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IMBONISELO 2009-02-01

 Indlela Yokwenza Intsapho Yonwabe

Ukuqeqesha Abantwana

Ukuqeqesha Abantwana

UJohn: * Ngaphambi kokuba abazali bam bandohlwaye xa ndenze into etenxileyo babedla ngokuzama ngandlela zonke ukuqonda ukuba bendiqhutywa yintoni kwaye baqonde nemeko ebendikuyo. Ndiye ndizame ukwenjenjalo nam xa ndiqeqesha iintombi zam. Umfazi wam, uAlison, yena wakhuliswa ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Uyise nonina babengazikhathazi ngobucukubhede obuninzi. Kubonakala ngathi bona babebohlwaya abantwana babo bengakhange bazikhathaze ngeemeko ezibangele ukuba bone. Maxa wambi ndiye ndivakalelwe kukuba imazi le yakowethu nayo izeke mzekweni ngokuba gadalala ebantweneni bethu.

Carol: Utata wemka ekhaya xa ndandineminyaka emihlanu ubudala. Wayengandikhathalele mna noodadewethu abathathu. Umama yena wayesiwa evuka ezama ukusondla, ibe nam ndandimncedisa kakhulu ekunyamekeleni oodadewethu abancinane. Kwakunzima ukuba ndinandiphe ubuntwana bam kuba kwakufuneka ndibe ngumzali. Nanamhl’ oku, andingomntu uthanda ukudlalisa. Xa abantwana bam befuna ukuqeqeshwa, ndiye ndichithe ixesha elide ndicinga ngeempazamo zabo. Ndiye ndithand’ ukwazi ukuba kutheni into iye yenzeka nokuba ebecinga ntoni ukuze enze loo nto. Umyeni wam, uMark, yena akasoloko ecinga ngezinto. Wakhuliswa ngutata owayenothando kodwa engqongqo, owayemnyamekela ngokunyaniseka umama wakhe. Umyeni wam uyakhawuleza ukulungisa iingxaki zeentombi zethu. Uye ahlole imeko, ayilungise, akugqiba adlulele kwenye into.

NJENGOKO unokubona koko kuthethwa nguJohn noCarol, indlela okhuliswe ngayo inokuyiphembelela kakhulu indlela nawe obaqeqesha ngayo abantwana bakho. Xa indoda nomfazi bekhuliswe ziintsapho ezahlukileyo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba bangabaqeqeshi ngendlela efanayo abantwana babo. Ngamany’ amaxesha lo mahluko uye udale iingxaki emtshatweni.

Iingxaki zinokuba mbi nangakumbi xa abazali bediniwe. Abazali abatsha baye bakhawuleze bayibone into yokuba ukuqeqesha abantwana kuyadinisa, kungumsebenzi ongapheliyo. UJoan, owakhulisa iintombi ezimbini kunye nomyeni wakhe, uDarren, uthi: “Ndiyazithanda iintombi zam, kodwa zazidla ngokungafuni ukuya kulala ngexesha endifuna zilale ngalo. Zaziye zivuke ngexesha elibi. Zazindiphazamisa xa ndifuna  ukuthetha. Zazishiya izihlangu, iimpahla nezinto zokudlala zithe saa kuyo yonke indawo, kwaye zazingayibuyiseli ibhotolo efrijini.”

UJack, owagulelwa ngumfazi waza waba noxinezeleko lwengqondo emva kokuba ebeleke umntwana wabo wesibini, uthi: “Ndandidla ngokufika endlwini ndidinwe ndiyimfe emva komsebenzi, kube kufuneka ukuba ndilale ndiphaphama kuba ndihoye usana lwethu. Le nto yenza kwanzima ukuba ndiqeqeshe intwazana yethu endadlana. Yayifuna ingqalelo imonela udade wayo omncinci.”

Xa abazali abadiniweyo bengaboni ngasonye ngendlela yokuqeqesha umntwana, oko kungaboni ngasonye kuncinane kunokukhula kube yingxabano enkulu. Iingxabano ezingalungiswanga zinokubangela ukuba isibini siye sichaselana kude aze nomntwana lowo abathelekise abazali bakhe. Yiyiphi imigaqo yeBhayibhile eya kunceda isibini silomeleze iqhina lomtshato xa siqeqesha abantwana baso?

Yibani Nexesha Lenu

Iqhina lomtshato liye libekho ngaphambi kokuba abantwana bazalwe, kwaye ngokomthetho lifanele libekho nasemva kweminyaka abantwana bemkile ekhaya. IBhayibhile ihlomla yenjenje ngeqhina lomtshato: “Oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.” (Mateyu 19:6) Ukanti kwaesi sicatshulwa sinye sibonisa ukuba injongo kaThixo yayikukuba ekugqibeleni umntwana ‘amshiye uyise nonina.’ (Mateyu 19:5) Kucacile ke ukuba, nakuphi na ukukhuliswa kwabantwana kulinqanaba oye ufikelele kulo umtshato, kungekhona isiseko somtshato ngokwawo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, abazali kufuneka baziphe ixesha lokuqeqesha abantwana babo, kodwa kunokuba kuhle ukuba bakhumbule ukuba ngumtshato owomeleleyo osesona siseko siluqilima sokwenjenjalo.

Yiyiphi enye indlela isibini esinokugcina ubuhlobo baso bomelele ngoxa sikhulisa abantwana? Ukuba kunokwenzeka, khanikhe nibe namaxesha eniwabekela bucala okuba nibe nobabini qha, bangabikho abantwana. Ukwenjenjalo kuya kuninika ithuba lokuncokola ngezinto zentsapho ezibalulekileyo kwaye nikuvuyele ukuba nobabini. Ewe kona akuyonto ilula ukubekela bucala ixesha lokuba nedwa. UAlison, umama esikhe sathetha ngaye ngaphambili, uthi, “Xa kanye mna nomyeni wam sisithi heke sayifumana loo mizuzwana yokuba sedwa, suke intwazana yethu elithunjana ifune ukuhoywa okanye ke lo uneminyaka emithandathu abe ‘nengxaki,’ mhlawumbi athi akaziboni izinto zakhe zokuzoba.”

UJoan noDarren, esikhe sathetha ngabo nabo, babesenza ixesha lokuba bodwa ngokunyanzela abantwana babo ukuba baye kulala ngexesha elithile. “Sasisoloko sinexesha elibekiweyo lokuba kucinywe izibane zize iintombi zethu ziye kulala,” utsho uJoan. “Loo nto yayisinika ixesha lokuba siphumle yaye sincokole noDarren.”

Xa isibini sibekela abantwana ixesha lokulala, asiyi kwanela ukuzongela ixesha lokuba sedwa, kodwa siya kunceda nomntwana lowo ukuba “angazicingeli ngaphezu koko amelwe kukuzicingela ngako.” (Roma 12:3) Ekugqibeleni, abantwana abaqeqeshelwe ukuthobela ixesha elimiselweyo lokulala baye baqonde ukuba bayinxalenye ebalulekileyo yentsapho kodwa abanguye oyena ndoqo wentsapho—bamele bathobele ucwangciso lwentsapho kunokuba balindele ukuba ucwangciso lwentsapho luthobele bona.

KHANIZAME LE NTO: Bekani ixesha lokulala nize niqiniseke ukuba lithotyelwa rhoqo. Ukuba umntwana ubeka isizathu sokuba angalali, mhlawumbi athi ucela ukuya kusela amanzi, ningamvumela isihlandlo sokuqala. Kodwa ningamvumeli umntwana wenu aman’ ukurhoxisa ixesha lokuya kulala ngokucela into emva kwenye. Ukuba umntwana wenu uyanicenga ukuba nimphe imizuzu emihlanu kwaye niyamvumela, setani ialamu ukuba ikhale emva kwemizuzu emihlanu. Xa ikhala, umntwana makaye kulala ngaphandle kothethathethwano. ‘UEwe wenu makabe nguEwe, uHayi wenu, abe nguHayi.’—Mateyu 5:37.

Manyanani

Umzekeliso onobulumko uthi: “Yiphulaphule, nyana wam, ingqeqesho kayihlo, ungawushiyi  umthetho kanyoko.” (IMizekeliso 1:8) Le ndinyana yeBhayibhile ithetha ukuba utata nomama banelungelo lokusebenzisa igunya kubantwana babo. Noko ke, kwanaxa isibini sineemvelaphi ezifanayo, sinokungavumelani ngendlela umntwana afanele aqeqeshwe ngayo nangemithetho yasekhaya efanele isebenze kwimeko ethile. Abazali banokuyithini ke loo ngxaki?

UJohn, ocatshulwe ngaphambidlana, uthi, “Mna ndicinga ukuba kubalulekile ukungaphikisani phambi kwabantwana.” Kodwa ke uyavuma ukuba ukumanyana akululanga njengokuba sicinga. “Abantwana baneliso elibukhali,” utsho uJohn. “Kwanaxa singakhange siyithethe into yokuba asivananga ngento ethile, intombi yethu ivele iyifunde ivaliwe ukuba ikho into engathanga ncam.”

UJohn noAlison bayilungisa njani le ngxaki? UAlison uthi: “Xa ndingavumelani nendlela umyeni wam ayiqeqesha ngayo intombi yethu, ndiye ndilinde de imke ngaphambi kokuba ndiveze ezam izimvo. Andifuni icinge ukuba ‘inokusithelekisa ize yakugqiba isilawule’ isebenzisa izinto esingaboni ngasonye kuzo. Xa ibona ukuba asivumelani ngento, ndiye ndiyixelele ukuba ilungu lentsapho ngalinye lifanele lilandele ilungiselelo likaYehova kwaye mna ndizithoba ngaphandle kokukrikriza kubuntloko bukayise kanye njengokuba nayo ifanele izithobe kwigunya lethu njengabazali.” (1 Korinte 11:3; Efese 6:1-3) UJohn uthi: “Xa sihleli kunye njengentsapho, ndim oye aqeqeshe iintombi zethu. Kodwa xa into ifuna uAlison, ndiye ndimvumele ukuba ibe nguye oqeqeshayo ndize ndimxhase. Xa ndingavumelani naye ngento ethile, siye siyincokole ngelinye ixesha.”

Unokwenza njani ukuze ukungaboni ngasonye ngendlela yokuqeqesha umntwana kungadali ingqumbo phakathi kwakho neqabane lakho—ize loo nto yenze abantwana banidelele?

KHAWUZAME LE NTO: Bekani ixesha eniza kuthetha ngemiba yokuqeqesha abantwana ngalo veki nganye, nize nizithethe ngokukhululekileyo naziphi na izinto eningaboni ngasonye kuzo. Zama ukubona imbono yeqabane lakho, uze uyihlonele into yokuba neqabane lakho liyamzala kaloku loo mntwana.

Vumelani Ubuzali Bunenze Nisondelelane

Ngokuqinisekileyo ukuqeqesha abantwana akuyondlwan’ iyanetha. Maxa wambi kunokuba ngumsebenzi oqobayo. Kodwa ke kungekudala, abantwana benu baya kulishiya ikhaya, kwaye wena neqabane lakho niya kuphinda nibe sisibini kwakhona. Ngaba ngeloo xesha iqhina lenu lomtshato liya kube selomelele ngakumbi okanye selenziwe buthathaka kukukhulisa abantwana? Impendulo yalo mbuzo iya kuxhomekeka kwindlela eniwusebenzisa ngayo umgaqo ofumaneka kwiNtshumayeli 4:9, 10: “Ababini balunge ngakumbi kunomnye, ngenxa yokuba banomvuzo ngomsebenzi wabo onzima. Ngokuba xa omnye wabo esiwa, omnye unokuliphakamisa iqabane lakhe.”

Xa abazali besebenzisana, umphumo uya kuba ngoncumisayo. UCarol, ocatshulwe ngaphambidlana, uthi: “Ndandisazi ukuba umyeni wam wayeneempawu ezininzi ezintle, kodwa sathi sakukhulisa abantwana kunye ndatsho ndabona nezo bendingazazi. Ndiye ndamhlonela yaye ndamthanda nangakumbi xa ndibona indlela abezinyamekela kakuhle ngayo iintombi zethu.” UJohn yena uthi ngoAlison, “Ukubona indlela imazi yakowethu eye yatshintsha ngayo yaba ngumama kundenze ndayithanda yaye ndayihlonela nangakumbi.”

Ukuba nibekela bucala ixesha lokuba nedwa kwaye niyasebenzisana ngeminyaka yokukhulisa abantwana, umtshato wenu uya komelela nangakumbi njengoko abantwana benu bekhula. Nguwuphi umzekelo omhle eninokuwubekela abantwana benu?

^ isiqe. 3 Amagama abo atshintshiwe.

ZIBUZE . . .

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  • Ndilixhasa njani iqabane lam xa liqeqesha abantwana bethu?

Funda Okungakumbi

Inokonwaba Njani Intsapho Yakho?

UYehova, uThixo owonwabileyo, ufuna iintsapho zonwabe. Fumana amacebiso aya kumadoda, abafazi, abazali nabantwana.