Kungani kufanele ube nendaba ngokuthi ugqokani? Ngoba izimpahla ozigqokayo ziyakhuluma. Ezakho zidlulisa muphi umyalezo?

 Amaphutha amathathu amakhulu ngemfashini nendlela yokuwagwema

Iphutha lokuqala: Ukuvumela izinhlelo zokusakaza zikunqumele indlela okufanele ubukeke ngayo.

Osemusha ogama lakhe linguTheresa, uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi, ngiyathatheka emfashinini ethile ngoba ngiyibona ikhangiswa kakhulu. Kuba nzima kakhulu ukungasilandeli isitayela esithile lapho ingqondo yakho igcwele izithombe zabantu abagqoke ngaleyo ndlela.”

Akuwona amantombazane kuphela athonywa izikhangiso. Incwadi ethi, The Everything Guide to Raising Adolescent Boys ithi, “Nabafana nabo bachayeke ngendlela efanayo kwezemfashini. Bathi besebancane kube sekunezikhangiso ezenzelwe bona.”

Indlela engcono: IBhayibheli lithi: “Noma ubani ongenalwazi uba nokholo kuwo wonke amazwi, kodwa okhaliphile uyazicabangela izinyathelo zakhe.” (IzAga 14:15) Ngokuvumelana naleli vesi, kuhle uzihlolisise izinto ozibona zikhangiswa. Ngokwesibonelo, lapho ubona kukhangiswa izimpahla okuthiwa “ziyababa,” noma “ziyashisa,” zibuze:

  • ‘Ubani ngempela ozuzayo uma ngilandela leso sitayela?’

  • ‘Zizongihlobanisa nabantu abaphila ukuphila okunjani?’

  • ‘Ingabe leyo mpilo iyalubonisa uhlobo lomuntu engiyilo ngempela nalokho engikukholelwayo?’

Icebiso: Isonto lonke, bukisisa kahle izikhangiso zezingubo nezinye izinhlelo ezikhuluma ngemfashini. Hlobo luni lokuphila ezilukhuthazayo? Ingabe zikwenza uzizwe sengathi kunohlobo oluthile lwesitayela okumelwe ululandele? Osemusha ogama lakhe linguKaren, uthi: “Kunengcindezi enkulu yokufuna ukubukeka kahle, ukugqoka kahle, nokuveza ukuthi umzimba wakho ‘umi kahle’ kanjani. Abakhangisi abakuqondayo lokhu, bayabona ukuthi abasha bayizisulu ezilula.”

Iphutha lesibili: Ukugqoka isitayela esidumile ukuze nje wamukeleke.

Osemusha ogama lakhe linguManuel, uthi: “Uma uhlobo oluthile lwempahla lusesitayeleni, wonke umuntu uzogqoka lona. Uma ungalugqoki, abantu bazokubukela phansi.” Osemusha ogama lakhe lingu-Anna uyavuma, uthi: “Imfashini ayibalulekile kakhulu kodwa ukwamukeleka kontanga, yikona okuhamba phambili.”

Indlela engcono: IBhayibheli lithi: “Yekani ukulolongwa nifane nalesi simiso sezinto.” (Roma 12:2) Ngokuvumelana nalesi seluleko, buka izimpahla ozigqokayo, bese uyazibuza:

  • ‘Yini ngokuyinhloko engenza ngikhethe lolu hlobo lwezimpahla?’

  • ‘Kubaluleke kangakanani ukuthi ngibe nezimpahla zegama elibizayo?’

  • ‘Ingabe ngizama ukubukisa ngezingubo zami?’

Icebiso: Kunokukhetha phakathi kwezinto ezimbili—okusesitayeleni (nokwamukelekayo) noma okungekho esitayeleni (okungamukelwa)—cabanga nangalokhu: izimpahla ezikwenza uzethembe futhi uzizwe uvikelekile. Uma uzethemba ngokwengeziwe, ngeke ukhathazeke kakhulu ngokufuna ukwamukeleka.

Iphutha lesithathu: Ukucabanga ukuthi ‘kungcono ukugqoka ngendlela ekhangayo.’

Intombazane egama layo linguJennifer, iyavuma: “Eqinisweni, ngezinye izikhathi kuyahaleleka ukugqoka impahla emfushane kakhulu, noma engimpintsha kakhulu, noma encane kakhulu.”

Indlela engcono: IBhayibheli lithi: “Ukuhloba kwenu makungabi . . . okokugqoka izingubo zangaphandle, kodwa makube umuntu osithekile wenhliziyo.” (1 Petru 3:3, 4) Ngokuvumelana nalesi seluleko, cabanga ngokuthi yini ekhanga kakhulu—izimpahla ezizokudonsela amehlo abantu noma ubuhle bakho bangaphakathi.

Icebiso: Okungcono kakhulu ‘ongazihlobisa ngakho,’ isizotha. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi lelo akulona igama elithandwayo namuhla. Kodwa cabanga ngalokhu:

Wake waba nengxoxo nomuntu okhuluma kakhulu futhi okhuluma ngaye kuphela? Okudabukisayo ukuthi, lowo muntu kungenzeka usuke engazi ukuthi ukudedisela kude!

Njengengxoxo, izingubo ezenza ‘kunakwe wena,’ zingenza abantu baqhele kuwe

Uma ugqoka ngendlela engenaso isizotha, nawe ufana nalowo muntu. Izimpahla ezinjalo, zitshela abantu ukuthi ‘ufuna ukubukwa,’ futhi zingakwenza ubonakale ungazethembi noma uzicabangela wena wedwa—noma kokubili. Zingaphinde zikwenze ubukeke sengathi ufuna noma yiluphi uhlobo lokunakwa—ngisho nolungalungile.

Kunokuthi ukhangise ngento ongayidayisi, zama isizotha. “Ukuba nesizotha akusho ukuthi kumelwe ugqokise okwesalukazi,” kusho osemusha ogama lakhe linguMonica. “Kumane nje kusho ukuthi uyazihlonipha wena kanye nabantu abakuzungezile.”