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UVUKANI! JANUWARI 2013

 INQAKU ELIPHAMBILI

Ukukhulisa Abantwana Abangacingeli Iziqu Zabo Kuphela Kweli Hlabathi Linabantu Abazicingelayo

Ukukhulisa Abantwana Abangacingeli Iziqu Zabo Kuphela Kweli Hlabathi Linabantu Abazicingelayo

SUKU ngalunye siba nethuba lokwenzela abanye izinto ezintle. Kodwa kubonakala ngathi uninzi lwabantu lucingela iziqu zalo kuphela. Oku sikubona phantse kuyo yonke indawo—kwindlela abantu abaqhatha ngayo abanye, abaqhuba ngayo ezindleleni, abathetha rhabaxa ngayo nasekugqajukelweni kwabo yimisindo.

Lo moya wokubeka isiqu sakho kuqala ukho nakwiintsapho ezininzi. Ngokomzekelo, abanye abantu baqhawula umtshato kuba nje besithi “kukho okubhetele abanokukufumana kwenye indawo.” Nkqu nabanye abazali, banokuthi bengaqondanga bawuphembe lo mlilo wokuzicingela kubantwana babo. Njani? Ngokubafekethisa abantwana, ngoxa kwelinye icala berhuq’ iinyawo xa kufuneka bebohlwayile.

Kodwa ke, abazali abaninzi baqeqesha abantwana babo ukuba babacingele abanye yaye bafumana umvuzo ngenxa yoko. Abantwana ababacingelayo abanye badla ngokufumana abahlobo abasenyongweni baze bonwabe. Kwakhona, badla ngokwaneliseka ebomini. Ngoba? Kaloku iBhayibhile ithi, “kunoyolo ngakumbi ukupha kunokwamkela.”—IZenzo 20:35.

Ukuba ungumzali, yintoni onokuyenza ukuze ufundise abantwana bakho ukuba babe nobubele baze bangasuleleki ngulo mkhwa mbi wokuzicingela oxhaphakileyo namhlanje? Makhe sithethe ngezinto ezintathu ezinokwenza abantwana bakho bacingele iziqu zabo kuphela, kunye noko unokukwenza ukuze uthintele lo mkhwa.

 1 Ukubancoma ngokugqithiseleyo

Ingxaki. Abaphandi bafumanise lo mkhwa uyingxaki: Ulutsha oluninzi luthi luqala nje ukusebenza lube sele lucinga ukuba lunelungelo lokufumana yonke into oluyifunayo—yaye lucinga ukuba luza kufumana impumelelo olungakhange luyisebenzele. Olunye luthi lungekakwazi nokwenza kwaloo msebenzi luwuqeshelweyo lube sele lucinga ukuba lufanele lunyuselwe. Kubekho nolunye olucinga ukuba luziingcaphephe yaye lufanele luphathwe njengookumkani—luze ludane kanobomi xa lubona ukuba ihlabathi alithanga nqa lulo.

Unobangela. Amaxesha amaninzi, oku kudla ngokubangelwa yindlela umntu akhuliswe ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, abanye abazali bathe phithi ngulo moya uphandl’ apha ohlohla abantu uluvo lokuba bangoothile noye wasasazeka kule minyaka yakutshanje. Le ndlela yokucinga yayibonakala ngathi iyavakala: Kwakusithiwa ukuba ukuncoma umntwana nokuba kukanye nje kuluncedo, kucacile ukuba ukusoloko umncoma kubhetele nangakumbi. Kwelinye icala, kwakusithiwa ukugxeka umntwana kuyamtyhafisa. Kwihlabathi elalifuna abantu bazithembe, kwakusithiwa umzali ongenalo nofifi lwendlela yokukhulisa abantwana umbona ngokubagxeka. Abazali babexelelwa ukuba abamele benze abantwana babo bazive bengoongantweni.

Ngenxa yoko, abazali abaninzi baqalisa ukutyibela abantwana babo ngezincomo, naxa abantwana bengenzanga nto ifuna ukunconywa. Umntwana wayeqhwatyelw’ izandla naxa enze eyona nto yakha yangabi namsebenzi; iimpazamo zakhe zazibethwa ngoyaba enoba zinkulu kangakanani. Abo bazali babekholelwa ukuba ukuze umntwana azithembe kufuneka bazibethe ngoyaba iimpazamo zakhe baze baqiniseke ukuba bancoma yonk’ enye into ayenzayo. Ukwenza abantwana bazive bebalulekile kwakuyeyona nto iphambili kunokubafundisa ukwenza izinto ezaziza kubenza banconywe.

Oko kufundiswa yiBhayibhile. IBhayibhile ithi umntu ufanele anconywe xa enze okuhle. (Mateyu 25:19-21) Kodwa ukuncoma abantwana kuba ufuna nje bazive bebalulekile kunokubenza bazicingele ngokugqithiseleyo. IBhayibhile iyihlab’ esikhonkosini le nto xa isithi: “Ukuba ubani ucinga ukuba unguthile xa engeyonto, ukhohlisa ingqondo yakhe.” (Galati 6:3) Ngenxa yoko, iBhayibhile ithi kubazali: “Sukuyekelela ukumqeqesha umntwana. Ukuba uyamohlwaya ngoswazi akayi kufa.” *IMizekeliso 23:13, IBhayibhile YesiXhosa Yowe-1996.

Oko unokukwenza. Zimisele ukumlungisa umntwana xa onile, uze umncome xa kuyimfuneko. Musa ukuncoma umntwana kuba nje ufuna azive ebalulekile. Isikhuni sisenokubuya nomkhwezeli xa usenza loo nto. Incwadi ethi Generation Me ithi: “Ukuze ukwazi ukuzithemba kufuneka ufunde ukuba nobuchule bokwenza nokufunda izinto, kungekhona ukuxelelwa ukuba ubalulekile  kodwa kube kungekho kwanto ukwazi ukuyenza.”

“Musani ukuzicingela ngaphezu koko umntu amelwe kukuzicingela ngako. Ndaweni yaloo nto yibani neengcinga ezithobekileyo.”—Roma 12:3, IBhayibhile YesiXhosa Yowe-1996

2 Ukubakhusela ngokugqithiseleyo

Ingxaki. Ulutsha oluninzi oluqalisa ukusebenza lubonakala ngathi alukakwazi ukumelana neengxaki zobomi. Olunye lugxekwa nje ngento encinane luze lukhubeke lube yinyama. Olunye luthanda ukuba izinto zenziwe ngendlela yalo yaye alwamkeli nantoni na engathandwa lulo. Ngokomzekelo, kwincwadi ethi Escaping the Endless Adolescence, uGqr. Joseph Allen ubalisa ngomnye umfana owayeze kufuna umsebenzi kuye. Eli tyendyana lathi kuye: “Xa ndiwujongile lo msebenzi, ingathi unayo nendawana ekruqulayo, ibe mna andidibani nento ekruqulayo.” UGqr. Allen uthi: “Le ntwana yayingaqondi ukuba yonke imisebenzi inendawana ekruqulayo. Bekutheni ide ibe neminyaka engamashumi amabini anesithathu ingekayazi loo nto?”

Unobangela. Kutshanje, abazali abaninzi baye bacinga ukuba kunyanzelekile babakhusele abantwana babo kuyo nantoni na enokubakhathaza. Ngaba intombi yakho itshone uviwo? Yiya kutitshala ubhabha uze umxelele ukuba ayipasise. Ngaba unyana wakho ufumene itikiti lokuqhuba kakubi? Mhlawulele. Ngaba waliwe yintombi? Gxeka loo ntombi.

Nangona abazali befanele babakhusele abantwana babo, ukubakhusela ngokugqithiseleyo kunokubenza bacinge ukuba bafanele batyhole abanye rhoqo besiba neengxaki. Incwadi ethi Positive Discipline for Teenagers ithi: “Kunokuba baziqhelise ukunyamezela intlungu yokuphoxeka baze bafunde kuyo, abantwana abanjalo badla ngokukhula becingela iziqu zabo kuphela yaye besithi ihlabathi kunye nabazali babo banyanzelekile ukuba babenzele nantoni na abayifunayo.”

Oko kufundiswa yiBhayibhile. Amahla-ndinyuka yinxalenye yobomi. Kangangokuba iBhayibhile ide ithi: “Izinto ezimbi zehlela bonke abantu!” (INtshumayeli 9:11, Easy-to-Read Version) Oku kuquka nabantu abalungileyo. Ngokomzekelo, umpostile uPawulos owayengumKristu wehlelwa zizinto ezibuhlungu xa wayeshumayela. Sekunjalo, ukunyamezela kwakhe ubunzima kwamnceda! Wabhala wathi: “Ndiye ndafunda ukwaneliseka, phantsi kwazo naziphi na iimeko. . . . Ndiye ndayifunda imfihlelo yokuba kunjani ukuhlutha nokulamba, neyokuba kunjani ukuba nentabalala nokuswela.”—Filipi 4:11, 12.

Oko unokukwenza. Sebenzisa lo mgaqo weBhayibhile, ngokobudala babantwana bakho: “Ngamnye uya kuthwala owakhe umthwalo.” (Galati 6:5) Ukuba unyana wakho ufumana itikiti lokuqhuba kakubi, kuya kuba kuhle ukumyeka alibhatale ngokwakhe, enoba ulibhatala ngale mali udla ngokumpha yona okanye ngomvuzo wakhe ukuba uyasebenza. Ukuba intombi yakho itshona uviwo, mayazi ukuba ifanele izimisele kwixa elizayo. Ukuba unyana wakho wahlukana nentombi, mthuthuzele—kodwa ke ngexesha elifanelekileyo mncede azibuze umbuzo onjengothi, ‘Akungebi mhlawumbi le nto indifundisa ukuba ndifanele ndiphucule  ubuntu bam?’ Abantwana abafunda ukucombulula iingxaki zabo bafunda ukunyamezela nokuzithemba, mpawu ezo bangayi kuba nazo ukuba kukho umntu osoloko ebakhusela.

“Ngamnye makangqine oko ukuko umsebenzi wakhe, uya kwandula ke abe nesizathu sokugcoba.”—Galati 6:4.

3 Ukubafekethisa

Ingxaki. Kuhlolisiso olwenziwa kulutsha, i-81 pesenti yalo yathi eyona nto ibalulekileyo ‘kukuba sisityebi’—isithi ubutyebi bubaluleke ngaphezu kokunceda abanye. Kodwa ukufuna ubutyebi akukwenzi wonwabe. Eneneni, uphando lubonisa ukuba abantu abafuna ukuba zizityebi ngabona bangonwabanga nabaxinezelekileyo. Kwakhona, badla ngokuthwaxwa kanobomi zizigulo zomzimba nezengqondo.

Unobangela. Abanye abantwana bakhulela kumakhaya athanda ubutyebi. Incwadi ethi The Narcissism Epidemic ithi: “Abazali bafuna bonwabe abantwana babo yaye abantwana bayazithanda izinto ezintle. Ngenxa yoko abazali babathengela izinto ezintle. Loo nto ibangela ukuba abantwana bonwabe okomzuzwana baze emva koko bafune ezinye.”

Kakade ke, abarhwebi baye basebenzisa lo mnqweno wabantu wokufuna izinto ezintsha, ukuze benze imali engakumbi. Iintengiso zikuxelela oku xa zibhengeza into ethile, ‘Ufanelwe kokona kubhetele’ nokuthi ‘Kuba ikufanele.’ Ulutsha oluninzi luye lwaqhatheka yaye ngoku luntyumpantyumpeka ematyaleni ibe alukwazi ukuhlawula ezi zinto beluxelelwe ukuba “zilufanele.”

Oko kufundiswa yiBhayibhile. IBhayibhile iyavuma ukuba imali iyafuneka. (INtshumayeli 7:12) Kwangaxeshanye, ilumkisa ngelithi, “ukuthanda imali yingcambu yazo zonke iintlobo zobubi.” Yalek’ umsundulo isithi: ‘Ngenxa yokusukelana nolo thando bambi baye . . . bazingxwelerha ngeentlungu ezininzi.’ (1 Timoti 6:10) IBhayibhile ithi asifanele sithi phithi bubutyebi, kodwa sifanele sanele zizinto ezifunekayo ukuze umntu aqhubeke ephila.—1 Timoti 6:7, 8.

“Abo bazimisele ukuba zizityebi beyela ekuhendweni nasemgibeni, nakwiminqweno emininzi engekho ngqiqweni neyenzakalisayo.”—1 Timoti 6:9

Oko unokukwenza. Mzali, nawe khawuhlole isimo sakho sengqondo ngemali nezinto okwazi ukuzithenga ngayo. Zazi izinto ezibalulekileyo uze uncede abantwana bakho benze okufanayo. Incwadi ethi The Narcissism Epidemic ithi: “Abazali bafanele bancokole kunye nabantwana babo ngezinto ezifana nokuthi, ‘Sifanele sizithenge xa kutheni izinto ezinamaxabiso athotyiweyo? Kunini apho singafanele sizithenge?’ ‘Yintoni inzala yemali-mboleko?’ ‘Yiyiphi into owakha wayithenga kuba nje kusitsho omnye umntu?’”

Kulumkeleni ukuthi xa kuye kwavela ingxaki ethile entsatsheni, nisuke nixolisane ngokuthengelana izinto ezintle kunokuba nilungise ingxaki le. Incwadi ethi The Price of Privilege ithi: “Ukusebenzisa izinto eziphathekayo ukuze ucombulule iingxaki akuncedi nganto. Ukuze kulungiswe iingxaki, kufuneka nicingisise ngazo, nibe nobulumko novelwano, ningasuki nje nivule izipaji ze nithenge izinto ezintle.”

^ isiqe. 11 IBhayibhile ayifundisi abantu ukuxhaphaza abantwana babo emzimbeni nangamazwi. (Efese 4:29, 31; 6:4) Injongo yokuqeqesha kukufundisa kungekhona ukunika umzali ithuba lokukhuphela umsindo wakhe emntwaneni.

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