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UVukani!  |  Disemba 2014

 UKUNCEDA IINTSAPHO | UMTSHATO

Indlela Yokuyekelela

Indlela Yokuyekelela

INGXAKI

Wena neqabane lakho kukho into eningavumelaniyo ngayo. Kukho izinto ezintathu onokuzenza:

  1. Unokunyanzelisa ukuba kwenziwe ngendlela efunwa nguwe.

  2. Unokwenza le nto ifunwa liqabane lakho.

  3. Nobabini ninokuyekelela.

Usenokuthi: ‘Andikuthandi ukuyekelela kuba ingathi akakho kuthi oza kufumana le nto ayifunayo!’

Qiniseka ukuba ukuyekelela akunyanzelekanga kunishiye ningonwabanga nobabini—ukuba nje nikwenza kakuhle. Kodwa ke, ngaphambi kokucinga ngendlela onokuyekelela ngayo, kukho izinto omele uzazi ngolu phawu lubalulekileyo.

OKO UFANELE UKWAZI

Ukuyekelela kufuna intsebenziswano. Ngaphambi kokuba utshate, mhlawumbi wawuqhele ukuzenzela izigqibo. Ngoku izinto zitshintshile, wena neqabane lakho kufuneka nibeke umtshato wenu kuqala kunezinto zobuqu. Kunokuba ucinge ukuba oko kuya kukushiya ungonwabanga, cinga ngeengenelo zako. UAlexandra, ongumfazi otshatileyo uthi: “Amacebo abantu ababini anokuba mahle kakhulu kunento obunokuyiceba uwedwa.”

Ukuyekelela kufuna ingqondo ephangaleleyo. UJohn M. Gottman, ongumcebisi ngezomtshato uthi: “Awunyanzelekanga ukuba uvumelane nayo yonke into ethethwa okanye ekholelwa liqabane lakho, kodwa kufuneka ukulungele ukuqonda indlela elicinga ngayo. Ukuba uzibona sele usonge izandla, unikina (okanye ucinga ngokwenza oko) xa iqabane lakho lizama ukulungisa ingxaki eninayo, soze nihambele ndawo.” *

Ukuyekelela kufuna ukuzincama. Akakho umntu okuthandayo ukuhlala neqabane elicinga ukuba indlela yalo yiyo kuphela elungileyo. Kubhetele ngakumbi xa amaqabane omabini ekulungele ukuzincama. UJune, ongumfazi otshatileyo uthi: “Kukho amaxesha apho ndiyekelelayo ukuze umyeni wam onwabe, kodwa naye uyakwenza oko. Umtshato ufanele ube njalo, ngu—ina ethe, akukho kwabamb’ ezakhe.”

 OKO UNOKUKWENZA

Qala kakuhle. Ingxoxo idla ngokuphela ngendlela ebiqale ngayo. Ukuba uqala ngamazwi arhabaxa, amathuba okuvumelana ambalwa. Xa kunjalo, landela icebiso leBhayibhile elithi: “Yambathani . . . ububele, ukuthobeka kwengqondo, ubulali, nokuzeka kade umsindo.” (Kolose 3:12) Iimpawu ezinjalo ziya kunceda wena neqabane lakho nikuphephe ukuxambulisana nize nisebenzisane ekulungiseni ingxaki.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Kolose 4:6.

Funani into enivumelana ngayo. Ukuba iinzame zenu zokuyekelela ziphela ziyingxabano eshushu, kusenokwenzeka ukuba wena neqabane lakho nijonge kakhulu izinto eningavumelani ngazo. Endaweni yoko, funani ezi nivumelana ngazo. Ukuze nikwenze oko, zamani oku:

Ngamnye makenze uludwe olunamacandelo amabini. Kwelokuqala, bhala izinto ekunzima ukuba uyekelele kuzo. Kwelesibini, bhala izinto ocinga ukuba unokuyekelela kuzo. Thethani ngoludwe enilubhalileyo. Ninokufumanisa ukuba izinto ekunzima ukuyekelela kuzo azahlukanga kangako. Ukuba kunjalo, kufanele kube lula ukuyekelela. Nokuba zahlukile, ukubhala phantsi zonke iinkalo kuya kunceda wena neqabane lakho nizijonge kakuhle izinto.

Gqugulani. Ezinye iingxaki kunokuba lula ukuzilungisa. Noko ke, kwezinzima, indoda nomfazi banokusondelelana ngakumbi xa begqugula ngendlela yokuzilungisa, baze namacebo ebebengenokuwacinga xa bebodwa.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: INtshumayeli 4:9.

Kulungele ukurhoxa. IBhayibhile ithi: “Ngamnye wenu makamthande umfazi wakhe njengoko ezithanda; ke yena umfazi, makabe nentlonelo enzulu ngendoda yakhe.” (Efese 5:33) Xa iqabane ngalinye liziva lithandwa yaye lihlonelwa, kuya kuba lula ukuqonda indlela elinye elizijonga ngayo izinto—mhlawumbi litshintshe nendlela ebelicinga ngayo. Umyeni onguCameron uthi, “Kukho izinto obungenakuthanda ukuzenza kodwa—ngenxa yeqabane lakho—uphela uzithanda.”—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Genesis 2:18.

^ isiqe. 12 Ithatyathwe kwincwadi ethi, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.