Gushikira ivyo urondera

Hitamwo ururimi

Ja ku rutonde rw'ibirimwo rwa kabiri

Ja ku birimwo

Ivyabona vya Yehova

Ikirundi

UMUNARA W’INDERETSI 2010-02-01

 Ivyotuma mu rugo haba agahimbare

Kwumvikana na sobukwe be na nyokobukwe

Kwumvikana na sobukwe be na nyokobukwe

Jenny * avuga ati: Nyina wa Ryan ntiyatinya kunebagura. Ariko rero n’abavyeyi banje baranebagura Ryan. Nkako, sinari bwigere mbona uwundi muntu bafata nabi nka we! Ivyo kugendera abavyeyi banje canke aba Ryan vyahavuye bicika ingorane zidutesha umutwe twempi.

Ryan avuga ati: Mawe ntiyigera yiyumvira ko hari umuntu yokwitwararika abana biwe bimwe bihagije, akaba ari co gituma kuva mu ntango yaguma atora amahinyu Jenny. N’abavyeyi ba Jenny ni ko bamfata, bama banshira hasi. Ingorane ni uko igihe ibintu nk’ivyo vyaba bimaze gushika, umwe wese hagati ya jewe na Jenny yaca avugira abavyeyi biwe tugaca dutangura gutorana amahinyu.

IBIJANYE no kutumvikana na sobukwe be na nyokobukwe vyoshobora gushirwa mu bikino bitwenza, ariko mu buzima bwa misi yose usanga atari ibintu bitwengeje na gato. Uwitwa Reena, uno akaba ari umukenyezi wo mu Buhindi, avuga ati: “Mabukwe yaramaze imyaka n’iyindi yisuka mu bijanye n’umubano wacu. Akenshi naca nta ishavu ku munega wanje kubera yuko ntashobora kwubahuka nyina wiwe. Vyasa n’uko umunega wanje yama ategerezwa guhitamwo hagati yo kuba umunega mwiza canke kuba umuhungu mwiza.”

Ni kubera iki ba sebukwe na ba inabukwe bamwebamwe b’abantu bisuka mu buzima bw’abana babo bamaze kwubaka izabo? Jenny, umwe twavuga mu ntangamarara, aravuga ikintu kimwe gishobora kuba kibitera. Agira ati: “Vyoshobora kuba bibagora kubona umuntu akiri muto kandi atazi utuntu n’utundi ari we azezwa ibanga ryo kwitararika umuhungu wabo canke umukobwa wabo.” Uwitwa Dilip, uno akaba ari umunega wa Reena, arasigura n’iyindi mpamvu. Avuga ati: “Abavyeyi baba baragize ivyo bahevye bakongera bakarera umwana wabo boshobora kubona ko bakumiriwe. Boshobora kandi kurazwa ishinga mu buryo bwumvikana n’uko umuhungu wabo canke umukobwa wabo ata bukerebutsi aba afise bwo gutuma umubano uroranirwa.”

Tuvugishije ukuri, rimwe na rimwe usanga ba sebukwe na ba inabukwe boroherezwa kwisuka mu buzima bw’abana babo. Nk’akarorero, rimbura ibijanye na Michael be na Leanne, bano bakaba ari abubakanye bo muri Ositaraliya. Michael avuga ati: “Leanne akomoka mu muryango wunze ubumwe, aho umwe wese yavuga yisanzuye. Tumaze rero kwubakana, yarashobora kwitura se wiwe ku bijanye  n’ingingo wasanga jewe na we ari twebwe vy’ukuri twari dukwiye gufata. Se wiwe yari afise ivyiyumviro vyinshi biranga ubukerebutsi yoshobora guterera, ariko vyarambabaza kubona ari we yitura aho kwitura jewe!”

Biragaragara ko ukutumvikana na ba sobukwe na ba nyokobukwe bishobora guteza ingorane mu mubano. Vyoba ari ko bimeze ku bikwerekeye? Ufitaniye ubucuti bumeze gute n’abavyeyi b’uwo mwubakanye, kandi uwo mwubakanye afitaniye ubucuti bumeze gute n’abavyeyi bawe? Rimbura ingorane zibiri zishobora kuvyuka be n’ico wokora kugira ngo uzitorere umuti.

INGORANE YA 1:

Uwo mwubakanye asa n’uwukunda abavyeyi biwe bimwe birengeje urugero. Umunega umwe wo muri Esupanye yitwa Luis avuga ati: “Umukenyezi wanje yabona ko tutabaye hafi y’abavyeyi biwe yobaye abahemukiye.” Yongerako ati: “Ariko rero, igihe umuhungu wacu yavuka, abavyeyi banje baraza kutugendera hafi imisi yose, ivyo bikaba vyatuma umukenyezi wanje ashavura. Ivyo vyaratumye tugiranira ingorane zitari nke.”

Aho ingorane zihagaze:

Mu kuvuga ibijanye n’indinganizo y’umubano w’ababiranye, Bibiliya ivuga yuko hagera igihe “umuntu [aga]siga se na nyina, akabana n’umugore wiwe akaramata, bakaba umubiri umwe.” (Itanguriro 2:24) Kuba “umubiri umwe” birimwo n’ibindi uretse gusa kubana. Mu vy’ukuri, bisobanura yuko umugabo n’umugore baba bagize umuryango mushasha, uno ukaba ari wo uca uza imbere y’imiryango bakomokamwo. (1 Abakorinto 11:3) Ariko ntiwumve, umugabo n’umugore bompi baba bigikeneye kugaragariza icubahiro abavyeyi babo, kandi akenshi ivyo biba birimwo ukubitwararika. (Abanyefeso 6:2) Tuvuge iki none igihe uburyo uwo mwubakanye yitwararika iryo banga butuma wumva ko wibagiwe canke ufashwe minenerwe?

Ico ushobora gukora:

Nusuzume ukuntu ibintu vyifashe utagira aho uhengamiye. Ubwo vy’ukuri uwo mwubakanye yoba ari we akunda abavyeyi biwe bimwe birenze urugero, canke gusa ni wewe ushobora kuba udafitaniye ubucuti nk’ubwo n’abavyeyi bawe? Nimba ari ukwo vyifashe, ibijanye n’umuryango wakuriyemwo ni gute vyoshobora kuba biriko biragira ico bikoze ku kuntu ubona ico kibazo? Ubwo ntihoba hari ukuntu ufise agashari?Imigani 14:30; 1 Abakorinto 13:4; Abagalatiya 5:26.

Kugira ngo wishure ivyo bibazo, bisaba ko wisuzuma ata buryarya. Ariko rero birahambaye ko ubigira. Nakare, nimba ivy’ukutumvikana na sobukwe be na nyokobukwe vyama bituma wewe n’uwo mwubakanye muryana, mu vy’ukuri ingorane mufise si iyerekeye ba sobukwe na ba nyokobukwe, ahubwo ni ingorane yo mu mubano wanyu.

Ingorane nyinshi zo mu mubano zivyuka kubera yuko ata bubakanye babiri usanga babona neza na neza ibintu kumwe. Woba ushobora kugerageza kubona ibintu nk’uko uwo mwubakanye abibona? (Abafilipi 2:4; 4:5) Ivyo ni vyo umunega umwe wo muri Megizike yitwa Adrián yagize. Avuga ati: “Umukenyezi wanje yakuriye mu muryango warangwamwo akayaga kabi, akaba ari co gituma nirinda kwifatanya cane na databukwe be na mabukwe. Nahavuye mara imyaka n’iyindi nanka kwifatanya na bo mu buryo bwose. Ivyo vyarateje ingorane mu mubano wacu kubera yuko umukenyezi wanje yari acipfuza kwifatanya cane n’abagize umuryango wiwe, na canecane nyina.”

Uko igihe cagiye kirahaca, Adrián yaragize uburimbane mu kuntu yabona ico kibazo. Avuga ati: “Naho nzi yuko kwifatanya cane n’abavyeyi biwe biri n’ikintu kibi bikora mu bijanye n’inyiyumvo z’umukenyezi wanje, kutifatanya na bo na gato na vyo nyene birashobora gukwega ingorane. Naragerageje uko bishoboka kwose kugira ngo nsubire kugiranira ubucuti bwiza na databukwe be na mabukwe nongere ndabuzigame.” *

GERAGEZA IKI KINTU: Wewe n’uwo mwubakanye, nimwandike ivyo mubona ko bibaraje ishinga kuruta ibindi mu bijanye na ba sobukwe be na ba nyokobukwe. Niba bishoboka, nutangure n’amajambo agira ati: “Nibaza ko . . . ” Nimuce muguza impapuro. Mufise agatima ko gukorera hamwe, nimuzirikane ata gufyina uburyo butandukanye mushobora gutorera umuti ibiraje ishinga umwe wese muri mwebwe.

INGORANE YA 2:

Sobukwe na nyokobukwe bama bisuka mu bijanye n’umubano wanyu, bagatanga impanuro mutabasavye. Umukenyezi yitwa Nelya wo muri Kazakisitani avuga ati: “Imyaka indwi ya mbere y’umubano wacu twayimaze turi  kumwe n’abo mu muryango w’umunega wanje. Ingorane zaguma zivyuka ku bijanye n’ukuntu turera abana bacu no ku bijanye n’ingene nateka be n’ingene nakora isuku. Naraganiriye n’umunega wanje be na mabukwe ku bijanye n’izo ngorane, ariko nta kindi vyashitseko atari ukuzunyura!”

Aho ingorane zihagaze:

Igihe wubatse urwawe, ntuba ukiri musi y’ubukuru bw’abavyeyi bawe. Ahubwo riho, Bibiliya ivuga yuko “umutwe w’umugabo wese ari Kristu; umutwe w’umugore na wo [akaba] umugabo,” ni ukuvuga umugabo wiwe. (1 Abakorinto 11:3) Yamara rero, nk’uko vyamaze kuvugwa, umugabo n’umugore bompi barakwiye kugaragariza icubahiro abavyeyi babo. Nkako, mu Migani 23:22 hatubwira hati: “Wumvire so yakuvyaye, kandi ntugakēngēre nyoko ashitse mu butāmakazi.” Ariko, tuvuge iki igihe abavyeyi bawe, canke abavyeyi b’uwo mwubakanye, barenze akarimbi maze bakagerageza kubahatira kubona ibintu nk’uko babibona?

Ico ushobora gukora:

Ubigiranye agatima k’impuhwe, nugerageze kumenya imvo ituma abavyeyi banyu basa n’abisuka mu buzima bwanyu. Ryan, umwe twavuga mu ntangamarara, avuga ati: “Mu bihe bimwebimwe, abavyeyi barakenera kumenya yuko bagifise agaciro mu buzima bw’abana babo.” Mwene ukwo kwisuka mu buzima bwabo kwoshobora kuba kutagirwa n’ibigirankana kandi kurashobora gutorerwa umuti mu gushira mu ngiro iyo mpanuro Bibiliya itanga idusaba “[gushishikara] kwihanganirana no kubabarirana ata gahigihigi iyo hari uwufise ico yidogera uwundi.” (Abakolosayi 3:13) Ariko none, bite ho igihe ba sobukwe na ba nyokobukwe bisutse cane mu buzima bwanyu ku buryo biteza ingorane hagati yawe n’uwo mwubakanye?

Abubakanye bamwebamwe barize gushiriraho abavyeyi babo uturimbi tubereye. Ivyo ntibisigura yuko mukwiye kubaha amategeko. * Akenshi, bisaba gusa ko ugaragaza mu vyo ukora yuko uwo mwubakanye ari we aza ubwa mbere mu buzima bwawe. Nk’akarorero, umunega umwe wo mu Buyapani yitwa Masayuki avuga ati: “N’igihe nyene abavyeyi baseruye ukuntu babona ibintu, ntuce upfa kwemera. Uribuka ko umaze gushinga umuryango mushasha. Ku bw’ivyo, nubanze umenye ukuntu uwo mwubakanye abona iyo mpanuro.”

GERAGEZA IKI KINTU: Nuganire n’uwo mwubakanye ku bijanye n’imice minaka ivyukamwo ingorane mu mubano wanyu bivanye n’ukuba abavyeyi bisuka mu buzima bwanyu. Muri hamwe, nimwandike uturimbi mushobora gushiraho be n’ukuntu muzotwubahiriza, ariko kandi mukaguma mugaragariza abavyeyi banyu icubahiro.

Urashobora gutuma ingorane nyinshi zijanye na ba sobukwe be na ba nyokobukwe zigabanuka biciye ku kumenya imvo bakorana ibintu be no mu kutareka ngo izo ngorane zitume uryana n’uwo mwubakanye. Mu bijanye n’ivyo, Jenny yiyemerera ati: “Rimwe na rimwe, ibiganiro twagirana n’umunega wanje ku vyerekeye abavyeyi bacu vyaratuma akatari gake turanda imitsi, kandi vyaragaragara rwose ko vyatuma tubabara cane bitewe n’uko tuyaze ku vyerekeye utunenge tw’abavyeyi banje canke abiwe. Ariko rero, twahavuye twiga kureka kwitwaza udusembwa tw’abavyeyi bacu nk’ubuhiri bwo guhana uwundi, ahubwo twiga gutorera umuti ingorane twaba dufise. Ivyo vyatumye turushiriza kugiranira ubucuti bwa hafi cane uko turi umunega n’umukenyezi.”

^ par. 3 Si ko bitwa.

^ par. 14 Birumvikana ko igihe abavyeyi bisutse mu ngeso mbi cane, na canecane mu buryo bubandanya kandi ntibigaye, ubucuti mufitaniye bwo mu muryango bwoshobora gutosekara cane kandi bugashingirwa akarimbi mu buryo butegereka.1 Abakorinto 5:11.

^ par. 19 Mu bihe bimwebimwe, woshobora gukenera kuyaga ata kurya umunwa n’abavyeyi bawe canke na sobukwe be na nyokobukwe. Nimba ari ukwo bigenze, nubigirane icubahiro n’ubwitonzi.Imigani 15:1; Abanyefeso 4:2; Abakolosayi 3:12.

NIWIBAZE UTI . . .

  • Ni kamere nziza izihe databukwe na mabukwe bafise?

  • Noshobora gute kugaragariza icubahiro abavyeyi banje ariko kandi ntirengagije uwo twubakanye?

Raba n'ibindi

Ukuntu mwotsinda urugamba rwo mu mwaka wa mbere w’umubano w’ababiranye

Woba uherutse kurushinga? Bibiliya irashobora kugufasha gukomeza umubano wawe.