Soma ibirimo

Jya kuri meni ya kabiri

Reba urutonde rw'ibirimo

Abahamya ba Yehova

Ikinyarwanda

Umunara w’Umurinzi  |  Nyakanga 2013

 ICYO WAKORA KUGIRA NGO UGIRE IBYISHIMO MU MURYANGO

Uko wagira urugo rwiza mu gihe wongeye gushaka

Uko wagira urugo rwiza mu gihe wongeye gushaka

HERMAN: * “Umugore wanjye wa mbere yishwe na kanseri tumaranye imyaka 34. Maze gushaka uwa kabiri witwa Linda, yumvaga ko mpora mugereranya n’uwa mbere. Ibintu byarushagaho kuzamba iyo incuti zanjye zavugaga iby’imico myiza y’umugore wa mbere, maze Linda akarushaho kurakara.”

LINDA: “Maze gushakana na Herman, numvaga ko we n’incuti ze batazigera bampa agaciro nk’ak’umugore we wa mbere. Baramukundaga cyane, bagakunda kuvuga ibye kandi bavugaga ko yari afite imico myiza. Hari igihe nibaza niba nzagera ubwo nkundana n’umugabo wanjye, nk’uko yakundanaga n’umugore we wa mbere.”

Linda yatandukanye n’umugabo we wa mbere ashakana na Herman, kandi bombi bishimira kuba barashakanye. Ariko kandi, na bo ubwabo biyemerera ko kongera gushaka bishobora gutuma abantu bahura n’ibibazo batigeze bahura na byo igihe bashakaga bwa mbere. *

Niba warongeye gushaka, ubanye ute n’uwo mwashakanye? Umugore witwa Tamara, washatse amaze imyaka itatu atanye n’umugabo we, yaravuze ati “iyo ushatse bwa mbere, uba utekereza ko uzabana akaramata n’uwo mwashakanye. Ariko iyo wongeye gushaka, ntuba ukibitekereza utyo, bitewe n’uko uba uzi ko n’uwa mbere mwatanye.”

Nubwo bimeze bityo ariko, hari abashakanye benshi bagiye bagira urugo rwiza igihe babaga bongeye gushaka. Babanye neza kandi namwe mushobora kubigeraho. Mwabigeraho mute? Reka turebe ibibazo bitatu abantu bongeye gushaka bakunze guhura na byo,  turebe n’amahame yo muri Bibiliya yabafasha kubikemura. *

IKIBAZO CYA 1: KUGERERANYA UWO MURI KUMWE N’UWA MBERE.

Ellen uba muri Afurika y’Epfo, yaravuze ati “sinshobora kwibagirwa burundu umugabo wanjye wa mbere, cyane cyane iyo ngeze ahantu twakundaga kujyana mu biruhuko. Hari igihe nshiduka umugabo turi kumwe namugereranyije n’umugabo wanjye wa mbere.” Ku rundi ruhande, iyo uwo muri kumwe na we yari yarashatse, ushobora kurakazwa n’uko ahora avuga iby’uwo bari barashakanye mbere.

Mujye mushaka ibizajya bibashimisha mu muryango wanyu mushya

INAMA: Mwagombye kubanza kwemera ko mudashobora guhita mwibagirwa abo mwari mwarashakanye na bo, cyane cyane iyo mwari mumaranye imyaka myinshi. N’ikimenyimenyi, hari igihe umuntu agira atya agahamagara uwo babana mu izina ry’uwo bari barashakanye. Wakora iki ibintu nk’ibyo bikubayeho? Bibiliya itanga inama igira iti “buri wese ajye agerageza kumva mugenzi we.”—1 Petero 3:8, New Century Version.

Ntukagire ishyari ngo wumve ko uwo muri kumwe ubu adakwiriye na rimwe guhingutsa izina ry’uwo bari barashakanye. Niba uwo mwashakanye akeneye kugira icyo avuga ku mibanire ye n’uwo bari barashakanye, jya umutega amatwi ubigiranye impuhwe kandi wishyire mu mwanya we. Nanone kandi, ntukihutire kumva ko arimo akugereranya n’uwa mbere. Umugabo witwa Ian yaravuze ati “umugore wanjye Kaitlyn ntiyigeze yumva ko kugira icyo mvuga ku mibanire yanjye n’umugore wa mbere ari ikizira. Ahubwo byamuhaye uburyo bwo kumenya neza.” Biranashoboka ko ibiganiro nk’ibyo byagufasha kurushaho kugirana imishyikirano myiza n’uwo muri kumwe ubu.

Jya wibanda ku mico yihariye kandi myiza y’uwo muri kumwe ubu. Yego wenda hari imico adafite, cyangwa hari ibyo adashoboye umugereranyije n’uwa mbere. Ariko kandi, na we hari ibyo arusha uwa mbere. Bityo rero, ukwiriye gushimangira ubumwe ufitanye n’uwo muri kumwe ubu, ‘utamugereranyije n’undi muntu,’ ahubwo ugatekereza ku byo umukundira (Abagalatiya 6:4). Umugabo witwa Edmond wongeye gushaka, yaravuze ati “abo mwashakanye ntibashobora kumera kimwe, nk’uko udashobora kugira incuti ebyiri zimeze kimwe.”

Wakora iki kugira ngo ubane neza n’uwo mwashakanye ubu, ariko utibagiwe ibyiza waboneye mu ishyingiranwa rya mbere? Jared yaravuze ati “nigeze gusobanurira umugore wanjye ko umuryango wanjye wa mbere ari nk’igitabo cyiza cyane nandikanye n’umugore wa mbere. Igihe icyo ari cyo cyose nshobora kurambura icyo gitabo, nkibuka ibihe byiza twagiranye. Ariko simba muri icyo gitabo. Ahubwo jye n’umugore wanjye turimo turandika igitabo cyacu; ni cyo ndimo kandi ndishimye.”

GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya ubaza uwo mwashakanye niba ajya ababazwa n’uko uvuga ibirebana n’uwo washatse mbere. Mushakishe igihe mwajya mwirinda kuvuga ibirebana n’uwo mwashakanye mbere.

IKIBAZO CYA 2: GUSHYIKIRANA N’ABO MWARI MUSANZWE MUFITANYE UBUCUTI, CYANGWA ABARI BABUFITANYE N’UWO MURI KUMWE.

Javier washatse undi mugore amaze imyaka itandatu atanye n’uwa mbere, yaravuze ati “maze kongera gushaka, umugore wanjye yumvaga ko incuti zanjye zihora zimugenzura.” Umugabo witwa Leo we yahuye n’ikibazo gitandukanye n’icyo. Yagize ati “hari abantu bajyaga babwira umugore wanjye ko bakundaga cyane umugabo we wa mbere, ko bajya bamukumbura kandi ibyo bakabivuga numva!”

INAMA: Gerageza kwishyira mu mwanya w’incuti zawe. Ian twigeze kuvuga, yagize ati “ntekereza ko incuti za kera zibabazwa kandi zikabangamirwa no kugirana ubucuti n’umuntu batari basanzwe baziranye.” Ku bw’ibyo, jya ‘ushyira mu gaciro kandi ugaragaze ubugwaneza bwose ku bantu bose’ (Tito 3:2). Jya wihanganira incuti na bene wanyu, ubahe igihe cyo kumenyerana namwe. Iyo wongeye gushaka, ubucuti wari ufitanye n’abantu na bwo bushobora guhinduka. Javier twigeze kuvuga, yavuze ko uko iminsi yagendaga ihita, we n’umugore we bagiye bahembera ubucuti bari bafitanye n’incuti zabo za mbere. Yunzemo ati “ariko kandi, twagendaga tunashakisha incuti nshya, kandi na zo zatugiriye akamaro.”

 Mu gihe uri kumwe n’incuti zawe za kera, ujye uzirikana uko uwo mwashakanye yiyumva. Urugero, mu gihe murimo muganira mugatangira kuvuga ibirebana n’uwo mwari mwarashakanye mbere, ujye ugira amakenga n’ubushishozi mu byo uvuga, kugira ngo utabangamira uwo mwashakanye. Hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “iyo umuntu avuze amagambo atatekerejeho, ayo magambo ashobora gukomeretsa nk’inkota. Ariko umunyabwenge agira amakenga mu byo avuga, kandi amagambo ye ashobora gukiza abababaye.”—Imigani 12:18.—Holy Bible—Easy-to-Read Version.

GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya utahura ibihe bishobora kukubangamira cyangwa bikabangamira uwo mwashakanye. Mujye muganira mbere y’igihe uko muri bubyitwaremo mu gihe incuti zanyu zigize icyo zibaza ku birebana n’uwo mwari mwarashakanye mbere, cyangwa zikagira icyo zimuvugaho.

IKIBAZO CYA 3: IYO UWA MBERE YAGUHEMUKIYE, KWIZERA UWO MURI KUMWE BIRAKUGORA.

Andrew wahemukiwe n’umugore we wa mbere akaza gushaka undi witwa Riley, yaravuze ati “natinyaga ko undi mugore nzashaka na we yazampemukira. Nakundaga kwibaza niba nari kuzaba umugabo mwiza nkamera nk’umugabo wa mbere wa Riley. Hari n’igihe nahangayikishwaga n’uko azumva ko ntari umugabo nyawe, maze akanta akajya kwishakira undi.”

GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya uganira n’uwo mwashakanye umubwire ibiguhangayikishije byose. Bibiliya igira iti “iyo hatabayeho kujya inama imigambi iburizwamo” (Imigani 15:22). Kujya inama ni byo byafashije Andrew na Riley kwizerana. Andrew yaravuze ati “nabwiye Riley ko gutana atari byo bikemura ibibazo, na we anyizeza ko ari uko abibona. Amaherezo naje kumwizera byimazeyo.”

Niba uwo mwashakanye yarahemukiwe n’uwo bari barashakanye, kora uko ushoboye kugira ngo akugirire icyizere. Urugero, Michel na Sabine bashakanye bamaze gutana n’abo bashakanye bwa mbere, bumvikanye ko mu gihe buri wese avuganye n’uwo bari barashakanye, azajya abimenyesha mugenzi we. Sabine yaravuze ati “ibyo byatumye dutuza kandi twumva dufite umutekano.”—Abefeso 4:25.

GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Mujye mwishyiriraho imipaka mu birebana no gushyikirana n’uwo mudahuje igitsina, mwaba muganira amaso ku yandi, muvugana kuri telefoni cyangwa kuri interineti.

Hari abantu benshi bongeye gushaka, kandi ubu bafite urugo rwiza; nawe wabigeraho. N’ubundi kandi, ugereranyije n’igihe washakaga bwa mbere, ubu ni bwo wiyizi neza. Andrew twigeze kuvuga, yaravuze ati “kuva nashakana na Riley numvise nduhutse kandi merewe neza. Nyuma y’imyaka 13 tumaranye, ubu turakundana cyane kandi twifuza gukomera ku rukundo rwacu.”

^ par. 3 Amazina amwe n’amwe yarahinduwe.

^ par. 5 Birumvikana ko umuntu wongeye gushaka bitewe no gupfusha uwo bashakanye, aba atandukanye n’uwongeye gushaka bitewe no gutana n’uwo bari barashakanye. Iyi ngingo igamije gufasha umuntu wahuye na kimwe muri ibyo byombi, kugira ibyishimo mu gihe yaba yongeye gushaka.

^ par. 7 Niba wifuza kumenya ingorane imiryango irimo abana badahuje ababyeyi ihura na zo, reba ingingo z’uruhererekane zifite umutwe uvuga ngo “Uko imiryango ifite abana badahuje ababyeyi yabana neza,” yasohotse muri Nimukanguke! yo muri Mata 2012, yanditswe n’Abahamya ba Yehova.

IBAZE UTI . . .

  • Ni iyihe mico yihariye nshimira uwo twashakanye?

  • Mu gihe dutangiye kuvuga iby’uwo twari twarashakanye mbere, nakora iki ngo ntabangamira uwo turi kumwe ubu, kandi mwizeze ko mukunda?

IBINDI WAMENYA

UMURYANGO WAWE USHOBORA KUGIRA IBYISHIMO

Mwirinde guhemukirana

Ese kugaragaza ubudahemuka mu ishyingiranwa birenze kwirinda guca inyuma uwo mwashakanye?