Pitani ku nkhani yake

Pitani ku mitu ya nkhani

 Chinsinsi cha Banja Losangalala

Zimene Mungachite Kuti Muyambirenso Kukhulupirirana

Zimene Mungachite Kuti Muyambirenso Kukhulupirirana

Steve *: “Sindinkayembekezera kuti Jodi angachite chigololo. Zimene anachitazi zinachititsa kuti ndisiye kumukhulupirira. Sindingathe kufotokoza mmene zinalili zovuta kumukhululukira.”

Jodi: “Ndimamvetsa chimene chinachititsa kuti Steve asiye kundikhulupirira. Zinatenga zaka zambiri kuti atsimikizire kuti ndinazindikira kulakwa kwanga komanso kuti ndinasintha.”

BAIBULO limapereka mwayi wosankha ngati munthu akufuna kukhalabe ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake amene wachita chigololo kapena ngati akufuna kuti ukwati uthe. * (Mateyu 19:9) Steve, amene tamutchulayu, anasankha kuti ukwati wake usathe. Iye ndi mkazi wake Jodi anaona kuti ndi bwino kusathetsa ukwati wawo. Komabe pasanapite nthawi, iwo anazindikira kuti kuchita zimenezi sikophweka. Zimene awiriwa ananenazi zikusonyeza kuti zomwe Jodi anachita zinapangitsa kuti iwo asiye kukhulupirirana. Popeza kuti banja likhale losangalala pamafunika kuti anthu okwatiranawo azikhulupirirana, iwo anafunika kuchita khama kuti ayambirenso kukhulupirirana.

Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wachita chigololo ndipo mwasankha kuti ukwati wanu usathe, n’zachidziwikire kuti mukumana ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri miyezi ingapo yoyambirira nkhaniyi ikangodziwika. Komabe n’zotheka kuyambiranso kukhulupirirana. Koma kodi mungatani kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana? Malangizo a m’Baibulo angakuthandizeni. Onani njira zinayi zotsatirazi.

1 Muziuzana zoona.

Mtumwi Paulo analemba kuti: “Popeza tsopano mwataya chinyengo, aliyense wa inu alankhule zoona.” (Aefeso 4:25) Kunena zabodza, kusafotokoza nkhani mmene ilili kapena kungokhala osalankhulapo chilichonse kungachititse kuti musamakhulupirirane. Choncho muyenera kulankhulana momasuka komanso kuuzana zoona zokhazokha.

Poyamba, inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mungakhumudwe  kwambiri moti simungafunenso kukambirana nkhaniyo. Komabe pakapita nthawi, muyenera kukambirana moona mtima za zimene zinachitikazo. Mwina simungakambirane zonse mmene zinakhalira, koma si bwino kungosiyiratu osakambirana nkhaniyo. Jodi, amene tamutchula uja, anati: “Poyamba, ndinkaona kuti kukambirana za nkhaniyi n’kovuta kwambiri komanso kosasangalatsa. Ndinkadzimvera chisoni kwambiri chifukwa cha zimene ndinachitazi ndipo sindinkafunanso kuzikumbukira.” Komabe, kusakambirana nkhaniyi kunabweretsa mavuto. N’chifukwa chiyani tikutero? Steve anati: “Chifukwa choti Jodi sankafuna kuti tikambirane za nkhaniyi, zinachititsa kuti ndizimukayikirabe.” Koma pambuyo pake Jodi anati: “Ndimaona kuti kusakambirana nkhaniyi ndi mwamuna wanga kunachititsa kuti isathe mwamsanga.”

N’zoona kuti kukambirana nkhani yokhudza kusakhulupirika kumene mwamuna kapena mkazi wachita kumakhala kovuta. Debbie, amene mwamuna wake Paul anachita chigololo ndi sekilitale wake, anati: “Ndinali ndi mafunso ambirimbiri. Ndinkadzifunsa kuti, Zinayamba bwanji? N’chifukwa chiyani achita zimenezi? Kodi ankacheza nkhani zanji? Ndikangoganiza za nkhaniyi ndinkakhumudwa ndipo pamene masiku ankapita mafunsowo ankawonjezereka.” Paul anati: “Popeza zimene ndinachitazi zinakhumudwitsa kwambiri Debbie, nthawi zambiri tikayamba kukambirana za nkhaniyi tinkangokangana. Koma pambuyo pake tinkapepesana, ndipo kukambirana moona mtima kunathandiza kuti tigwirizanenso.”

Kodi mungatani kuti mukamakambirana nkhaniyo musamakangane? Kumbukirani kuti cholinga chanu chachikulu pokambirana, sikulanga mnzanuyo koma kupeza zimene zinachititsa vutolo komanso kulimbitsa ukwati wanu. Mwachitsanzo, Chul Soo ndi mkazi wake, Mi Young, anafufuza kuti adziwe chimene chinachititsa kuti mwamunayo achite chigololo. Chul Soo anati: “Ndinapeza kuti ineyo ndinkatanganidwa kwambiri ndi zochita zanga komanso nthawi zambiri ndinkadera nkhawa kwambiri za anthu ena kuposa mkazi wanga ndipo ndinkayesetsa kuchita zinthu zoti ndiwasangalatse. Zimenezi zinkandithera nthawi yambiri moti ndinkakhala ndi nthawi yochepa yocheza ndi mkazi wanga.” Atazindikira zimenezi, Chul Soo ndi Mi Young anasintha mmene ankachitira zinthu ndipo zimenezi zinathandiza kuti ukwati wawo uyambe kuyenda bwino.

TAYESANI IZI: Ngati inuyo ndi amene munachita zosakhulupirika, pewani kupereka zifukwa zodzikhululukira kapena kuimba mlandu mnzanuyo. Vomerezani kulakwa kwanu ndipo ganizirani mmene mnzanuyo akumvera. Ngati ndinu wolakwiridwa, pewani kulalatira mnzanuyo komanso kumulankhula mawu achipongwe. Kupewa kuchita zimenezi kungalimbikitse mnzanuyo kuti apitirize kumalankhula momasuka.​—Aefeso 4:32.

2 Muzichita Zinthu Mogwirizana.

Baibulo limati: “Awiri amaposa mmodzi.” N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho? “Chifukwa amapeza mphoto yabwino pa ntchito yawo imene amaigwira mwakhama. Ngati mmodzi wa iwo atagwa, winayo akhoza kum’dzutsa mnzakeyo.” (Mlaliki 4:9, 10) Mfundo imeneyi ndi yothandiza makamaka pamene mukuyesetsa kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana m’banja.

Ngati mungachite zinthu mogwirizana, mukhoza kuthetsa kusakhulupirirana kumene kwawononga ubwenzi wanu. Komabe kuti zimenezi zitheke, nonse awiri muyenera kutsimikiza mtima kuti mukufuna kuteteza ukwati wanu. Koma ngati aliyense atamachita zinthu payekha, zingangowonjezera mavuto ena. Muyenera kumuona mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu ngati mnzanu.

Steve ndi Jodi anaona kuti zimenezi n’zothandiza. Jodi anati: “Panatenga nthawi kuti ubwenzi wathu ubwererenso mwakale, komabe tinayesetsa kuchita zinthu mogwirizana. Ndinatsimikiza kuti sindidzachitanso zomukhumudwitsa. Komanso ngakhale kuti Steve anakhumudwa, anayesetsa kuchita zinthu zothandiza kuti ukwati wathu usathe. Tsiku lililonse ndinkayesetsa kupeza njira zosonyezera kukhulupirika ndipo iye anapitirizabe kundikonda. Ndimamuyamikira kwambiri chifukwa cha zimenezi.”

TAYESANI IZI: Kambiranani ndipo mutsimikizirane kuti muzichita zinthu mogwirizana kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana.

3 Sinthani Zinthu Zina Zomwe Munkachita.

Yesu atachenjeza omvera ake kufunika kopewa chigololo, anawalangiza kuti: “Tsopano ngati diso lako lakumanja limakuchimwitsa, ulikolowole ndi kulitaya.” (Mateyu 5:27-29) Ngati inuyo ndi amene  munapanga zosakhulupirikazo, kodi pali zimene mukuyenera kusintha kuti muteteze banja lanu?

N’zachidziwikire kuti muyenera kusiya kucheza ndi munthu amene munachita naye chigololoyo. * (Miyambo 6:32; 1 Akorinto 15:33) Paul amene tamutchula uja anasintha nthawi yomwe ankagwirira ntchito komanso nambala ya foni n’cholinga chakuti asamagwirenso ntchito ndi sekilitale uja. Komabe zimenezi sizinachititse kuti sekilitaleyo alekeretu kulankhula ndi Paul. Choncho popeza Paul ankafunitsitsa kuti mkazi wake ayambenso kumukhulupirira, anaganiza zongosiya ntchito. Iye anasiyanso kugwiritsa ntchito foni yake ndipo ankangogwiritsa ntchito ya mkazi wake. Kodi zimene anachitazi zinali zothandiza? Mkazi wake, Debbie anati: “Papita zaka 6 koma nthawi zina ndimadabe nkhawa kuti mwina sekilitale uja aimbiranso foni mwamuna wanga. Komabe ndikudziwa kuti Paul sangachitenso chigololo.”

Komanso ngati inuyo ndi amene munachita zosakhulupirika, mungafunike kusintha khalidwe lanu. Mwachitsanzo, mwina munkakonda kuchita zinthu zokopa ena komanso zokhala ngati muli pa chibwenzi ndi munthu wina. Ngati ndi choncho, “vulani umunthu wakale pamodzi ndi ntchito zake.” Yambani kuchita makhalidwe abwino amene angachititse kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu ayambe kukukhulupirirani. (Akolose 3:9, 10) Kodi zimakuvutani kusonyeza chikondi chifukwa cha mmene munaleredwera? Yesetsani kuti muzichita zinthu zosonyeza chikondi kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, ngakhale kuti poyamba zingakuvuteni kuchita zimenezi. Steve ananena kuti: “Nthawi zambiri Jodi ankandigwira dzanja posonyeza chikondi ndipo ankakonda kundiuza kuti ‘Ndimakukonda.’”

Mungachite bwino kudziwitsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu chilichonse chokhudza zinthu zimene mumachita tsiku lililonse. Mi Young ananena kuti: “Chul Soo ankandiuza chilichonse chimene chachitika pa tsikulo ngakhale zinthu zosafunika kwenikweni. Iye ankachita zimenezi pofuna kusonyeza kuti panalibe chimene ankandibisira.”

TAYESANI IZI: Kambiranani zinthu zimene mukuona kuti zingathandize kuti muyambenso kukhulupirirana. Lembani zinthu zimenezi papepala ndipo muzizitsatira. Pa zochita zanu zatsiku ndi tsiku, muikepo zinthu zina zimene mungasangalale kuchitira limodzi.

4 Muyenera Kudziwa Kuti Zimatenga Nthawi Kuti Muyambenso Kukhulupirirana.

Musafulumire kuganiza kuti vutolo latha ndipo mungayambe kukhala ngati mmene munkakhalira poyamba. Lemba la Miyambo 21:5 limachenjeza kuti: “Aliyense wopupuluma, ndithu adzasauka.” Dziwani kuti pangatenge nthawi, mwinanso zaka, kuti muyambenso kukhulupirirana.

Ngati inuyo ndi amene munalakwiridwa, dzipatseni nthawi yokwanira kuti mtima wanu ukhalenso m’malo. Mi Young anati: “Poyamba ndinkaganiza kuti n’zosatheka kuti mkazi asakhululukire mwamuna wake amene wachita chigololo. Ndinkaona ngati palibe chifukwa chokhalira wokhumudwa kwa nthawi yaitali. Koma mwamuna wanga atachita zinthu zosakhulupirika m’pamene ndinazindikira kuti kukhululuka n’kovuta.” Zimatenga nthawi yaitali kuti munthu akhululuke n’kuyambanso kumukhulupirira mnzakeyo.

Komabe lemba la Mlaliki 3:1-3 limanena kuti pali “nthawi yochiritsa.” Poyamba mungaganize kuti ndi bwino kusakambirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mmene mukumvera. Komabe kupitirizabe kuchita zimenezi sikungathandize kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana ndi mnzanuyo. Kuti ukwati wanu uchire, kapena kuti uyambenso kuyenda bwino, yesetsani kumukhululukira mnzanuyo ndipo sonyezani zimenezo mwa kumuuza zakukhosi kwanu. Komanso mulimbikitseni mwamuna kapena mkazi wanuyo kuti azifotokoza zinthu zimene zikumusangalatsa komanso kumudetsa nkhawa.

Pewani kuganizira zinthu zimene zingawonjezere mkwiyo wanu ndipo yesetsani kuchita zinthu zimene zingakuthandizeni kuti musamangokhala wokwiya. (Aefeso 4:32) Kuganizira chitsanzo cha Mulungu kungakuthandizeni. Iye anakhumudwa kwambiri pamene Aisiraeli, omwe anali anthu ake, anamupandukira. Yehova Mulungu anadziyerekezera ndi mwamuna amene mkazi wake wachita zosakhulupirika. (Yeremiya 3:8, 9; 9:2) Koma iye sanakhalebe “wokwiya mpaka kalekale.” (Yeremiya 3:12)  Anthu akewa atalapa n’kubwerera, iye anawakhululukira.

M’kupita kwa nthawi, nonse mukakhutira kuti ukwati wanu wayambanso kuyenda bwino ngati kale, mungayambe kukhala mwamtendere. Ndiyeno, m’malo mongoganizira za mmene mungatetezere ukwati wanu, mungayambe kuganizira za zolinga zina. Komabe, ngakhale pa nthawi imeneyi, muyenera kumapeza nthawi yoonanso mmene ukwati wanu ukuyendera. Si bwino kungotayirira. Choncho, yesetsani kuthetsa mavuto ang’onoang’ono amene angachititse kuti ukwati wanu usamayende bwino ndipo muzichita zinthu zosonyeza kuti ndinu wokhulupirika kwa mnzanuyo.​—Agalatiya 6:9.

TAYESANI IZI: M’malo molimbana n’kuti ukwati wanu ukhale mmene unalili poyamba, ganizirani zimene mungachite kuti mukhale ndi ukwati wolimba.

N’zotheka Kuyambanso Kukhulupirirana

Pamene mukuona kuti simungathe kuteteza ukwati wanu, muyenera kukumbukira kuti Mulungu ndi amene anayambitsa ukwati. (Mateyu 19:4-6) Choncho, iye angakuthandizeni kuti ukwati wanu uziyenda bwino. Anthu onse amene tawatchula m’nkhaniyi anatsatira malangizo a m’Baibulo ndipo anakwanitsa kuteteza ukwati wawo kuti usathe.

Tsopano patha zaka zoposa 20 kuchokera pamene banja la Steve ndi Jodi linasokonekera. Steve anafotokoza zimene zinathandiza kuti ukwati wawo uyambenso kuyenda bwino. Iye anati: “Titayamba kuphunzira Baibulo ndi a Mboni za Yehova m’pamene zinthu zinasintha kwambiri. Zimene tinkaphunzira zinatithandiza kwambiri kuti tipirire pa nthawi yovutayi.” Jodi anati: “Ndimasangalala kwambiri kuti tinakwanitsa kupirira pa nthawi yovutayi. Panopa tili ndi ukwati wabwino chifukwa chophunzira limodzi Baibulo komanso chifukwa choyesetsa kuthetsa mavuto amene tinali nawo.”

^ ndime 3 Mayina tawasintha.

^ ndime 5 Kuti mupeze mfundo zimene zingakuthandizeni pa nkhaniyi, werengani Galamukani! ya May 8, 1999 tsamba 6 ndi ya August 8, 1995 tsamba 10 ndi 11.

^ ndime 17 Ngati nthawi zina zingakhale zovuta kusiyiratu kulankhulana ndi munthu amene munachita naye chigololoyo, mwachitsanzo ngati ndi wogwira naye ntchito, muyenera kumalankhulana naye pa zinthu zokhudza ntchito zokha basi. Zingakhalenso bwino kuti muzilankhula ndi munthuyo pagulu ndipo mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu azidziwa zimenezo.

DZIFUNSENI KUTI . . .

  • Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani ndinasankha kusathetsa ukwati wathu ngakhale kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga anachita chigololo?

  • Kodi ndi makhalidwe abwino ati amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga akusonyeza panopa?

  • Pa nthawi imene tinali pa chibwenzi, kodi ndi zinthu zing’onozing’ono ziti zimene ndinkachita posonyeza mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga chikondi, ndipo panopa ndingatani kuti ndizichitanso zimenezo?