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IMBONISELO 2008-08-01

 Iindlela Zokwenza Intsapho Yonwabe

Ukunxibelelana Nabantwana Abafikisayo

Ukunxibelelana Nabantwana Abafikisayo

Bekufudula kulula ukuncokola nonyana wam, ekubeni ngoku eneminyaka eli-16 ubudala kunzima kum okanye uyise ukumazi ukuba ucinga ntoni. Likheswa usuka azivalele egumbini lakhe akafane athethe nathi!”—UMIRIAM, WASEMEXICO.

“Ngaxa lithile, abantwana bam babephulaphula yonke into endibaxelela yona. Ngoku ekubeni bekwishumi elivisayo, bacinga ukuba andilandeli.”—USCOTT, WASEOSTRELIYA.

UKUBA ukhulisa umntwana okwishumi elivisayo, usenokuba uyayiqonda intlungu abatyhubela kuyo abazali abacatshulwe ngasentla. Kwixa elidluleyo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba kwakulula ukuncokola nomntwana wakho. Kodwa ngoku izinto zitshintshile. UAngela ongumama waseItali uthi: “Xa unyana wam wayengumntwana wayedla ngokundibuza uthotho lwemibuzo. Ngoku kufuneka ndiqalise incoko naye. Ukuba andizami ukuncokola naye ziya kuqengqeleka iintsuku kungekho uthethayo.”

Mhlawumbi, nawe njengoAngela uphawule ukuba umntwana wakho owayekade eluhadi oluzibethayo ngoku yinkomo edla yodwa. Xa uzama ukuncokola naye uphendula loo nto uyibuzayo. Ubuza unyana wakho ukuba “ibinjani imini yakhe.” “Ibintle,” ukunika iimpendulo eziquphayo. Ubuza intombi yakho ukuba: “Kwenzeke ntoni esikolweni namhlanje?” Ibonakala ingenamdla ithi, “akwenzekanga nto.” Uzama ukuncokola naye uyambuza ukuba “kutheni ethethela emazinyweni nje?” usuka atye tyum.

Olunye ulutsha ngamapholopholo. Izinto oluzithethayo asizozinto abafuna ukuzazi abazali babo. Omnye umama waseNigeria ogama linguEdna uthi: “‘Khawahlukane nam,’ leyo yindlela eyayindiphendula ngayo intombi yam xa ndicela ukuba yenze umsetyenzana othile.” URamon, waseMexico, waphawula isimilo esifanayo nakunyana wakhe oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala. Uthi: “Phantse yonke imihla sisoloko sixambulisana. Xa ndimcela ukuba enze into ethile, uza kuthetha umlembelele wento echaza izizathu zokuba engenakukwazi.”

Ukuzama ukuncokola nomntwana ofikisayo kuba luvavanyo kumzali. IBhayibhile iyavuma ukuba: “Amacebo ayatshitsha apho kungekho gqugula.” (IMizekeliso 15:22) UAnna waseRashiya ongumzali okhulisa abantwana yedwa uthi: “Xa ndingazi ukuba ucinga ntoni unyana wam, ndiba ligqabi ngumsindo kuthi mandikhale.” Kanye ngexesha abafanele bancokole ngalo abazali nabantwana babo kutheni bengakwazi ukuthetha?

Oonobangela Bale Ngxaki

Ukunxibelelana asikokuthetha nje. UYesu wathi: “Umlomo uthetha ngokuphuphuma kwentliziyo.” (Luka 6:45) Ukuba sinxibelelana   kakuhle, sifunda kwabanye size sithethe izinto ezithile ngathi. Kunokuba nzima kulutsha olufikisayo ukuzityand’ igila, kwanabantwana abangamaqharhaqharha banokuba yiminyewu xa befikisa. Iingcali zithi ulutsha olufikisayo luvakalelwa kukuba lusoloko luthiwe ntsho ngamehlo kujongwe yonke into oluyenzayo noluyithethayo, ngokungathi luseqongeni lulayitwe ngesibane. Kunokuba luzixhome kulo meko lujamelene nayo, ulutsha oluninzi luyazinxwema.

Enye into enokuba ngumqobo wonxibelelwano kukuzimela geqe. Isibakala esingenakuphikwa kukuba umntwana wakho uyakhula, yaye oko kuthetha ukuba kuza kufuneka azimele. Oku akuthethi ukuba sele ekulungele ukuzimela. Eli lelona xesha akufuna kakhulu ngalo. Kodwa ukuzimela kuqala kwakude kudala. Ekubeni ngoku besiba ngabantu abakhulu, abantwana abaninzi badla ngokuzicinga izinto ngaphambi kokuba bathethe ngazo.

Umama waseMexico ogama linguJessica uthi: “Ulutsha olufikisayo lusenokungabi yiminyewu xa lunoontanga.” Uthi: “Xa yayiselula intombi yam, yayidla ngokundixelela iingxaki zayo. Ngoku izisa kwitshomi zayo.” Ukuba nowakho umntwana wenza loo nto musa ukucinga ukuba “ukukhalele.” Ngokwahlukileyo koko, uhlolisiso oluye lwenziwa lubonisa ukuba nokuba ulutsha alutsho, luyawaxabisa amacebiso abazali ngaphezu kwamacebiso oontangandini. Unokwenza njani ukuze uqiniseke ukuba nihlala nithetha?

Undoqo Ukuze Uphumelele—Ukususa Imiqobo

Masithi uhamba kuhola wendlela othe tyaba. Iikhilomitha ezininzi ubuthe chu kakuhle. Ungalindelanga ungena egopheni. Ukuze ugcine imoto yakho isendleleni xa kukho igophe kufuneka utshintshe indlela oqhuba ngayo. Kubanjalo naxa umntwana wakho efikisa ebuntwini obukhulu. Mhlawumbi indlela obunxibelelana ngayo nomntwana wakho ibiphumelela yonke le minyaka, kodwa ngoku umele ‘uyitshintshe indlela’ omqeqesha ngayo. Zibuze le mibuzo ilandelayo.

‘Xa unyana okanye intombi yam ifuna ukuthetha ngaba ndiyaphulaphula?’ IBhayibhile ithi: “Linjengama-apile egolide kwinto yesilivere ekroliweyo ilizwi elithethwe ngexesha elifanelekileyo.” (IMizekeliso 25:11) Njengokuba esi sibhalo sibonisa kuhle ukujonga ixesha elifanelekileyo. Ngokomzekelo masithi: Umlimi akanakuze avune ngaphambi kwexesha okanye ngemva kwexesha lokuvuna. Umele avune lisakufika ixesha lokuvuna. Umntwana wakho usenokuba unexesha elithile apho akulungeleyo ukuthetha. Xhakamfula elo thuba. UFrances ongumzali omnye waseOstreliya uthi: “Izihlandlo ezininzi, intombi yam idla ngokuza kwigumbi lam lokulala, maxa wambi ithethe kuphele iyure. Andingomntu ukuthandayo ukuhlala kude kube sebusuku, kwakungelulanga, kodwa sasithetha ngayo yonke into.”

ZAMA OKU: Ukuba akakufuni ukuthetha, yenzani into ethile kunye—njengokubethwa ngumoya, nihambe ngemoto, dlalani okanye nenze umsebenzi othile kunye. Xa ulutsha lukwindawo ekhululekileyo kuba lula ukuzityand’ igila.

‘Ngaba ndiyayiqonda eyona nto ithethwayo?’ UYobhi 12:11 uthi: “Ngaba indlebe ayiwavavanyi amazwi. Njengoko inkalakahla ingcamla ukutya?” Elo lelona xesha ekufuneka “uyazi” into ayithethayo umntwana wakho. Ulutsha olufikisayo ludla ngokuthetha ngezinto ngokungathi zinjalo. Ngokomzekelo, unyana okanye intombi yakho isenokuthi, “Undiphatha ngathi ndingumntwana” okanye usenokuthi “Awundiphulaphuli” musa ukuxambulisana naye kuba akathethi loo nto. Ngokomzekelo xa esithi “usoloko undiphatha ngathi ndingumntwana” usenokuba uthetha ukuba “ndivakalelwa kukuba awundithembi,” xa “esithi awundiphulaphuli” usenokuba uthetha ukuba “ndifuna ukukuxelela eyona ndlela ndivakalelwa ngayo.”  Zama ukuqonda iimvakalelo ezihamba naloo mazwi.

KHAWUZAME LE NDLELA: Xa umntwana wakho ethetha rhabaxa, unokuthi: “Ndiyabona ukuba uxakanisekile, yaye ndinomdla wokuva ukuba yintoni le ikukhathazileyo.” Ndichazele isizathu sokuba ucinge ukuba ndikuphatha njengomntwana. Mphulaphule ngaphandle kokumphazamisa.

‘Ngaba ndiphazamisa unxibelelwano ngokumnyanzela umntwana ukuba athethe?’ IBhayibhile ithi: “Imbewu yesiqhamo sobulungisa ihlwayelwa phantsi kweemeko zoxolo ngabo benza uxolo.” (Yakobi 3:18) Ngamazwi nangendlela oziphethe ngayo, dala ‘iimeko zoxolo’ ukuze kube lula ukuzityand’ igila emntwaneni. Khumbula ukuba uyintonga yasekhosi yomntwana wakho. Xa nithetha ngombandela othile, musa ukuba ngathi ungumtshutshisi enkundleni. Omnye utata waseKorea ogama linguAhn uthi: “Umzali olumkileyo akawathethi amazwi afana nathi, ‘Uyakukhula nini?’ okanye athi, ‘Kukangaphi ndikuxelela le nto mntwana ndini?’ Emva kokwenza iimpazamo eziliqela kule nkalo, ndafumanisa ukuba abafana bam babekhathazekile kungekhona yindlela endandithetha ngayo kuphela kodwa nazizinto endandizithetha.”

NANTSI ENYE INDLELA ONOKUYIZAMA: Ukuba umntwana wakho okwishumi elivisayo akakuphenduli xa umbuza into ethile, zama enye indlela. Ngokomzekelo, kunokuba umbuze ukuba ibinjani imini yakhe, mxelele ukuba ibinjani eyakho. Ukuba ufuna ukuva uluvo lwakhe, mbuze imibuzo engazukunikel’ ingqalelo kuye. Mbuze ukuba uvakalelwa njani umhlobo wakhe ngombandela othile. Mbuze ukuba yintoni ebenokumcebisa ukuba ayenze umhlobo wakhe.

Ukunxibelelana nomntwana ofikisayo asingomsebenzi ungapha kwamandla akho. Visisanisa indlela oqeqesha ngayo neemeko ezikhoyo. Thetha nabanye abazali abaye baphumelela kule nkalo. (IMizekeliso 11:14) Xa uthetha nonyana okanye intombi yakho, ‘khawuleza ukuva, ucothe ukuthetha, ucothe ukuqumba.’ (Yakobi 1:19) Ukongezelela koku, ungaze uyiyeke ‘ingqeqesho nokweyisela igqondo kuYehova.’—Efese 6:4.

ZIBUZE: . . .

  • Luluphi utshintsho endilubonayo emntwaneni wam njengokuba efikisa?

  • Ndingayiphucula njani indlela endincokola ngayo?