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IMBONISELO AGASTI 2011

 Iindlela Zokwenza Intsapho Yakho Yonwabe

Ukuhlonela Iqabane Lakho

Ukuhlonela Iqabane Lakho

UWill * uthi: “Xa uRachel enomsindo, ukhala angayeki. Xa sithetha ngaloo mbandela, uyacaphuka okanye asuke nje azithulele, angafuni ukuthetha nam. Ndisuke ndime nematha, ndingazi ukuba mandenze ntoni.”

URachel uthi: “UWill ufike ndikhala. Ndiye ndazama ukumcacisela isizathu sokucaphuka kwam, suka wandiphendula ndingekagqibi nokuthetha. Undixelele ukuba ndicatshukiswa yinto nje engenamsebenzi, yaye ndifanele ndiyiphose kwelokulibala. Loo nto indicaphukise kakhulu.”

NGABA nawe ukhe uvakalelwe njengoWill noRachel? Bobabini bayafuna ukuthetha, kodwa abakwazi. Kutheni?

Amadoda namabhinqa awafani yaye athetha ngeendlela ezingafaniyo. Amabhinqa ngabantu abadla ngokuthanda ukuchaza iimvakalelo zabo ngokukhululekileyo. Ngoxa wona amadoda aye azame ukugcina uxolo ngokucombulula iingxaki ngokukhawuleza yaye ayaziphepha izinto eziza kuwafak’ engxakini. Ngoko ke, unokuyicombulula njani le ngxaki yokungafani kwenu ukuze ukwazi ukuthetha nomyeni okanye umfazi wakho? Ngokulihlonela iqabane lakho.

Umntu onentlonelo uyabaxabisa abanye yaye uye ayiqonde indlela abavakalelwa ngayo. Ngoxa wawusakhula, mhlawumbi wawukufumanisa kulula ukubahlonela abantu abanegunya okanye abanamava kunawe. Kodwa ke, emtshatweni eyona ngxaki kukuzama ukuhlonela umntu eniphants’ ukulingana naye—iqabane lakho. ULinda osele eneminyaka esibhozo etshatile uthi: “Bendisazi ukuba uPhil uyamphulaphula ngomonde umntu athetha naye, yaye uye azame ukuqonda indlela avakalelwa ngayo. Kodwa ndifuna abe novelwano nakum.” Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uphulaphula ngomonde yaye ubonakalisa intlonelo xa uthetha nabahlobo nabantu ongabaziyo. Kodwa ngaba uye ubonakalise ulwazelelo olufanayo kwiqabane lakho?

Ukungabonakalisi ntlonelo kubangela iingxaki neengxabano ekhaya. Omnye umlawuli onobulumko wathi: “Akunani kwaukutya iqhekeza lesonka uxolile kunokuba semzini ozele yinyama yamadini kodwa kugquba imbambano.” (IMizekeliso 17:1, iBhayibhile   yesiXhosa yowe-1996) IBhayibhile ixelela indoda ukuba imphathe ngembeko okanye imhlonele umfazi wayo. (1 Petros 3:7) ‘Nomfazi’ ufanele abe “nentlonelo enzulu ngendoda yakhe.”—Efese 5:33.

Unokuthetha njani ngentlonelo? Nanga amanye amacebiso asebenzayo aseBhayibhileni.

Xa Iqabane Lakho Lifuna Ukuthetha

Ingxaki:

Abantu abaninzi bathanda ukuthetha kunokuphulaphula. Ngaba nawe unjalo? IBhayibhile ithi ‘nabani na ophendula umbandela ngaphambi kokuwuva’ usisidenge. (IMizekeliso 18:13) Ngoko phulaphula ngaphambi kokuba uthethe. Ngoba? UKara osele eneminyaka engama-26 etshatile uthi: “Ndiye ndithande ukuba umyeni wam angazami ukuzicombulula ngokukhawuleza iingxaki zam. Kwaye akuyomfuneko ukuba avumelane nam okanye azi unobangela wengxaki. Ndifuna nje ukuba andiphulaphule aze ayiqonde indlela endivakalelwa ngayo.”

Kwelinye icala, amanye amadoda namabhinqa aba madolw’ anzima ukuchaza indlela avakalelwa ngayo yaye akathandi xa amaqabane awo ewanyanzela ukuba athethe. ULorrie, osandul’ ukutshata, uye wafumanisa ukuba umyeni wakhe uthath’ ixesha ukuchaza iimvakalelo zakhe. Uthi: “Ndifanele ndibe nomonde, ndize ndimlinde ibe nguye othethayo.”

Isicombululo:

Ukuba wena neqabane lakho nifanele nithethe ngento esenokunixabanisa, thethani ngayo xa nobabini nizolile. Kuthekani ukuba iqabane lakho alifuni kuthetha? Khumbula ukuba “iingcinga zomntu zifana nequla elinzulu; ke yena umntu oqiqayo ukha ulutho kuzo.” (IMizekeliso 20:5, iBhayibhile yesiXhosa yowe-1996) Ukuba ukha amanzi equleni ngokukhawuleza, uza kuchitha amanzi amaninzi. Ngokufanayo, xa ulinyanzela ukuba lithethe iqabane lakho, lisenokungafuni ukuthetha uze ungakwazi ukufumana oko ukufunayo. Kunoko, lithantamise uze ubonakalise intlonelo xa ubuza imibuzo. Yiba nomonde xa lingazichazi ngokukhawuleza nangendlela othanda ngayo iimvakalelo zalo.

Xa lithetha, ‘umele ukhawuleze ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha, ucothe ukuqumba.’ (Yakobi 1:19) Umntu okwaziyo ukuphulaphula kakuhle uye angeva kuphela oko kuthethwayo, kodwa uye aqonde nendlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Xa iqabane lakho lithetha, zama ukuyiqonda indlela elivakalelwa ngayo. Liya kubona ukuba uyalihlonela kusini na kwindlela ophulaphula ngayo.

UYesu wasifundisa indlela yokuphulaphula. Ngokomzekelo, xa enye indoda eyayigula yeza kuye ifuna uncedo, uYesu akazange akhawuleze ayincede. Waqala wasiphulaphula isicelo sayo. Wachukunyiswa koko akuvayo. Ekugqibeleni, wayiphilisa. (Marko 1:40-42) Xa iqabane lakho lithetha, yenza okufanayo. Khumbula ukuba, kusenokwenzeka ukuba ufuna umntu oza kuba novelwano, kungekhona isicombululo esikhawulezileyo. Ngoko liphulaphule kakuhle. Bonakalisa uvelwano ngendlela elivakalelwa ngayo. Wandule ke ulenzele loo nto liyicelayo. Ngokwenjenjalo uya kubonisa ukuba uyalihlonela.

ZAMA OKU: Xa iqabane lakho liqalisa ukuthetha nawe, zibambe, ungakhawulezi ukuliphendula. Lilinde ligqibe ukuthetha uze uzame ukuliqonda. Kamva, libuze, “Ngaba ucinga ukuba bendikuphulaphule?”

Xa Ufuna Ukuthetha

Ingxaki:

ULinda okhankanywe ngaphambilana uthi: “Imidlalo ekumabonwakude iye ikubonise njengento eqhelekileyo ukuthetha kakubi okanye ukulithuka iqabane likabani.” Abanye bakhulele kumakhaya apho kuthethwa krwada. Kamva xa betshata, basenokukufumanisa kunzima ukuphepha ukuthetha ngaloo ndlela kwiintsapho zabo. UIvy, ohlala eKhanada uthi: “Ndikhulele ekhayeni apho kwakuyinto eqhelekileyo.”

Isicombululo:

Xa uthetha nabanye ngeqabane lakho, thetha ngezinto ‘ezakhayo, ukuze  ubanike oko kukholekileyo abevayo.’ (Efese 4:29) Thetha ngendlela eza kwenza abanye balihlonele.

Kwanaxa ninedwa, kuphephe ukulithuka iqabane lakho. KuSirayeli wamandulo, uMikali wacatshukiswa ngumyeni wakhe, uKumkani uDavide. Wamthuka esithi wenze kanye ‘njengomnye wabantu abaziziphukuphuku.’ Amazwi akhe amkhubekisa uDavide, yaye noYehova akazange akuthande oko. (2 Samuweli 6:20-23) Sifunda ntoni? Wakhethe kakuhle amazwi owasebenzisayo xa uthetha neqabane lakho. (Kolose 4:6) UPhil, oneminyaka esibhozo etshatile, uyavuma ukuba yena nomfazi bakhe bangaboni ngasonye. Uye waphawula nokuba maxa wambi oko akuthethayo kuye kuzenze mbi nangakumbi izinto. “Ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ukuzama ukuphikisana akuncedi nganto emtshatweni. Eyona nto iluncedo kakhulu kukuzama ukulomeleza ulwalamano lwethu.”

Omnye umhlolokazi ngexesha lamandulo wakhuthaza oomolokazana bakhe ukuba ‘bafumane indawo yokuphumla ngamnye kwindlu yendoda yakhe.’ (Rute 1:9) Xa indoda nomfazi bephathana ngesidima, benza ikhaya labo libe ‘yindawo yokuphumla.’

ZAMA OKU: Zibekeleni ixesha lokuxubusha la macebiso aphantsi kwalo mxholwana. Libuze oku iqabane lakho: “Xa ndithetha ngawe phambi kwabantu, ngaba uziva uhlonelwa okanye ujongelwa phantsi? Ndinokuphucula njani kulo mba?” Phulaphula ngenyameko njengoko iqabane lakho lichaza indlela elivakalelwa ngayo. Zama ukusebenzisa loo macebiso owachazelwa liqabane lakho.

Yamkele Into Yokuba Anifani

Ingxaki:

Abanye abantu abasandul’ ukutshata baye bacinge ukuba xa iBhayibhile ithetha ngokuba “nyama-nye,” ithetha ukuba isibini sifanele sifane ngokweembono okanye sibe nobuntu obufanayo. (Mateyu 19:5) Kodwa ke, baye bakhawuleze babone ukuba liphupha nje elo. Bathi bakutshata, ukungafani kwabo kukhokelele kwiingxabano. ULinda uthi: “Enye into esenza sahluke mpela kukuba uPhil akaxhalabi ngezinto njengam. Maxa wambi uye azole xa mna ndixhalabile, ngoko uye andicaphukise kuba, kuba ngathi akanamsebenzi naloo nto indixhalabisileyo.

Isicombululo:

Lamkele ngendlela eliyiyo iqabane lakho, uze uyihlonele indlela elahluke ngayo kuwe. Ngokomzekelo: Amehlo akho akasebenzi ngendlela efanayo neendlebe zakho; kodwa ziyasebenzisana, ukuze ukwazi ukuwela indlela. UAdrienne, osele eza kugqiba iminyaka engamashumi amathathu etshatile, uthi: “Lo gama iimbono zethu zingangqubani neLizwi likaThixo, mna nomyeni wam siyakwamkela ukuba neembono ezingafaniyo kwizinto ezithile. Ngapha koko ukutshata kwethu akuthethi ukuba sicinga ngendlela efanayo.”

Xa iqabane lakho linembono eyahlukileyo kweyakho okanye lingenzi izinto ngendlela efanayo nawe, musa ukunikela ingqalelo koko kufunwa nguwe. Yicingele indlela elivakalelwa ngayo. (Filipi 2:4) Umyeni ka-Adrienne, uKyle uyavuma esithi: “Andivumelani naye ngayo yonke into umfazi wam. Kodwa ndiye ndizikhumbuze ukuba ndimthanda ngaphezu kokuba ndithanda imbono yam. Xa onwabile, nam ndiyonwaba.”

ZAMA OKU: Bhala indlela imbono yeqabane lakho okanye indlela elizenza ngayo izinto ebhetele ngayo kuneyakho.—Filipi 2:3.

Intlonelo ibalulekile ukuze wonwabe emtshatweni nokuze umtshato uhlale uhleli. ULinda uthi: “Intlonelo ikwenza waneliseke uze uzive unqabisekile emtshatweni. Kuya kuba kuhle ke ukuyihlakulela.”

^ isiqe. 3 Amagama atshintshiwe.

ZIBUZE . . .

  • Indlela iqabane lam elahluke ngayo kum iye yayinceda njani intsapho yethu?

  • Kutheni kukuhle ukuyekelela kwindlela elibona ngayo iqabane lam xa imigaqo yeBhayibhile ingophulwa?

Funda Okungakumbi

Thembelani KuThixo Ukuze Nonwabe Emtshatweni

Ukuzibuza imibuzo nje emibini kungawuphucula umtshato wakho.

Madoda—Yenzani Kube Mnandi Ekhaya

Intsapho isenokuba nemali eninzi, kodwa ingabi nayo eyona nto ibalulekileyo.

Unokonwaba Njani Emtshatweni?

Amacebiso aseBhayibhileni ngendlela onokonwaba ngayo emtshatweni ayasebenza kuba avela kuMsunguli womtshato, uYehova uThixo.