• Mumakonda kuyenda ndi munthu winawake amene si mnyamata kapena mtsikana mnzanu. Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi?

• Mwakopeka ndi munthu winawake amene si mnyamata kapena mtsikana mnzanu ndipo kangapo patsiku, mumalankhulana kapena kutumizirana mauthenga pafoni. Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi?

• Nthawi zonse mukakhala pagulu ndi anzanu, mumangocheza ndi munthu yemweyemweyo, koma si mnyamata kapena mtsikana mnzanu. Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi?

N’zosakayikitsa kuti simunavutike kuyankha funso loyambalo, koma mwina munaganizira kaye mozama musanayankhe mafunso enawo. Kodi kukhala pachibwenzi n’kutani kwenikweni?

Kukhala pachibwenzi kumatanthauza kumangocheza m’njira ina iliyonse ndi munthu mmodzi amene mwakopeka naye ndipo nayenso wakopeka nanu.

Choncho yankho la mafunso onse atatu amene ali pamwambawa ndi lakuti inde. Ngati mumalankhulana nthawi zonse, kaya pafoni kapena pamasom’pamaso, kaya poyera kapena mobisa, ndipo inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mumadziwa kuti mumakondana m’njira yodziwa awirinu, ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi.

Mnyamata ndi mtsikana amene akufuna kukhala pachibwenzi ayenera kukhala ndi cholinga chabwino, chofuna kudziwana ngati ali oyenerana kumanga banja.

N’zoona kuti anzanu ena angamachite zibwenzi alibe cholinga chabwino. Mwinamwake amangosangalala kukhala ndi chibwenzi popanda cholinga chodzakwatirana. Ena amangoona chibwenzi chawocho ngati chinthu chinachake chodzitamira nacho, mwinanso ngati chikho chimene apambana pampikisano.

Nthawi zambiri zibwenzi zotere sizichedwa kutha. Mtsikana wina, dzina lake Heather, anati: “Achinyamata ambiri amene amakhala ndi zibwenzi amathetsa zibwenzizo pakangotha mlungu umodzi kapena iwiri. Motero amayamba kuona chibwenzi ngati chinthu chosakhalitsa, ndipo tingati zimenezi zimawapangitsa kukhala ndi mtima wofuna kudzathetsa banja m’tsogolo, osati mtima wofuna kukhala ndi banja lolimba.”

Dziwani kuti mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu, maganizo ake onse amakhala pa inuyo. Choncho, onetsetsani kuti muli ndi cholinga chabwino mukamayamba chibwenzi.​—Luka 6:31.

Taganizirani izi: Kodi mungamve bwanji munthu wina ataseweretsa maganizo anu ngati chidole choseweretsa ana chimene amati akatopa nacho amachisiya? Choncho inuyo musayese dala kuseweretsa maganizo a wina. Baibulo limati chikondi “sichichita zosayenera.”​—1 Akorinto 13:​4, 5.

Mtsikana wina dzina lake Chelsea anati: “Nthawi zina ndimaganiza kuti anthu ayenera kuchita chibwenzi pofuna kungosangalala. Koma sizoona chifukwa mnzanuyo amazitenga kuti n’zenizeni.”

Mfundo yothandiza: Kuti mukonzekere kukhala pachibwenzi, werengani lemba la 2 Petulo 1:​5-7 ndipo sankhani khalidwe limodzi limene mukufuna kuti muyesetse kukhala nalo. Pakapita mwezi umodzi, muone zimene mwaphunzira zokhudza khalidwelo komanso zimene mwachita poyesetsa kuti mukhale nalo.

•   Kodi mukuganiza kuti wachinyamata angakhale ndi chibwenzi ali ndi zaka zingati?

•   Ndiyeno funsani bambo kapena mayi anu funso lomweli.

N’kutheka kuti yankho lanu n’losiyana ndi la makolo anu. Kapena mwina silinasiyane kwenikweni chifukwa muli m’gulu la achinyamata ambiri anzeru amene akudikira kuti adzakhale ndi chibwenzi akadzakula n’kufika podzidziwa bwinobwino.

Izi n’zimene mtsikana wina wazaka 17, dzina lake Danielle, anaganiza kuchita. Iye anati: “Ndikakumbukira za mmene ndinkaganizira zaka ziwiri zapitazo ndimaona kuti zinthu zimene ndikanakonda mwa mwamuna woti ndikwatirane naye, n’zosiyana ndi zimene ndingakonde panopo. Ngakhale panopo sindikukhulupirira kuti ndingathe kusankha bwino pankhani imeneyi. Ndikadzafika poona kuti ndasiya kusinthasintha maganizo kwazaka zingapo, m’pamene ndidzayambe kuganiza zokhala pachibwenzi.”

Kudikira n’kwabwino pa chifukwa chinanso. Baibulo limatchula mawu oti “pachimake cha unyamata” pofotokoza nthawi imene chilakolako cha kugonana chimayamba kukhala champhamvu kwambiri. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Pa nthawi imeneyi, kumangocheza ndi munthu mmodzimodzi amene si mnyamata kapena mtsikana mnzanu kukhoza kukolezera chilakolako chimenechi mpaka kuchita tchimo.

N’zoona kuti anzanu ena sangaone vuto lililonse kuchita zimenezi. Ambiri mwa iwo amafunitsitsa atagonana ndi munthu wina n’cholinga choti adziwe kuti zimakhala bwanji anthu akamagonana. Koma mukhoza kupewa maganizo amenewa. (Aroma 12:2) Ndipotu, Baibulo limakulimbikitsani kuti: “Thawani dama.” (1 Akorinto 6:18) Mukadikira mpaka kudutsa pachimake pa unyamata, mukhoza ‘kudziteteza ku tsoka.’​—Mlaliki 11:10.

Kukakamizika kukhala ndi chibwenzi musanakonzekere, kuli ngati kukukakamizani kulemba mayeso omaliza a maphunziro enaake omwe mwangoyamba kumene kuphunzira. N’zodziwikiratu kuti zimenezi sizingakusangalatseni. Mungafunike kuphunzira mokwanira kuti mudziwe bwino zinthu zimene zingadzabwere pa mayesowo.

N’chimodzimodzinso ndi kukhala pachibwenzi.

Kukhala pachibwenzi si nkhani yamasewera. Choncho, musanayambe kuganiza zopeza chibwenzi, muyenera kuphunzira kaye zinthu zofunika kwambiri. Muyenera kuphunzira zimene mungachite kuti muzigwirizana bwino ndi anthu.

Zimenezi zingakuthandizeni kuti pamene mwapeza munthu woyenera, chibwenzi chanu chidzayende bwino kwambiri. Ndipotu, kuti anthu akhale ndi banja losangalala amafunika kukhala mabwenzi abwino.

Kudikira kaye musanakhale pachibwenzi, sikuti kumakupherani ufulu. M’malo mwake kumakupatsani ufulu wambiri woti ‘musangalale ndi unyamata wanu.’ (Mlaliki 11:9) Ndipo mumakhala ndi nthawi yosintha kuti mukhale munthu wabwino ndiponso kuti ubwenzi wanu ndi Yehova Mulungu, womwe ndi wofunika kwambiri, ukhale wolimba.​—Maliro 3:27.

Pakalipano, mungamasangalale kucheza ndi anyamata kapena atsikana osiyanasiyana. Kodi mungatani kuti muzicheza nawo m’njira yabwino? Muzicheza nawo pagulu loyang’aniridwa bwino la anthu amisinkhu yosiyanasiyana. Mtsikana wina dzina lake Tammy anati: “Ndimaona kuti kucheza pagulu n’kosangalatsa kwambiri. Zimakhala bwino kukhala ndi anzako ambiri.” Monica nayenso anavomereza kuti: “Kucheza pagulu n’kwabwino kwambiri chifukwa mumatha kudziwana ndi anthu amakhalidwe osiyanasiyana.”

Koma ngati muyamba mudakali wamng’ono kumangocheza ndi munthu mmodzimodzi, mukhoza kudzanong’oneza bondo m’tsogolo. Choncho, fatsani kaye. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi imeneyi kuphunzira mmene mungakhalire paubwenzi wabwino ndi anthu osiyanasiyana. Ndiyeno mukadzayamba kuganiza zokhala ndi chibwenzi, mudzakhala mutadzidziwa bwino ndiponso mutadziwa bwino makhalidwe amene mungafune mwa munthu amene mudzakwatirane naye.