikhethekile sokuzizwa ithandwa umyeni wayo.—Efesu 5:21-33.

Ngesikhathi sokuqomisana, imibhangqwana eminingi ngokuhlakanipha ihlela ukuba ibe nombheki

18. Kungani imibhangqwana kufanele izithibe ngesikhathi iqomisene?

18 Khona-ke, isikhathi sokuqomisana akusona isikhathi sokudlala. Yisikhathi sokuba indoda nowesifazane bafunde indlela okufanele baphathane ngayo, babone ukuthi ukushada kungaba ukuhlakanipha yini. Kuyisikhathi sokubonisa ukuzithiba futhi! Singaba namandla kakhulu isilingo sokusondelana ngokobulili—phela kungokwemvelo ukukhangana. Nokho, labo abathandana ngeqiniso bayogwema noma yiziphi izenzo ezingase zilimaze umuntu abamthandayo ngokomoya. (1 Thesalonika 4:6) Ngakho uma niqomisene, zithibeni; iyonizuzisa leyo mfanelo kukho konke ukuphila kwenu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi niyashada noma cha.

 UNGAWENZA KANJANI UMSHADO WAKHO UHLALE NJALO?

19, 20. Indlela umKristu awubheka ngayo umshado kufanele ihluke kanjani kweyabaningi ezweni lanamuhla? Fanekisa.

19 Ukuze umbhangqwana wenze umshado wawo uhlale njalo, kudingeka ube nombono ofanele ngokuzibopha. Ezincwadini nakumabhayisikobho, ngokuvamile umshado uba yisiphetho esijabulisayo abantu abasihalelayo. Kepha ekuphileni kwangempela, umshado awusona isiphetho; uyisiqalo—isiqalo sokuthile uJehova ayejonge ukuba kuhlale njalo. (Genesise 2:24) Ngokudabukisayo, ezweni lanamuhla awuvamile lo mbono. Kwezinye izindawo, abantu bathi ukushada “ukubopha ifindo.” Kungenzeka abaqapheli ukuthi le nkulumo iwuchaza kahle kanjani umbono owandile ngomshado. Kanjani? Nakuba ifindo elikahle kufanele liqine ngqí, enye imfuneko yalo eyinhloko ukuthi kufanele likwazi ukuboshwa nokuqaqwa kalula.

20 Abaningi namuhla babheka umshado njengento yesikhashana. Bawungenela kalula ngoba becabanga ukuthi uzobalungela, kodwa basuke belindele ukuba baphume ngokushesha uma sekushuba. Kodwa khumbula umfanekiso iBhayibheli eliwusebenzisela isibopho esinjengomshado—intambo. Izintambo noma izindophi zemikhumbi zenzelwe ukuba zihlale isikhathi eside, zingalokothi ziqaqeke noma zigqashuke, ngisho sekunesiphepho esinamandla kanjani. Ngokufanayo, umshado wenzelwe ukuba uhlale isikhathi eside. Khumbula, uJesu wathi: “Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.” (Mathewu 19:6) Uma ushada, kudingeka ube nombono ofanayo ngomshado. Ingabe ukuzibopha okunjalo kwenza umshado ube umthwalo? Cha.

21. Imuphi umbono indoda nomkayo okufanele babe nawo ngomunye nomunye, futhi yini engabasiza ukuba benze kanjalo?

21 Indoda nomkayo kudingeka bazigcine benombono ofanele ngomunye nomunye. Uma ngamunye elwela ukugxila ezimfanelweni ezinhle nasemizamweni yomunye, umshado  uyoba umthombo wenjabulo nokuqabuleka. Ingabe kuwukushalazela amaqiniso ukumbheka ngombono omuhle kanjalo umngane womshado ongaphelele? UJehova akalokothi ashalazele amaqiniso, noma kunjalo sethembele ekutheni uyohlale enombono omuhle ngathi. Umhubi wabuza: “O Jah, ukube ububheka iziphambeko, Jehova ubani obengama?” (IHubo 130:3) Amadoda namakhosikazi kudingeka abe nombono omuhle ngendlela efanayo ngomunye nomunye futhi bathethelelane.Kolose 3:13.

22, 23. U-Abrahama noSara bababekela kanjani isibonelo esihle abantu abashadile namuhla?

 22 Umshado ungaba isibusiso esikhulu lapho abashadile bekhuthazela njengoba iminyaka iya idlula. IBhayibheli lisitshela ngomshado ka-Abrahama noSara lapho sebekhulile. Ukuphila kwabo kwakunzima futhi kunezinselele. Ake ucabange nje ukuthi kwakunjani ngoSara, owesifazane owayevile eminyakeni engu-60, ukuba ashiye umuzi wakhe ontofontofo ezweni elichumayo lase-Uri ayohlala ematendeni ukuphila kwakhe konke. Noma kunjalo, wazithoba ebunhlokweni bomyeni wakhe. Njengoba ayengumphelelisi nomsizi wangempela ka-Abrahama, wamsiza ngenhlonipho ukuba izinqumo zakhe ziphumelele. Ukuzithoba kwakhe kwakungekhona ukumbuluza. Ngisho “ngaphakathi” wayebiza umyeni wakhe ngokuthi inkosi yakhe. (Genesise 18:12; 1 Petru 3:6) Inhlonipho yakhe ngo-Abrahama yayisuka enhliziyweni.

23 Yebo, lokhu akusho ukuthi u-Abrahama noSara babehlala bebona izinto ngaso linye. USara wake wasikisela into ‘engazange ithandeke neze’ ku-Abrahama. Noma kunjalo, eqondiswa uJehova, u-Abrahama walilalela ngokuthobeka izwi lomkakhe, okwathi kamuva laba isibusiso emkhayeni. (Genesise 21:9-13) Amadoda namakhosikazi namuhla, ngisho nalawo asenamashumi eminyaka eshadile, angafunda lukhulu kulo mbhangqwana owesaba uNkulunkulu.

24. Imishado enjani edumisa uJehova uNkulunkulu, futhi ngani?

24 Ebandleni lobuKristu, kunezinkulungwane eziningi zemishado ejabulayo—imishado lapho inkosikazi imhlonipha ngokujulile umyeni wayo, nendoda imthanda futhi imnika udumo umkayo, futhi bobabili besebenza ndawonye ekwenzeni intando kaJehova ize kuqala ngaphezu kwezinye izinto. Uma unquma ukushada, kwangathi ungamkhetha ngokuhlakanipha umngane womshado, uzilungiselele kahle ukushada, futhi wenze umshado wakho ube onokuthula nonothando, odumisa uJehova uNkulunkulu. Uma wenza kanjalo, ngokuqinisekile umshado wakho uyokusiza uzigcine othandweni lukaNkulunkulu.

^ isig. 11 Bheka isahluko 2 sencwadi ethi Imfihlo Yenjabulo Yomkhaya, enyatheliswa oFakazi BakaJehova.

^ isig. 12 Ezinye izinzalamizi ezithembekile zazinesithembu. Lapho uJehova esebenzelana nezinzalamizi no-Israyeli ongokwenyama, wasivumela isithembu. Akazange asisungule, kodwa wabeka imithetho yokusilawula. Nokho, amaKristu ayakhumbula ukuthi uJehova akasasivumeli isithembu kubakhulekeli bakhe.—Mathewu 19:9; 1 Thimothewu 3:2.