“Umuntu wese ajye yihutira kumva ariko atinde kuvuga, kandi atinde kurakara.”​—YAK 1:19.

1, 2. Muri rusange ni ibihe byiyumvo biba hagati y’ababyeyi n’abana, ariko se rimwe na rimwe bahura n’ikihe kibazo?

“URAMUTSE umenye ko ababyeyi bawe bazapfa ejo, ni ikihe kintu cy’ingenzi wakwifuza kubabwira uyu munsi?” Icyo ni ikibazo cyabajijwe abana babarirwa mu magana bo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika. Abagera kuri 95 ku ijana bavuze ko babwira ababyeyi babo bati “mumbabarire,” kandi bakababwira bati “ndabakunda cyane,” aho kwibanda ku bibazo n’amakimbirane bari bafitanye.—Igitabo For Parents Only, cyanditswe na Shaunti Feldhahn na Lisa Rice.

2 Muri rusange, abana bakunda ababyeyi babo n’ababyeyi bagakunda abana babo. Ibyo ni ko biri cyane cyane mu miryango y’Abakristo. Nubwo ababyeyi n’abana baba bifuza cyane kugirana imishyikirano ya bugufi, rimwe na rimwe gushyikirana birabagora. None se, kuki hari ingingo batigera baganiraho, nubwo baba basanzwe baganira nta cyo bakingana? Zimwe mu nzitizi zituma badashyikirana neza ni izihe? Bazinesha bate?

Ntimugatume imyidagaduro no kwitarura abandi bibabuza gushyikirana mu muryango

‘MWICUNGURIRE’ IGIHE CYO GUSHYIKIRANA

3. (a) Kuki gushyikirana neza ari ikibazo cy’ingorabahizi ku miryango myinshi muri iki gihe? (b) Kuki ababyeyi n’abana bo muri Isirayeli ya kera bataburaga igihe cyo gushyikirana?

3 Imiryango myinshi ibona ko kubona igihe gihagije cyo gushyikirana neza ari ikibazo cy’ingorabahizi. Ariko uko si ko byahoze. Mose yabwiye abagabo b’Abisirayeli ati ‘ujye ucengeza [amagambo y’Imana] mu bana bawe kandi ujye uyababwira igihe mwicaye mu nzu, igihe mugenda mu nzira, igihe muryamye n’igihe mubyutse’ (Guteg 6:6, 7). Abana biriranwaga na nyina mu rugo cyangwa bakiriranwa na se mu mirima, cyangwa ahandi yabaga akorera. Abana n’ababyeyi bamaranaga igihe gihagije kandi bagashyikirana. Ibyo byatumaga ababyeyi bamenya ibyo abana babo babaga bakeneye, ibyifuzo byabo na kamere yabo. Abana na bo  bashoboraga kumenya neza ababyeyi babo.

4. Kuki gushyikirana ari ikibazo cy’ingorabahizi mu miryango myinshi muri iki gihe?

4 Ubuzima bwo muri iki gihe butandukanye cyane n’ubw’icyo gihe. Mu bihugu bimwe na bimwe, abana batangira amashuri y’incuke bakiri bato, rimwe na rimwe bafite imyaka ibiri gusa. Ababyeyi benshi bakorera akazi kure yo mu rugo. Mu gihe gito ababyeyi bamarana n’abana babo, orudinateri, televiziyo n’ibindi bikoresho bya elegitoroniki bibangamira imishyikirano bagirana, cyangwa bigatuma badashyikirana rwose. Incuro nyinshi, abana n’ababyeyi barabana ariko ntibagire aho bahurira; mu by’ukuri, ntibaba baziranye. Urebye ntibigera bashyikirana.

5, 6. Ababyeyi bamwe ‘bacungura’ bate igihe bamarana n’abana babo?

5 Ese ushobora ‘gucungura’ igihe wakoreshaga mu bindi bintu kugira ngo ukimarane n’umuryango wawe? (Soma mu Befeso 5:15, 16.) Hari imiryango ihitamo kugabanya igihe yamaraga ireba televiziyo cyangwa ikoresha orudinateri. Indi yo ishyiraho imihati kugira ngo isangire ibyokurya nibura incuro imwe ku munsi. Gahunda y’iby’umwuka mu muryango ni igihe cyiza ababyeyi n’abana baba babonye cyo kugirana imishyikirano ya bugufi, kandi bakaganira ku bintu by’umwuka batuje. Kugenera iyo gahunda igihe kigera nko ku isaha buri cyumweru ni uburyo bwiza bwo gutangira gushyikirana, ariko hari ibindi bisabwa kugira ngo abagize umuryango bashyikirane mu buryo bwimbitse. Ku bw’ibyo, ni ngombwa ko bashyikirana buri gihe kandi kenshi. Mbere y’uko umwana wanyu ajya ku ishuri, mujye mumubwira ikintu giteye inkunga, musuzumire hamwe isomo ry’umunsi, cyangwa musengere hamwe. Ibyo bishobora kumufasha umunsi wose.

6 Hari ababyeyi bagize ibyo bahindura mu mibereho yabo kugira ngo bamarane igihe n’abana babo. Urugero, Laura * ufite abana babiri yaretse akazi k’igihe cyose yakoraga kugira ngo ajye amarana igihe n’abana be. Yagize ati “mu gitondo, twese  twavaga mu rugo twihuta, bamwe bagiye ku kazi abandi ku ishuri. Iyo nagarukaga mu rugo nimugoroba, abana banjye babaga basinziriye, umukozi ari we wabaryamishije. Kuba nararetse akazi byatumye amafaranga agabanuka, ariko ubu menya ibyo abana banjye batekereza n’ibibazo bafite. Numva ibyo bavuga mu masengesho yabo kandi nshobora kubayobora, kubatera inkunga no kubigisha.”

MUJYE ‘MWIHUTIRA KUMVA’

7. Ni iki ababyeyi n’abana bakunda kwitotombera?

7 Abanditsi ba cya gitabo twigeze kuvuga bamaze kugira ibyo babaza abakiri bato benshi, hari ikindi kintu bavumbuye gituma ababyeyi n’abana badashyikirana neza. Bagira bati “ikintu cya mbere abana benshi bitotombera, ni uko ababyeyi babo batabatega amatwi.” Abana si bo bonyine bafite icyo kibazo. Ababyeyi na bo bakunda kwitotombera ko abana babo batabatega amatwi. Kugira ngo abagize umuryango bakomeze gushyikirana neza, bagomba kumenya gutega amatwi.—Soma muri Yakobo 1:19.

8. Ni mu buhe buryo ababyeyi batega abana babo amatwi by’ukuri?

8 Babyeyi, ese koko mutega amatwi abana banyu? Ibyo bishobora kugorana igihe munaniwe cyangwa igihe bababwira ibintu bisa n’aho bidafashije. Ariko ibyo wowe ubona ko bidafashije, umwana wawe we ashobora kubona ko bifite agaciro. Kuba umuntu ‘wihutira kumva’ bisobanura ko utagomba gusa gutega amatwi ibyo umwana wawe akubwira, ahubwo ko ugomba no kwita ku buryo abivugamo. Uko avuga, ibimenyetso akora no mu maso he, bishobora gutuma umenya uko yiyumva. Uba ugomba no kumubaza ibibazo. Bibiliya igira iti “ibitekerezo byo mu mutima w’umuntu ni nk’amazi maremare, ariko umuntu ufite ubushishozi azabimuvomamo” (Imig 20:5). Ugomba kugira ubwenge n’ubushishozi cyane cyane mu gihe uganira n’umwana wawe ku bintu yumva bimuteye ipfunwe.

9. Kuki abana bagombye gutega amatwi ababyeyi babo?

9 Bana, ese mwumvira ababyeyi banyu? Ijambo ry’Imana rigira riti “mwana wanjye, jya utega amatwi impanuro za so kandi ntukareke icyo nyoko agutegeka” (Imig 1:8). Mujye mwibuka ko ababyeyi banyu babakunda kandi ko babifuriza ibyiza; ku bw’ibyo, ni byiza ko mubatega amatwi kandi mukabumvira (Efe 6:1). Iyo mushyikirana neza n’ababyeyi banyu kandi mukaba muzi ko babakunda, kubumvira biroroha. Mujye mubwira ababyeyi banyu uko mubona ibintu. Ibyo bizatuma barushaho kubumva. Birumvikana ko namwe mwagombye kugerageza kumva ababyeyi banyu.

10. Ni irihe somo tuvana ku nkuru ya Bibiliya ivuga ibya Rehobowamu?

10 Mugomba kuba maso mu gihe abakiri bato bo mu kigero cyanyu babagiriye inama. Bashobora kubabwira ibyo mwifuza kumva, ariko inama zabo zishobora kutagira icyo zibamarira rwose. Mu by’ukuri, zishobora no kubateza akaga. Kubera ko abakiri bato baba bataraba inararibonye kandi badafite ubwenge nk’ubw’abantu bakuru, abenshi muri bo bashobora kutareba kure ngo batahure ingaruka z’ibikorwa bimwe na bimwe. Mwibuke ibyabaye kuri Rehobowamu, umuhungu w’Umwami Salomo. Igihe yabaga umwami wa Isirayeli, aba yaragize icyo ageraho iyo akurikiza inama yahawe n’abakuru. Yakurikije inama y’ubupfapfa yahawe n’abakiri bato babyirukanye. Ibyo byatumye abenshi mu baturage be batamuyoboka (1 Abami 12:1-17). Aho kwigana imyifatire itarangwa n’ubwenge ya Rehobowamu, mujye mwihatira gukomeza gushyikirana neza n’ababyeyi banyu. Mujye mubabwira ibyo mutekereza. Mujye mureka babagire inama kandi babungure ubwenge.—Imig 13:20.

11. Byagenda bite ababyeyi babaye ari abantu batishyikirwaho?

 11 Babyeyi, niba mudashaka ko abana banyu bashakira inama ku rungano rwabo, mujye muba abantu bishyikirwaho. Hari mushiki wacu w’umwangavu wagize ati “mfa kuvuga izina ry’umuhungu gusa ababyeyi banjye bagahita barakara. Ibyo birandakaza maze ngahita nceceka.” Undi mushiki wacu ukiri muto yaranditse ati “abakiri bato benshi baba bashaka ko ababyeyi babo babagira inama, ariko iyo batabitayeho, bashakira inama ku bandi biteguye kuyibagira, ndetse bashobora no kuba atari inararibonye.” Niba mwiteguye gutega amatwi ibintu ibyo ari byo byose abana banyu bababwira, mushobora kuzibonera ko bazajya bababwira ibyo batekereza kandi bakemera inama mubaha.

MUJYE ‘MUTINDA KUVUGA’

12. Ni mu buhe buryo imyitwarire y’ababyeyi ishobora gutuma badashyikirana neza n’abana babo?

12 Ikindi kintu kijya gituma ababyeyi n’abana badashyikirana neza, ni uko iyo abana bagize icyo bavuga, ababyeyi bahita barakara kandi bakabuka inabi. Birumvikana ko ababyeyi b’Abakristo baba bifuza kurinda abana babo. Iyi “minsi y’imperuka” yuzuyemo ibintu bishobora guteza akaga, haba mu buryo bw’umwuka cyangwa mu bundi buryo (2 Tim 3:1-5). Ariko kandi, abana bashobora kubona ko ababyeyi babo bakabya kubarinda.

13. Kuki ababyeyi batagombye kwihutira kuvuga uko babona ibintu?

13 Byaba byiza ababyeyi batihutiye kuvuga uko babona ibintu. Mu by’ukuri, iyo abana bawe bakubwiye ikintu kidashimishije, guceceka bishobora kutakorohera. Ariko kandi, ni ngombwa kubatega amatwi witonze mbere yo kubasubiza. Umwami w’umunyabwenge Salomo yaranditse ati “usubiza atarumva neza ikibazo aba agaragaje ubupfapfa, kandi bimukoza isoni” (Imig 18:13). Nukomeza gutuza, uzumva byinshi kurushaho kandi abana bawe bazakomeza bavuge. Uba ugomba kubanza kumenya uko ibintu bimeze kugira ngo ushobore kubafasha. Umwana ashobora ‘kuvuga amagambo aterekeranye’ bitewe n’uko afite ikibazo kimuhangayikishije (Yobu 6:1-3). Kubera ko muri ababyeyi barangwa n’urukundo, mujye mukoresha amatwi yanyu kugira ngo musobanukirwe, mukoreshe n’ururimi rwanyu kugira ngo mukize.

14. Kuki abana batagombye kwihutira kuvuga?

14 Bana, namwe mujye ‘mutinda kuvuga,’ ntimuhite mwanga ibyo ababyeyi banyu bababwiye, kuko Imana yabahaye inshingano yo kubarera (Imig 22:6). Bashobora kuba barahuye n’ibintu bisa n’ibyo muhura na byo. Byongeye kandi, bicuza amakosa bakoze bakiri bato, kandi bifuza cyane kubarinda kugira ngo namwe mutayakora. Ku bw’ibyo, mujye mubona ababyeyi banyu nk’incuti aho kubabona nk’abanzi, kandi mubabone nk’abajyanama aho kubabona nk’abantu muhanganye. (Soma mu Migani 1:5.) Mujye ‘mwubaha so na nyoko,’ kandi mubereke ko mubakunda nk’uko babakunda. Ibyo bizatuma ‘kubarera babahana nk’uko Yehova ashaka, no kubatoza kugira imitekerereze nk’iye’ biborohera.—Efe 6:2, 4.

MUJYE ‘MUTINDA KURAKARA’

15. Ni iki kizadufasha gukomeza kwihangana ntiturakarire abagize umuryango wacu?

15 Buri gihe si ko twihanganira abagize umuryango wacu. Intumwa Pawulo yandikiye “abera n’abavandimwe bizerwa bunze ubumwe na Kristo bari i Kolosayi” agira ati “namwe bagabo, mukomeze gukunda abagore banyu kandi ntimubasharirire. Namwe ba se, ntimukarakaze abana banyu kugira ngo batazinukwa” (Kolo 1:1, 2; 3:19, 21). Pawulo yagiriye inama Abefeso ati “gusharira kose n’uburakari n’umujinya no gukankama no gutukana bive muri mwe rwose” (Efe 4:31). Kwitoza kugaragaza umuco wo kwihangana, uwo  kwitonda n’uwo kumenya kwifata, akaba ari imbuto z’umwuka w’Imana, bizadufasha gukomeza gutuza no mu gihe duhanganye n’ibibazo.—Gal 5:22, 23.

16. Yesu yakosoye ate abigishwa be, kandi se kuki byari bitangaje?

16 Reka dufate urugero rwa Yesu. Tekereza ukuntu yari ahangayitse cyane igihe yasangiraga n’intumwa ze ifunguro rya nyuma rya nimugoroba. Yesu yari azi ko mu masaha yari kuza yari kwicwa abanje kubabazwa cyane. Yagombaga gukomeza kuba uwizerwa kugira ngo izina rya Se ryezwe kandi abantu bazabone agakiza. Ariko kandi, igihe bafataga iryo funguro ‘havutse impaka zikomeye hagati [y’intumwa ze], zishaka kumenya uwasaga naho akomeye kuruta abandi muri zo.’ Yesu ntiyigeze abakankamira cyangwa ngo abarakarire. Ahubwo yabafashije gutekereza atuje. Yabibukije ko bari baromatanye na we mu bihe bigoye. Nubwo Satani yari yabasabye ngo abagosore nk’uko bagosora ingano, Yesu yagaragaje ko yari afite icyizere cy’uko bari gukomeza kuba abizerwa, ndetse agirana na bo isezerano.—Luka 22:24-32.

Ese utega abana bawe amatwi witonze?

17. Ni iki kizafasha abana kuba abantu batuje?

17 Abana na bo bagomba kuba abantu batuje. Cyane cyane iyo bageze mu gihe cy’amabyiruka, bashobora gutekereza ko kuba ababyeyi babo babaha ubuyobozi biba bigaragaza ko batabiringira. Nubwo rimwe na rimwe mwabibona mutyo, mujye mumenya ko kuba ababyeyi banyu babahangayikira ari ikimenyetso cy’uko babakunda. Kubatega amatwi mutuje no gufatanya na bo bizatuma babubaha, kandi babone ko mushoboye. Iyo myifatire ishobora gutuma babaha umudendezo wo gukora ibintu bimwe na bimwe. Kumenya kwifata bigaragaza ubwenge. Hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya ugira uti “umupfapfa aratomboka agasuka ibiri mu mutima we byose, ariko umunyabwenge akomeza gutuza.”—Imig 29:11.

18. Kuki urukundo rutuma abantu bashyikirana neza?

18 Babyeyi namwe bana dukunda, ntimugacike intege niba mu muryango wanyu mudashyikirana neza nk’uko mubyifuza. Mukomeze gushyiraho imihati kandi mukomeze kugendera mu kuri (3 Yoh 4). Mu isi nshya, abantu batunganye bazashobora gushyikirana neza, nta gufata ibintu uko bitari, nta no kugirana amakimbirane. Ariko kandi, muri iki gihe twese tujya dukora ibintu, hanyuma tukicuza icyatumye tubikora. Ku bw’ibyo, mujye mwihutira gusabana imbabazi. Mujye mubabarirana mubikuye ku mutima. Mujye ‘muteranyirizwa hamwe mu rukundo’ (Kolo 2:2). Urukundo rugira imbaraga. ‘Urukundo rurihangana kandi rukagira neza. Ntirwivumbura. Ntirubika inzika y’inabi rwagiriwe. Rutwikira byose, rwizera byose, rwiringira byose, rwihanganira byose’ (1 Kor 13:4-7). Nimukomeza kugira urukundo, muzarushaho gushyikirana neza, bitume umuryango wanyu ugira ibyishimo, kandi biheshe Yehova ikuzo.

^ par. 6 Izina ryarahinduwe.