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Galamukani!  |  March 2015

 MFUNDO ZOTHANDIZA MABANJA | MWAMUNA NDI MKAZI WAKE

Mungatani Kuti Muzigwirizana Ndi Apongozi Anu?

Mungatani Kuti Muzigwirizana Ndi Apongozi Anu?

VUTO LIMENE LIMAKHALAPO

“Tikakhala ndi vuto linalake, mkazi wanga ankauza makolo ake. Kenako ndinkangodabwa bambo ake aimba foni n’kuyamba kundipatsa malangizo othetsera vutolo. Zimenezi sizinkandisangalatsa kwenikweni.”—James. *

“Apongozi anga aakazi amakonda kunena kuti, ‘Mwana wanga ndiye ndamusowa bwanji?’ Amakondanso kunena kuti mwana wawo asanakwatire, ankagwirizana naye kwambiri. Zimenezi zimandipangitsa kuganiza kuti ndinalakwa kukwatirana ndi mwana wawoyo.”—Natasha.

Kodi mungatani kuti mavuto ngati amenewa asasokoneze banja lanu?

ZIMENE MUYENERA KUDZIWA

Mukakwatirana mumachoka m’manja mwa makolo anu. Baibulo limati mwamuna akakwatira ‘amasiya bambo ake ndi mayi ake n’kudziphatika kwa mkazi wake.’ N’chimodzimodzinso mkazi. Akakwatiwa amasiya makolo ake ndipo Baibulo limati amakhala “thupi limodzi” ndi mwamuna wake. Zikatere amayamba banja lawo.—Mateyu 19:5.

Banja lanu ndi lofunika kuposa makolo anu. Mlangizi wina wa mabanja, dzina lake John M. Gottman anati: “Chinthu china chofunika kwambiri m’banja n’choti mwamuna komanso mkazi aphunzire kuti akamachita zinthu, azikumbukira kuti alipo awiri osati yekha ndipo ayenera kuchita zinthu mogwirizana. Kuti zimenezi zitheke mungafunike kusiya kuchita zinthu zina zomwe munkachita ndi makolo komanso achibale anu.” *

Makolo ena zimawavuta kuvomereza kuti mwana wawo wachoka m’manja mwawo. Mwamuna wina ananena kuti: “Tisanakwatirane, mkazi wanga ankaona kuti makolo ake ndi ofunika kwambiri kuposa ine. Koma titakwatirana mayi ake anaona kuti wayamba kukonda kwambiri ineyo kuposa iwowo. Zimenezi sizinkawasangalatsa kwenikweni.”

Mukangokwatirana kumene, zimakhala zovuta kuti muzigwirizana ndi apongozi anu. James, yemwe tamutchula kale uja anati: “Sumachita kusankha apongozi ngati mmene ungasankhire anthu ocheza nawo. Ukakwatira umafunika kugwirizana ndi apongozi ako, ufune usafune. Ngakhale atakhala ovuta, ndi apongozi akobe basi.”

 ZIMENE MUNGACHITE

Ngati simukugwirizana pa nkhani ya mmene mungamachitire zinthu ndi apongozi anu, yesetsani kukambirana nkhaniyi mwamtendere. Tsatirani malangizo a m’Baibulo akuti: “Funafunani mtendere ndi kuusunga.”—Salimo 34:14.

Zitsanzo zitatu zotsatirazi zingakuthandizeni kuchita zimenezi. Chitsanzo choyamba ndi chachitatu chalembedwa ngati malangizowo akupita kwa mwamuna, pomwe chachiwiri chalembedwa ngati malangizowo akupita kwa mkazi. Komabe malangizowa ndi othandiza kwa onse, mwamuna ndi mkazi. Komanso mfundozi mungazigwiritse ntchito pa mavuto osiyanasiyana okhudza mmene mungachitire zinthu ndi apongozi anu.

Mkazi wanu akukuuzani kuti amafuna mutamagwirizana ndi mayi ake, koma inuyo mumaona kuti mayi akewo ndi ovuta.

Tayesani izi: Kambiranani nkhaniyi ndi mkazi wanuyo ndipo khalani wokonzeka kusintha. Kumbukirani kuti mukuchita zimenezi osati chifukwa cha apongozi anu koma chifukwa cha mkazi wanuyo, popeza munalonjeza kuti mudzamukonda. Pokambiranapo gwirizanani zimene muchite kuti muzigwirizana ndi mayi akewo ndipo yesetsani kumazichitadi. Mkazi wanu akaona kuti mukuyesetsa kuti muzigwirizana ndi mayi ake, angayambe kukulemekezani.—Lemba lothandiza: 1 Akorinto 10:24.

Mwamuna wanu akukuuzani kuti amaona kuti mumafuna kusangalatsa kwambiri makolo anu kuposa iyeyo.

Tayesani izi: Kambiranani nkhaniyi ndi mwamuna wanuyo ndipo yesetsani kuona nkhaniyo mmene iyeyo akuionera. N’zoona kuti mwamuna wanu sayenera kuona ngati mukumunyalanyaza chifukwa choti mukulemekeza makolo anu. (Miyambo 23:22) Komabe, muyenera kumutsimikizira kuti ndi wofunika kwambiri kwa inuyo kuposa makolo anu. Zolankhula ndi zochita zanu ziyenera kusonyeza zimenezi. Mwamuna wanu akadziwa zimenezi, sangaganizenso kuti inuyo mumakonda kwambiri makolo anu kuposa iyeyo.—Lemba lothandiza: Aefeso 5:33.

Mkazi wanu amafunsa malangizo kwa makolo ake m’malo mokufunsani inuyo.

Tayesani izi: Kambiranani ndi mkazi wanu ndipo gwirizanani nkhani zoyenera ndi zosayenera kuuza makolo. Koma musakhwimitse zinthu. Mwachitsanzo, si nthawi zonse pamene kungakhale kulakwa kuuza makolo vuto linalake. Mukakambirana n’kugwirizana bwinobwino zoyenera kuchita, nkhani imeneyi singamakhalenso vuto m’banja mwanu.—Lemba lothandiza: Afilipi 4:5.

^ ndime 4 Tasintha mayina m’nkhaniyi.

^ ndime 9 Mfundo zimenezi zachokera m’buku lakuti, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.