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IMBONISELO 2011-05-01

  Iindlela Zokwenza Intsapho Yakho Yonwabe

Indlela Abantwana Abawutshintsha Ngayo Umtshato

Indlela Abantwana Abawutshintsha Ngayo Umtshato

UMadoda: * “Mna noNondwe savuya sakufumana usana lwethu oluyintombazana. Kodwa ndandingalali kwiinyanga zalo zokuqala. Sasicebe indlela esiza kulunyamekela ngayo, kodwa onke loo macebo aphelel’ emoyeni.”

UNondwe: “Emva kokuzalwa kosana lwethu, ndayeka ukwenza ukuthanda kwam. Ngoku kwakufuneka ndicinge ngetiti yakhe, ukumtshintsha okanye ukumthulisa. Kwafuneka nditshintshe kakhulu. Kwadlula iinyanga ngaphambi kokuba ulwalamano lwam noMadoda lubuyele kwisiqhelo.”

ABANTU abaninzi bayavuma ukuba, ukuba nabantwana yenye yezinto ezibangela uvuyo ebomini. IBhayibhile ithi abantwana “ngumvuzo” ovela kuThixo. (INdumiso 127:3) Abazali abasandula ukufumana umntwana njengoVeli noNondwe bayaqonda ukuba abantwana banokuwutshintsha umtshato ngendlela engalindelekanga. Ngokomzekelo, umama osandula ukubeleka unokunikela ingqalelo engakumbi kusana lwakhe aze amangaliswe yindlela asabela ngayo kwiintswelo zosana lwakhe. Kanti yena utata wosana unokumangaliswa yindlela umfazi wakhe asondelelene ngayo nalo, kodwa ke unokuziva ngathi akahoywanga.

Enyanisweni, ukuzalwa komntwana wokuqala kunokuba ngunobangela weengxaki zomtshato. Iingxaki ezingazange zilungiswe zinokuvela zibangelwa luxanduva lokuba ngabazali.

Abazali abatsha banokuhlengahlengisa njani ukuze bamelane neenyanga zokuqala xa usana lwabo lufuna yonke ingqalelo yabo? Yintoni enokwenziwa sisibini ukuze sihlale sisondelelene? Banokukusingatha njani ukungaboni ngasonye njengabazali? Makhe sihlalutye nganye yezo ngxaki size sibone ukuba inokusetyenziswa njani imigaqo yeBhayibhile.

INGXAKI 1: Yonke ingqalelo ikulo mntwana.

Usana lufuna ixesha nengqalelo kanina. Unokufumana ulwaneliseko olukhulu ngokunyamekela  usana lwakhe. Ngoxa yena umyeni wakhe eziva engahoywanga. UManuel, ohlala eBrazil, uthi: “Ingqalelo yomfazi wam yasuka kum yaya kusana lwethu kwabanzima ukuyamkela loo nto. Kuqala yayikade isithi sobabini, kodwa ngoku yayinguye nosana lwakhe.” Ungahlangabezana njani nale ngxaki?

Undoqo ukuze uphumelele: Yiba nomonde.

IBhayibhile ithi: “Uthando luzeka kade umsindo yaye lunobubele . . . Alufuni ezalo izilangazelelo, alucaphuki.” (1 Korinte 13:4, 5) Xa kuzalwa usana, yintoni enokwenziwa yindoda kunye nomfazi wayo ukuze basebenzise esi siluleko?

Umyeni osisilumko ubonisa uthando lwakhe ngokufunda ngendlela oluza kumtshintsha ngayo usana umfazi wakhe. Ukuba ifundile ngaye iya kusiqonda isizathu sokuba umfazi wayo itshintsha-tshintsha indlela avakalelwa ngayo. * UAdam ohlala eFransi onomntwana oyintombazana oneenyanga ezili-11 ubudala, uthi: “Maxa wambi kuba nzima ukuqhubana nomfazi wam ngenxa yeemvakalelo zakhe eziguquguqukayo. Kodwa ke ndiye ndikhumbule ukuba akacatshukiswa ndim. Kunoko, ubangelwa kukuxinezeleka ngenxa yendima yakhe entsha.”

Ngaba umfazi wakho ukhe angakuqondi xa uzama ukumncedisa? Ukuba kunjalo musa ukukhawuleza ucaphuke. (INtshumayeli 7:9) Kunoko, yiba nomonde uze unyamekele izilangazelelo zakhe, kungekhona ezakho awuyi kukhathazeka.—IMizekeliso 14:29.

Kwelinye icala, umfazi oqondayo uya kuzama ukukhuthaza umyeni wakhe ukuba aphumeze indima yakhe entsha. Uya kumfundisa ukuba yimpelesi, ukumtshintsha xa emanzi okanye ukumenzela ititi—nangona esenokuba liqhitala ekuqaleni.

UEllen, umama oneminyaka engama-26 ubudala, waqonda ukuba kwakufuneka ahlengahlengise kwindlela awayemphatha ngayo umyeni wakhe. Uthi: “Andisamnkonyi umntwana yaye kufuneka ndizikhumbuze ukuba ndingagxeki yonke into ayenzayo umyeni xa ezama ukwenza izinto endimfundisa zona.”

KHAWUZAME ELI CEBISO: Bafazi, ukuba umyeni wakho unyamekela umntwana ngendlela eyahlukileyo kweyakho, musa ukumgxeka okanye ukuphinda uyenze loo nto ebeyenza. Mncome ngaloo nto ayenza kakuhle uya kumenza azithembe uze umkhuthaze akuxhase. Bayeni, ziyekeni izinto ezingabalulekanga ukuze nibe nexesha elaneleyo lokuncedisa abafazi benu, ngokukodwa kwiinyanga zokuqala xa besandula ukubeleka.

INGXAKI 2: Ulwalamano lwenu luba buthathaka.

Ekubeni bediniwe ngenxa yokungalali ngokwaneleyo, abazali abaninzi abasebatsha badla ngokungasondelelani. UVivianne, umama waseFransi oneentsana ezimbini uyavuma esithi: “Ekuqaleni, ndandinikele ingqalelo kakhulu kwindima yam yokuba ngumama, ndade ndalibala ukuba ndingumfazi.”

Kwelinye icala, umyeni usenokungayisi so into yokuba ukukhulelwa kuye kwaba luxanduva emfazini wakhe. Ukuba nosana kutya ixesha ebenidla ngokulichitha kunye yaye niyolisana. Umfazi nendoda bangenza njani ukuze baqinisekise ukuba usana lwabo alubahlukanisi?

Undoqo ukuze uphumelele: Qinisekisanani ukuba nisathandana.

Xa ithetha ngomtshato, iBhayibhile ithi: “Indoda iya kumshiya  uyise nonina, inamathele emfazini wayo baze babe nyama-nye.” * (Genesis 2:24) UYehova uThixo wayenenjongo yokuba ekugqibeleni abantwana babashiye abazali babo. Ngokuchasene noko, uThixo ulindele ukuba ulwalamano lwendoda nomfazi luhlale luhleli. (Mateyu 19:3-9) Ukuqonda loo nto kunokusinceda njani isibini esinosana sikwazi ukubeka izinto ezibalulekileyo kwindawo yazo?

UVivianne, okhankanywe ngaphambili, uthi: “Ndacinga ngamazwi akwiGenesis 2:24, andinceda ndaqonda ukuba ndiye ndaba ‘nyama-nye’ nomyeni wam—kungekhona nosana lwam. Ndayibona imfuneko yokuba ndomeleze umtshato wam.” UTheresa, umama wentombazana eneminyaka emibini ubudala, uthi: “Ukuba ndiva ngathi kukho umsantsa phakathi kwam nomyeni wam, ndiye ndiqiniseke ukuba ndiyamhoya ngoko nangoko, nokuba lixesha elingephi suku ngalunye.”

Ukuba ungumyeni yintoni onokuyenza ukuze womeleze umtshato wakho? Xelela umfazi wakho ukuba uyamthanda. Amazwi akho waxhase ngezenzo zobubele. Zama ukuphelisa onke amathandabuzo asenokuba nawo umfazi wakho. USarah, umama oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala uthi: “Umfazi ufuna ukwazi ukuba usaxatyiswa yaye usathandwa, nangona umzimba wakhe ungasafani nangaphambi kokuba akhulelwe.” UAlan, ohlala eJamani nongutata wamakhwenkwe amabini, uyakubona ukubaluleka kokuxhasa umfazi wakhe ngokweemvakalelo. Uthi: “Ndisoloko ndiqinisekisa ukuba ndiyamthuthuzela umfazi wam.”

Kuyaqondakala ukuba ukuzalwa komntwana kuphazamisa iimfanelo zomtshato. Ngaloo ndlela indoda nomfazi kufuneka bathethe ngeemfuno zabo. IBhayibhile ithi xa isibini singazi kuba nanxaxheba kwiimfanelo zomtshato sifanele ‘sivumelane.’ (1 Korinte 7:1-5) Kufuneke sithethe. Ngenxa yendlela okhuliswe ngayo okanye izithethe, usenokuba mathidala ukuthetha neqabane lakho ngesondo. Kodwa iincoko ezilolo hlobo zibalulekile kuba isibini sizama ukuqhelana nokuba ngabazali. Yiba novelwano, umonde uze unyaniseke. (1 Korinte 10:24) Wena neqabane lakho nakuphepha ukungaqondani kwaye nakuthandana ngakumbi.—1 Petros 3:7, 8.

Kwakhona indoda nomfazi banokulwenza nzulu uthando lwabo ngokuxabisana. Umyeni osisilumko uyaqonda ukuba ubukhulu becala umfazi wakhe wenza umsebenzi omninzi ngasese. UVivianne uthi: “Xa kuphela usuku, ndidla ngokuziva ngathi andikhange ndisebenze nangona bendixakekile ndinyamekela umntwana!” Nangona exakekile, umfazi osisilumko uya kuqiniseka ukuba akamgxeki umyeni wakhe ngegalelo lakhe.—IMizekeliso 17:17.

 KHAWUZAME ELI CEBISO: Boomama, ukuba kunokwenzeka kungakuhle ukuba nikhe nizibe ngobuthongo xa usana lulele. Ngaloo ndlela “uyazihlaziya,” uza kukwazi ukomeleza umtshato wenu. Bootata nanini na kunokwenzeka vuka utyise umntwana okanye umtshintshe xa emanzi ukuze umfazi wakho aphumle. Mana umqinisekisa ukuba uyamthanda ngokumbhalela izibhilivana, umthumelele i-sms okanye umfowunele. Yenzani ixesha lokuncokola kunye. Thethani ngani ningathethi ngomntwana kuphela. Gcinani ulwalamano lwenu lomelele nakukwazi ukumkhulisa kakuhle umntwana.

INGXAKI 3: Aniboni ngasonye ngendlela yokukhulisa umntwana.

Isibini sinokufumanisa ukuba indlela esikhuliswe ngayo iyasixabanisa. Umama waseJapan ogama linguAsami nomyeni wakhe uKatsuro, babe nale ngxaki. UAsami uthi: “Ndandivakalelwa kukuba uKatsuro uyayifekethisa intombi yethu, ngoxa yena wayesithi ndingqwabalala.” Ningakuphepha njani ukuxabana?

Undoqo ukuze uphumelele: Thetha neqabane lakho nize nixhasane.

Ukumkani uSolomon osisilumko wathi: “Ngokukhukhumala ubani ubangela usukuzwano kuphela, kodwa kwabo babhunga kunye kukho ubulumko.” (IMizekeliso 13:10) Ngaba uyayazi indlela eliqeqesha ngayo iqabane lakho? Ukuba niyalinda ade azalwe umntwana ngaphambi kokuba nithethe ngendlela aza kuqeqeshwa ngayo, nisenokuphela nixabana kunokuba nihlangabezane nale ngxaki.

Ngokomzekelo, niyiphendula njani le mibuzo ilandelayo: “Sinokumfundisa njani umntwana ukutya nokulala ngendlela efanelekileyo? Ngaba sifanele sisoloko simthatha umntwana xa ekhala ebusuku? Sifanele sithini xa engakwazi ukuziyela ngasese?” Ngokuqinisekileyo izigqibo enizenzayo ziya kwahluka kwezezinye izibini. UEthan utata wabantwana ababini, uthi: “Kufuneka nithethe ngezinto ukuze nibe neembono ezifanayo. Nakukwazi ukumnceda kunye umntwana wenu.”

KHAWUZAME ELI CEBISO: Cinga ngendlela enakhuliswa ngazo ngabazali benu. Gqibani ngezimo zengqondo nendlela yabo yokwenza izinto eniya kuyisebenzisa xa nikhulisa umntwana wenu. Kwakhona, gqibani ngezimo zengqondo nezinto eningafuniyo ukuzisebenzisa. Chazela iqabane lakho ngesigqibo sakho.

Umntwana Unokuwuphucula Umtshato

Kanye njengokuba abantu ababini abadlala emkhenkceni kufuneka babe nexesha nomonde kufuneka ixesha ukuze niqhelane neendima zenu ezintsha. Ekugqibeleni niza kuba namava afunekayo.

Ukukhulisa umntwana kuya kuvavanya ukuthembeka kwakho kwiqabane lakho kuze kulutshintshe ngonaphakade ulwalamano lwenu. Kwelinye icala, kuya kunivulela ithuba lokuvelisa iimpawu ezintle. Ukuba usebenzisa icebiso lobulumko eliseBhayibhileni, uya kuba namava afana nakaKenneth ongutata wabantwana. Uthi: “Ukukhulisa abantwana kwaba nempembelelo entle kum nasemfazini wam. Ngoku asisazingci, sinothando kwaye siyanyamezelana.” Olo tshintsho luyafuneka emtshatweni.

^ isiqe. 3 Amagama abantu abakweli nqaku atshintshiwe.

^ isiqe. 11 Oomama abaninzi badla ngokuxinezeleka kwiiveki ezimbalwa emva kokuba bebelekile. Abanye badla ngokuhlaselwa sisigulo esibizwa ngokuba Kukudandatheka Kwasemva kokubeleka. Ukuze ufumane ingcombolo ngesi sigulo, funda amanqaku athi: “Ndakwazi Ukumelana Nokudandatheka Kwasemva kokubeleka,” kuVukani! Ka-Agasti 8, 2002, nowesiNgesi kaJuni 8, 2003, othi “Understanding Postpartum Depression,” bapapashwe ngamaNgqina kaYehova. La manqaku anokufundwa kwi-internet www.watchtower.org.

^ isiqe. 19 Ngokutsho komnye umphengululi, igama lesiHebhere eliguqulelwe ngokuthi “ukunamathela” kwiGenesis 2:24 ‘linokuthetha ukuthi nca komnye umntu ngothando nangokunyaniseka.’

ZIBUZE . . .

  • Ndenze ntoni kule veki, ebonisa iqabane lam ukuba ndiyalixabisa igalelo lalo entsatsheni?

  • Ndigqibele nini ukuncokola neqabane lam ngezinto ezingenakuthanani nomntwana?

Funda Okungakumbi

Indlela Yokufundisa Umntwana Wakho

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Inokonwaba Njani Intsapho Yakho?

UYehova, uThixo owonwabileyo, ufuna iintsapho zonwabe. Fumana amacebiso aya kumadoda, abafazi, abazali nabantwana.