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 INAMA ZIGENEWE UMURYANGO | ABASHAKANYE

Kuva ku izima

Kuva ku izima

AHO IKIBAZO KIRI

Wowe n’uwo mwashakanye hari icyo mwifuza gukora, ariko mufite ibitekerezo bitandukanye. Mu by’ukuri, icyo gihe hari nibura ibintu bitatu mushobora gukora:

  1. Ushobora gutsimbarara ku cyifuzo cyawe, kugeza igihe ibyo ushaka bikorewe.

  2. Ushobora gupfa kwemera ibyo uwo mwashakanye yifuza.

  3. Mwembi mushobora kuva ku izima.

Ariko ushobora kwibwira uti “ibyo kuva ku izima jye simbikozwa. Mbona nta n’umwe muri twe uzabona icyo yifuza.”

Izere ko kuva ku izima bitazatuma byanze bikunze mwembi mubura ibyishimo, cyane cyane mu gihe ubikoze mu buryo bukwiriye. Icyakora mbere yo gusuzuma uko wava ku izima, hari icyo wagombye kumenya ku birebana n’uwo muco w’ingenzi cyane.

ICYO WAGOMBYE KUMENYA

Kuva ku izima bisaba gukorera hamwe. Mbere yo gushaka, ushobora kuba wari umenyereye gufata imyanzuro nta we ugishije inama. Ariko ubu byarahindutse, kuko wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mugomba gushyira imbere urugo rwanyu kuruta amahitamo yanyu bwite. Aho kumva ko ibyo bigamije kukubangamira, jya wumva ko bigufitiye akamaro. Umugore witwa Alexandra yaravuze ati “iyo ibitekerezo by’abantu babiri bihurijwe hamwe, bishobora gukemura ikibazo neza kurusha igitekerezo cy’umuntu umwe.”

Kuva ku izima bisaba kubona ibintu mu buryo bwagutse. Umujyanama mu by’ishyingiranwa witwa John M. Gottman, yaranditse ati “si ngombwa ko wemera ibyo uwo mwashakanye avuze byose cyangwa ngo ubyizere. Icyakora wagombye gusuzuma ubivanye ku mutima uko abona ibintu. Ariko niba uwo mwashakanye atangiye kukubwira ikibazo afite, maze ukagereka akaguru ku kandi ubundi ukazunguza umutwe umwereka ko utemera ibyo avuga, icyo kiganiro nta cyo cyageraho.” *

Kuva ku izima bisaba kwigomwa. Nta n’umwe muri twe wishimira kubana n’umuntu umuhatira gukurikiza ibyo avuze, wa wundi wumva ko ibitekerezo bye ari byo bizima. Biba byiza kurushaho iyo buri wese mu bashakanye agaragaje umuco wo kwigomwa. Umugore witwa June yaravuze ati “hari igihe mva ku izima nkemerera umugabo wanjye ibyo yifuza kugira ngo mushimishe, ariko na we hari igihe abinkorera. Ibyo ni byo byagombye kuranga abashakanye. Buri wese yagombye gutanga ariko akanahabwa, aho guhora yiteze guhabwa gusa.”

 ICYO WAKORA

Jya utangira neza. Akenshi ijwi ikiganiro gitangiranye ni na ryo kirangirana. Nutangira ubwira uwo mwashakanye amagambo akakaye, kugira ngo mugire icyo mwemeranyaho bizagorana. Ku bw’ibyo, ujye ukurikiza inama ya Bibiliya igira iti “mwambare impuhwe, kugwa neza, kwiyoroshya, kwitonda no kwihangana” (Abakolosayi 3:12). Iyo mico izabafasha kwirinda intonganya, ahubwo muganire kugira ngo mushakire hamwe umuti w’ikibazo.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Abakolosayi 4:6.

Mushake uko mwahuriza ku gitekerezo kimwe. Mu gihe mwembi mushakisha uwava ku izima bikarangira mutonganye, bishobora kuba biterwa n’uko mwibanda cyane ku byo mutumvikanaho. Aho kubigenza mutyo, mujye mwibanda ku byo mwumvikanaho. Dore ibitekerezo byabafasha gushaka uko mwahuriza ku gitekerezo kimwe:

Buri wese nafate urupapuro maze akore imbonerahamwe y’inkingi ebyiri. Mu nkingi ya mbere, andikamo ibintu bijyanye n’ikibazo mufite wumva ko bigomba gukorwa uko ubishaka. Mu ya kabiri, andikamo ibintu wakwihanganira bigakorwa ukundi. Hanyuma mwembi muganire ku byo mwanditse. Ushobora gusanga mu by’ukuri hari byinshi mwemeranyaho. Biramutse ari uko bimeze, kuva ku izima ntibyabagora cyane. Nubwo kandi haba hari ibyo mutemeranyaho, kuba mwasuzumye ibintu byose bifitanye isano n’icyo kibazo bishobora kubafasha kukibona mu buryo bwagutse kurushaho.

Muhane ibitekerezo. Hari ibibazo bishobora gukemuka bitagoranye. Icyakora nubwo umugabo n’umugore baba bafitanye ibibazo bikomeye, bashobora gukomeza urugo rwabo bahana ibitekerezo bishobora gutuma bagera ku mwanzuro buri wese atari kugeraho ari wenyine.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Umubwiriza 4:9.

Jya uhora witeguye guhindura uko ubona ibintu. Bibiliya igira iti “umuntu wese muri mwe abe ari ko akunda umugore we nk’uko yikunda; ku rundi ruhande umugore agomba kubaha cyane umugabo we” (Abefeso 5:33). Iyo buri wese mu bashakanye yumva ko akunzwe kandi ko yubashywe, kwita ku bitekerezo bya mugenzi we biramworohera, kandi aba yiteguye guhindura uko abona ibintu. Umugabo witwa Cameron yaravuze ati “hari ibintu ubusanzwe uba wumva utifuza gukora, ariko amaherezo uwo mwashakanye akazatuma ubikunda.”—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Intangiriro 2:18.

^ par. 12 Byavuye mu gitabo The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.