“NGATI pali chilichonse chimene ndingachite, tangondiuzani.” Izi nzimene ambiri a ife timanena kwa bwenzi kapena wachibale yemwe wangofedwa kumene. Eya, timatanthauzadi zimenezo. Tikhoza kuchita chilichonse kumthandiza. Koma kodi wofedwayo amatiitana ndi kunena kuti: “Ndalingalira chinthu china chimene mungachite kundithandiza”? Sinthaŵi zonse. Mwachionekere, tingafunikire kuyamba ndife kuchitapo kanthu ngati titi tithandizedi ndi kutonthoza wachisoniyo.

Mwambi wa Baibulo umati: “Mawu oyenera a panthaŵi yake akunga zipatso za golidi.” (Miyambo 15:23; 25:11) Kuli kwanzeru kudziŵa zimene muyenera kunena ndi zimene simuyenera kunena, zimene muyenera kuchita ndi zimene simuyenera kuchita. Nawa malingaliro angapo a Malemba omwe anthu ena ofedwa awapeza kukhala othandiza.

Zimene Muyenera Kuchita . . .

Mvetserani: Khalani “wotchera khutu,” akutero Yakobo 1:19. Chimodzi cha zinthu zothandiza kwambiri zimene mungachite ndicho kugaŵana chisoni cha wofedwayo mwa kumvetsera. Ofedwa ena angafune kulankhula za wokondedwa wawo wakufayo, ponena za ngozi kapena nthenda imene inachititsa imfayo, kapena ponena za malingaliro awo kuchokera pamene imfayo inachitika. Chotero funsani kuti: “Kodi mungalole kulankhula za imfayo?” Aloleni asankhe. Pokumbukira pamene atate ake anamwalira, mwamuna wina wachichepere anati: “Zinandithandizadi pamene ena anafunsa zimene zinachitika namvetsera mosamalitsa.” Mvetserani moleza mtima ndi mwachifundo popanda kwenikweni lingaliro lakuti muyenera kupereka mayankho onse kapena chithandizo. Aloleni anene zilizonse zimene afuna kukuuzani.

Perekani chitsimikiziro: Atsimikizireni kuti iwo anachita zonse zothekera (kapena zina zilizonse zimene mukudziŵa kukhala zoona ndi zabwino). Atsimikizireni kuti mmene akumvereramo​—chisoni, mkwiyo, liwongo, kapena kumva m’njira zina zake​—sikuli kwachilendo konse. Auzeni ponena za ena amene mumawadziŵa omwe achira bwino lomwe pa kutayikidwa kofananako. “Mawu okoma” oterowo ali “olamitsa mafupa,” likutero lemba la Miyambo 16:24.​—1 Atesalonika 5:11, 14.

Khalani odzipereka kwa iwo: Khalani odzipereka kwa iwo, osati kwa masiku oŵerengeka oyambirira okha pamene mabwenzi ambiri ndi achibale alipo, koma ngakhale pambuyo pa miyezi ingapo pamene enawo abwerera ku moyo wawo wanthaŵi zonse. Mwa njira imeneyi mumadzisonyeza kukhala “bwenzi [loona, NW]” lenileni, limene limakhala pafupi ndi bwenzi lake m’nthaŵi ya “tsoka.” (Miyambo 17:17)  “Mabwenzi athu analinganiza zochita m’nthaŵi yathu yamadzulo kotero kuti sitinakhale tokha kwanthaŵi yaitali panyumba,” akufotokoza motero Teresea, amene mwana wake anamwalira m’ngozi ya galimoto. “Zimenezo zinatithandiza kupirira malingaliro akudzimva kukhala opanda pake omwe tinali nawo.” Kwa zaka zingapo pambuyo pake, madeti achaka, onga ngati deti laukwati kapena deti la imfa, angakhale nthaŵi yovutitsa maganizo kwa otsalawo. Bwanji osachonga madetiwo pakalenda yanu kotero kuti pamene afika, mukhoza kudzipereka, ngati kuli kofunika, kuwapatsa chichirikizo chachifundo?

Ngati muona kuti pafunikira thandizo loyenera, musayembekezere kupemphedwa​—yambani inu kuchitapo kanthu moyenerera

Yambani inu kuchitapo kanthu moyenerera: Kodi pali mautumiki ofunikira kuchitidwa? Kodi pafunikira munthu wolera ana? Kodi mabwenzi ndi achibale odzacheza afunikira malo ogona? Kaŵirikaŵiri anthu ofedwa kumene amakhala othedwa nzeru kwakuti samadziŵa ngakhale zimene iwo afunikira kuchita, samathanso ndi kuuza ena mmene angawathandizire. Motero ngati muona kuti pafunikira thandizo loyenera, musayembekezere kupemphedwa; yambani inuyo kuchitapo kanthu. (1 Akorinto 10:24; yerekezerani ndi 1 Yohane 3:17, 18.) Mkazi wina amene mwamuna wake adamwalira anakumbukira kuti: “Ambiri anati, ‘Ngati pali chilichonse chimene ndingachite, tangondiuzani.’ Koma mnzanga wina sanafunse. Iye anangoloŵa m’chipinda, anayalula bedi, ndi kukachapa zofunda zoipitsidwa ndi mwamuna wanga pomwalira. Wina anatenga bekete, madzi, ndi zotsukira natsuka mphasa imene mwamuna wanga anasanzirapo. Pambuyo pa milungu ingapo, mmodzi wa akulu a mpingo anafika ali m’zovala zake zantchito ndi zipangizo zake nati, ‘Ndikudziŵa kuti payenera kukhala chinthu china chofunikira kukonza. Kodi nchiyani?’ Mwamunayo ali woyamikirika chotani nanga kwa ine kaamba ka kundikonzera chitseko chimene chinali chitagweduka ndi kaamba ka kukonzanso getsi!”​—Yerekezerani ndi Yakobo 1:27.

Khalani wochereza alendo: “Musaiŵale kuchereza alendo,” limatikumbutsa motero Baibulo. (Ahebri 13:2) Makamaka tiyenera kukumbukira kukhala ochereza kwa achisoniwo. Mmalo mwa chiitano chakuti “fikani nthaŵi iliyonse,” ikani tsiku ndi nthaŵi. Ngati  akana, musaleke mofulumira. Pangafunikire chilimbikitso chachikondi. Mwinamwake akukana chiitano chanu chifukwa chakuti akuopa kuti angadzagwidwe ndi chisoni pamaso pa ena ndi kuyamba kulira. Kapena mwinamwake angadzadzimve waliwongo kuti akusangalala ndi chakudya ndi mayanjano panthaŵi yoteroyo. Kumbukirani mkazi wochereza alendo Lidiya wotchulidwa m’Baibulo. Ataitanidwa kunyumba kwa mkaziyo, Luka akuti, “Anatiumiriza ife.”​—Machitidwe 16:15.

Khalani woleza mtima ndi womvetsetsa: Musadabwe kwambiri ndi zimene ofedwa anganene poyamba. Kumbukirani, iwo angakhale okwiya ndi kudzimva aliwongo. Ngati akalipira inuyo, mudzafunikira kugwiritsira ntchito luntha ndi kuleza mtima kuti musayankhe ndi mkwiyo. Baibulo limalangiza kuti: “Valani, . . . mtima wachifundo, kukoma mtima, kudzichepetsa, chifatso, kuleza mtima.”​—Akolose 3:12, 13.

Lembani kalata: Chimene  chimanyalanyazidwa kaŵirikaŵiri ndicho phindu la kalata kapena khadi lachisoni. Kodi limathandiza? Cindy, amene amayi ake anamwalira ndi kansa akuyankha kuti: “Bwenzi lina linandilembera kalata yabwino kwambiri. Imeneyo inandithandiza kwambiri chifukwa chakuti ndinaiŵerenga mobwerezabwereza.” Kalata kapena khadi yotero ya chilimbikitso ingalembedwe “mwachidule,” koma iyenera kunena za kumtima kwanu. (Ahebri 13:22) Inganene kuti mumasamala ndi kuti mukugaŵana naye chikumbukiro chapadera ponena za wakufayo, kapena ingasonyeze mmene moyo wanu unaliri wokhudzidwa ndi munthu yemwe anafayo.

Pempherani nawo: Musachepetse phindu la mapemphero opempherera pamodzi ndi ofedwawo ndi owapempherera. Baibulo limati: “Pemphero la munthu wolungama likhoza kwakukulu.” (Yakobo 5:16) Mwachitsanzo, kukumvani mukuwapempherera kungawathandize kuchotsa malingaliro ovutitsa maganizo onga liwongo.​—Yerekezerani ndi Yakobo 5:13-15.

Zimene Simuyenera Kuchita . . .

Kukhalapo kwanu kuchipatalako kungalimbikitse wofedwayo

Musatalikirane naye chifukwa cha kusadziŵa zimene munganene kapena kuchita: ‘Ndikhulupirira kuti afunikira kukhala okha pakali pano,’ tinganene motero. Koma mwinamwake choonadi nchakuti sitikukhala pafupi nawo chifukwa chakuti tikuwopa kuti tinganene kapena kuchita chinthu chosayenera. Komabe, kupeŵedwa ndi mabwenzi, achibale, kapena okhulupirira anzathu kungangokulitsa kusungulumwa kwa wofedwayo, ndi kuwonjezera chisoni chakecho. Kumbukirani, kaŵirikaŵiri mawu okoma mtima kwambiri ndi zochita ndizo zimakhala zosavuta. (Aefeso 4:32) Kukhalapo kwanu kokhako kungakhale kolimbikitsa. (Yerekezerani ndi Machitidwe 28:15.) Pokumbukira tsiku limene mwana wake wamkazi anamwalira, Teresea akunena kuti: “Mu ola limodzi lokha, chipinda chofikira alendo cha chipatala chinadzaza ndi mabwenzi athu; akulu onse ndi akazi awo anali pamenepo. Ena a akaziwo anali adakali ndi zokhonyera tsitsi kumutu kwawo, ena anali m’zovala zawo za ntchito. Anangoleka chilichonse chomwe anali kuchita ndi kubwera. Ambiri a iwo anatiuza kuti sanadziŵe chomwe akananena, koma zinalibe kanthu chifukwa chakuti anali atafika.”

Musawaumirize kuleka kumva chisoni: ‘Basi, tontholani tsopano, lekani kulira,’ tingafune kunena zimenezo. Koma kungakhale kwabwinopo kulola misozi kutuluka. “Ndiganiza kuti nkofunika kulola ofedwawo kusonyeza chisoni chawo ndi kuchitulutsadi kumtima kwawo,” akutero Katherine, akumakumbukira za imfa ya mwamuna wake. Peŵani chizoloŵezi cha kuuza ena mmene ayenera kumverera. Ndipo musalingalire kuti muyenera kubisa mmene mukumverera kotero kuti mutetezere mmene iwo akumverera. Mmalo mwake, “lirani nawo akulira,” limalangiza motero Baibulo.​—Aroma 12:15.

Musafulumire kuwauza kuti achotse zovala kapena zinthu zaumwini za wakufayo pamene iwo sali okonzekera kutero: Tingalingalire kuti kungakhale bwino kuti iwo achotse zinthu zimene zingakumbutse wakufayo chifukwa zikhoza kupitiriza chisonicho. Koma mawu akuti “Wachoka m’maso, wachoka m’maganizo” sangagwire ntchito pano. Wofedwayo angafunikire kuiŵala wakufayo pang’onopang’ono. Baibulo limafotokoza kachitidwe ka khololo Yakobo pamene anachititsidwa kukhulupirira kuti mwana wake wachichepere Yosefe adajiwa ndi chirombo cholusa. Pamene mwinjiro wa Yosefe wokhathamira ndi mwazi unasonyezedwa kwa Yakobo, ‘analira mwana wake masiku ambiri. Ndipo ana aamuna ake onse ndi ana aakazi onse anauka kuti amtonthoze: koma anakana kutonthozedwa.’​—Genesis 37:31-35.

Musanene kuti, ‘Mudzapeza mwana wina’: “Ndinanyansidwa pamene anthu ankandiuza kuti ndikapeza mwana wina,”  akukumbukira motero mayi wina yemwe anafedwa mwana wake. Iwo angakhale ndi cholinga chabwino, koma kwa kholo lachisonilo, mawu akuti mwana wotayikayo angaloŵedwe m’malo akhoza ‘kubaya ngati lupanga.’ (Miyambo 12:18) Mwana sangaloŵedwe m’malo ndi wina. Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chakuti aliyense ali wosiyana.

Musapeŵe mosafunikira kutchula wakufayo: “Anthu ambiri sankatchula ngakhale dzina la mwana wanga Jimmy kapena kulankhula za iye,” akukumbukira motero mayi wina. “Kunena zoona kunandipweteka mtima pamene ena anachita zomenezo.” Chotero musasinthe nkhani mosafunikira pamene dzina la wakufayo litchulidwa. Funsani munthuyo ngati akufuna kulankhula za wokondedwa wakeyo. (Yerekezerani ndi Yobu 1:18, 19 ndi 10:1.) Anthu ena ofedwa amayamikira kumva mabwenzi akuwauza za mikhalidwe yapadera imene anaikonda mwa malemuyo.​—Yerekezerani ndi Machitidwe 9:36-39.

Musafulumire kunena kuti, ‘Zangokhala bwino’: Sinthaŵi zonse pamene kuyesa kupeza chabwino ponena za imfayo ‘kumalimbikitsa amantha mtima’ omwe akumva chisoni. (1 Atesalonika 5:14) Pokumbukira pamene amayi ake anamwalira, mkazi wina wachichepere anati: “Ena ankanena kuti, ‘Sakuvutika konse’ kapena, ‘Tsopano ali pamtendere.’ Koma sindinafune kumva zimenezo.” Mawu oterowo angatanthauze kwa otsalawo kuti sayenera kumva chisoni kapena kuti kutayikidwako sikunali kwakukulu. Komabe, iwo angakhale achisoni kwambiri chifukwa chakuti akulakalaka kwambiri wokondedwa wawoyo.

Kungakhale bwinopo kusanena kuti, ‘Ndikudziŵa mmene mukumverera’: Kodi mumaterodi? Mwachitsanzo, kodi mukhoza kudziŵadi mmene kholo limamverera pamene mwana amwalira ngati imfa yoteroyo sinachitikepo kwa inu? Ndipo ngakhale ngati inachitikapo, zindikirani kuti ena sangakhale akumva mofanana ndi mmene inuyo munamverera. (Yerekezerani ndi Maliro 1:12.) Komabe, ngati kukuonekera kukhala koyenera, pangakhale mapindu ena mutafotokoza mmene munapezeranso bwino pambuyo pa imfa ya wokondedwa wanu. Mkazi wina amene mwana wake adaphedwa anakupeza kukhala kolimbikitsa pamene amayi a mtsikana wina yemwe adamwalira anasimbira za mmene iye anabwereranso pa moyo wa nthaŵi zonse. Iye anati: “Amayi a mtsikana wakufayo sanayambe nkhani yawo ndi mawu akuti ‘Ndikudziŵa mmene mukumverera.’ Iwo anangondiuza mmene zinthu zinaliri kwa iwo ndi kundithandiza kuzigwiritsira ntchito pa ine mwini.”

Kuthandiza munthu wofedwa kumafuna chifundo, kuzindikira, ndi chikondi chachikulu kwa inuyo. Musayembekezere wofedwayo kubwera kwa inu. Musangonena kuti, “Ngati pali chinthu chilichonse chimene ndingachite . . .” Pezani “chinthu chilichonse” chimenecho inuyo, ndiyeno yambani inu kuchitapo kanthu.

Mafunso angapo adakalipo: Bwanji ponena za chiyembekezo cha Baibulo cha chiukiriro? Kodi chingatanthauzenji kwa inuyo ndi wokondedwa wanu yemwe wamwalirayo? Kodi tingakhale motani otsimikizira kuti chili chiyembekezo chodalirika?