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IMboniselo—Yokufundisa  |  Juni 2014

Nceda Abazalwana Abaqhawukelwe Ngumtshato—Njani?

Nceda Abazalwana Abaqhawukelwe Ngumtshato—Njani?

Mhlawumbi ukho umntu omaziyo oye waqhawukelwa ngumtshato. Isizathu soku kukuba uqhawulo-mtshato yinto exhaphakileyo. Ngokomzekelo, uphando olwenziwa ePoland lubonisa ukuba izibini ezineminyaka emalunga neyi-30 ubudala nezineminyaka emithathu ukusa kwemithandathu zitshatile zezona zisengozini yokuqhawula umtshato; ibe asizizo kuphela.

I-Institute for Family Policy yaseSpeyin ithi, “uphando lubonisa ukuba [eYurophu] ifikelela kwisiqingatha imitshato eqhawukayo.” Kwenzeka into efanayo nakwamanye amazwe ami kakuhle.

UKUPHAZAMISEKA KWEEMVAKALELO

Ibangelwa yintoni le nto ibuhlungu kangaka? Enye ingcali ngemitshato yaseMpuma Yurophu ithi: “Ukuqhawuka komtshato ngumphumo nje wento esele yenzekile—ukuphela kolwalamano okukhokelela ekwahlukaneni, nto leyo ebangela intlungu engathethekiyo.” Yongeza isithi: “Oku kudla ngokuvuselela iimvakalelo ezahlukahlukeneyo—umsindo, ukuzisola, ukuphoxeka, ukuphelelwa lithemba nokuhlazeka.” Maxa wambi umntu oqhawukelwe ngumtshato ude acinge ngokuzibulala. “Xa lo mtshato uqhawuke ngokusemthethweni, kuye kulandele iimvakalelo zokuziva kungekho yakho okanye ulahliwe. Usenokude uzibuze: ‘Ekubeni ndingasatshatanga, ndiyintoni kanye kanye? Yintoni endisayiphilelayo?’”

Ecinga ngendlela awayevakalelwa ngayo kwiminyaka edlulileyo, uEwa uthi: “Ndahlazeka gqitha emva kokuqhawuka komtshato wam, kuba abamelwane nabantu endisebenza nabo babedla ngokuthi xa bethetha ngam, ‘ngulo uqhawukelwe ngumtshato.’ Ndandicaphuka. Ekubeni umyeni wam wayendishiye nabantwana ababini, kwafuneka ndibe nguMama noTata kubo.” * UAdam, owayesele engumdala ohlonelwayo kangangeminyaka eyi-12, uthi: “Ndiziva kungekho yam kangangokuba maxa wambi ndiye ndicaphuke, ndide ndifune ukuba ndedwa.”

UKUQHUBEKA NOBOMI

Ekubeni bexhalabele ikamva, abanye abantu baye bakufumanisa kunzima ukuqhubeka nobomi—nokuba sele kudlule iminyaka emva kokuqhawuka komtshato wabo. Basenokucinga ukuba akukho mntu ubakhathaleleyo. Ukongezelela koko, omnye umbhali wamaphephandaba uthi, ngoku kufuneka “batshintshe indlela abenza ngayo izinto baze bajamelane neengxaki bodwa.”

UStanisław uthi: “Xa saqhawula umtshato wethu, umfazi wam wayengafuni ndibone iintombi zam ezimbini. Loo nto yandenza ndaziva ndingakhathalelwanga  yaye ndishiyiwe nanguYehova. Ndandingayiboni into endiyiphilelayo. Ethubeni, ndayibona indlela ekuphosakele ngayo ukucinga ngolu hlobo.” Omnye umntu owayexhalabele ikamva yayinguWanda, naye owayephelelwe ngumtshato. Uthi: “Ndandiqinisekile ukuba kungekudala, abantu—kuquka amaKristu—babeza kuyeka ukundikhathalela mna nabantwana bam. Noko ke, ngoku ndiyayibona indlela abazalwana ababesikhathalele ngayo baza bandincedisa kwiinzame zam zokukhulisa abantwana bam ukuze banqule uYehova.”

Amava alolu hlobo abonisa kakuhle ukuba emva kokuqhawuka komtshato, abanye basenokuba buhlungu. Basenokuzijongela phantsi, bacinge ukuba akukho yabo ibe akukho mntu unokubonisa mdla kubo. Basenokude baqalise ukugxeka abanye abantu. Ngenxa yoko, banokucinga ukuba ibandla alibahoyanga ibe alinaluvelwano. Sekunjalo, amava kaStanisław noWanda abonisa ukuba abazalwana noodade abaphelelwe ngumtshato ekugqibeleni banokubona ukuba bayathandwa. Abazalwana noodade baba luncedo, nakuba maxa wambi olo ncedo luye lungaqapheleki.

XA BEZIVA BENGAMALOLO YAYE BENGAFUNWA

Ukhumbule ukuba, kungakhathaliseki ukuba sizama kangakanani ukubanceda, abantu abaphelelwe ngumtshato basenokumana beziva bengamalolo. Oodade abaqhawukelwe ngumtshato basenokucinga ukuba akukho mntu unomdla kubo. UAlicja uthi: “Sendineminyaka esibhozo ndingatshatanga, kodwa maxa wambi ndiye ndizeye. Xa kunjalo, ndiye ndifune ukuba ndedwa ndikhale.”

Nakuba ezi mvakalelo ziqhelekile kubantu abaqhawukelwe ngumtshato, iBhayibhile ayikukhuthazi ukuzikhetha kwabanye. Oku kunokubangela ukuba umntu agatye “bonke ubulumko bobuqili.” (IMize. 18:1) Noko ke, umntu oziva elilolo umele aqonde ukuba, kuya kuba bubulumko ukungasoloko efuna amacebiso nokuthuthuzelwa kumntu wesini esahlukileyo. Loo nto iya kwenza kungavuseleleki iminqweno engafanelekanga.

Abazalwana bethu abaqhawukelwe ngumtshato basenokonganyelwa ziimvakalelo ezibuhlungu, eziquka ukuxhalabela ikamva nokuziva bengamalolo okanye belahliwe. Ukwazi ukuba ezi mvakalelo zixhaphakile yaye kunzima ukulwa nazo, kuya kusinceda sifune ukuxelisa uYehova size sibaxhase abazalwana noodadewethu. (INdu. 55:22; 1 Pet. 5:6, 7) Sinokuqiniseka ukuba baya kuluxabisa naluphi na uncedo esibanika lona. Baya kutsho bafumane uncedo oluvela kubahlobo bokwenene ebandleni!IMize. 17:17; 18:24.

^ isiqe. 6 Asingomagama abo la.