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 Chinsinsi cha Banja Losangalala

Kulankhulana ndi Achinyamata

Kulankhulana ndi Achinyamata

“Poyamba, kulankhulana ndi mwana wathu kunali kosavuta. Koma panopo wafika zaka 16, ndipo ineyo ndi bambo ake omwe sititha kumumvetsa. Iye amangokhala phee m’chipinda chake ndipo sakonda kulankhula nafe.”​—ANATERO MIRIAM, WA KU MEXICO.

“Ana anga ali aang’ono ankamvera chilichonse chimene ndingawauze, mosawiringula ngakhale pang’ono. Koma mmene asinkhukamu asintha kwambiri chifukwa amaona kuti maganizo anga ndi achikale.”​—ANATERO SCOTT, WA KU AUSTRALIA.

NGATI mukulera wachinyamata, mwina inunso mukukumana ndi vuto ngati limeneli. N’kutheka kuti poyamba sizinali zovuta kulankhulana ndi mwana wanu. Koma panopo zikuvuta kwambiri. Mayi wina wa ku Italy, dzina lake Angela, anati: “Mwana wanga ali wamng’ono ankandifunsa mafunso ambirimbiri koma masiku ano, kuti tilankhulane ineyo ndi amene ndimayenera kuyambitsa nkhani. Ndikapanda kuyambitsa nkhani ndiye kuti masiku azingodutsa popanda kukambirana nkhani ina iliyonse.”

Mofanana ndi Angela, mwina inunso mukuona kuti poyamba mwana wanu ankamasuka nanu kwambiri koma pano wasintha ndipo amangokhala duu. Mukayesa kuyambitsa nkhani, iye amangoyankha moti zimuchoke basi. Mukamufunsa kuti: “Lero zayenda bwanji?” Iye amangoti: “Bwino.” Mukamufunsa kuti: “Maphunziro ayenda bwanji lero?” Iye amangoti: “Bwinobwino.” Mukamufunsa kuti: “Bwanji sukulongosola zonse bwinobwino?” Iye amangokhala duu.

N’zoona kuti pali achinyamata ena amene savutika kulankhula maganizo awo. Koma kawirikawiri zimene amalankhula sizikhala zimene makolo awo amafuna kumva. Mayi wina ku Nigeria dzina lake Edna anati: “Ndikauza mwana anga kuti achite zinazake, iye amangoti ‘musandivutitse.’” Ramón yemwe amakhala ku Mexico anati izi ndi zimenenso mwana wake wa zaka 16 amachita. Iye anati: “Ndimakangana ndi mwana wanga tsiku lililonse. Ndikamuuza kuti achite zinazake iye amayamba kupereka zifukwa zoti asachitire zinthuzo.”

Kukambirana ndi wachinyamata amene sakonda zolankhulalankhula n’kovuta. Koma Baibulo limanena kuti, “zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo.” (Miyambo 15:22) Mayi wina wa ku Russia dzina lake Anna anati: “Ndikalephera kumvetsa maganizo a mwana wanga, zimandipweteka kwambiri moti ndimangofuna kulira.” N’chifukwa chiyani makolo amalephera kulankhulana bwino ndi achinyamata ngakhale kuti kulankhulana n’kofunika?

Kudziwa Zimene Zimalepheretsa Kulankhulana

Kulankhulana kwenikweni si kungomuuza munthu zinazake. Yesu ananena kuti “pakamwa pamalankhula zosefukira mu mtima.” (Luka 6:45) Tikamalankhulana bwino ndi munthu timadziwa maganizo ake ndipo timafotokoza zimene zili mumtima mwathu. Koma ana ambiri akayamba kusinkhuka amavutika kufotokoza zimene zili mumtima mwawo chifukwa panthawiyi amakhala a manyazi kwambiri. Akatswiri ena ananena kuti achinyamata amangoona ngati  kuti nthawi iliyonse anthu amakhala akungowalondalonda kuti aone zolakwa zawo. Ndipo pofuna kuti anthu asatulukire maganizo awo, iwo amangokhala duu ndipo makolo amavutika kuti awamvetse.

Achinyamata amafuna kuti azichita zinthu zina paokha ndipo izi zimachititsanso kuti kulankhulana nawo kukhale kovuta. Izi n’zosapeweka chifukwa wachinyamatayo amakhala akukula ndipo panthawi ina adzakhala payekha. Komabe sikuti mwana akamachita zinthu zina payekha, ndiye kuti akhoza kukhala payekha bwinobwino. Nthawi zambiri angafunikebe thandizo lanu. Ngakhale zili choncho, mtima wofuna kuchita zinthu payekha umayamba mwamsanga, mwina adakali wamng’ono. Achinyamata akamakula amakonda kuganiza okha zochita pankhani iliyonse asanauze munthu wina.

Mayi wina wa ku Mexico dzina lake Jessica anaona kuti achinyamata akakhala ndi anzawo sabisirana nkhani. Iye anati: “Pamene mwana wanga wamkazi anali wamng’ono ankandiuza mavuto ake onse. Koma masiku ano akakhala ndi vuto amakauza anzake.” Ngati mwana wanu amachita zimenezi musaone ngati samakuwerengerani. Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti ngakhale kuti achinyamata amakonda kuuza anzawo mavuto awo, iwo amadalira kwambiri malangizo a makolo awo. Ndiyeno, kodi mungatani kuti kulankhulana ndi ana anu achinyamata kukhale kosavuta?

Kuthana ndi Zinthu Zolepheretsa Kulankhulana

Tayerekezani kuti mukuyenda pagalimoto pamsewu woongoka kwambiri ndipo mwayenda mtunda wautali popanda kukhota. Ndiyeno mwadzidzidzi mwafika pa kona. Kuti galimoto isasiye msewu m’pofunika kuikhotetsa. Izi n’zofanana ndi kulera ana amene akusinkhuka. N’kutheka kuti kwa zaka zambiri mwakhala mukulankhulana ndi mwana wanuyo popanda vuto lililonse. Koma popeza iye wasintha chifukwa cha kusinkhuka, nanunso mufunika kusintha njira yolankhulira ndi mwanayo. Choncho, dzifunseni mafunso otsatirawa.

‘Kodi ndimakhala wokonzeka kulankhulana ndi mwana wanga panthawi imene akufuna kuti tikambirane zinazake?’ Baibulo limati: “Mawu oyenera a pa nthawi yake akunga zipatso zagolidi m’nsengwa zasiliva.” (Miyambo 25:11) Malinga ndi zimene lembali likunena, tifunika kuona nthawi yolankhulira. Mwachitsanzo, mlimi sangafulumize kapena kuchedwetsa nthawi yokolola. Iye afunika kuyamba kukolola nthawiyo ikafika. Mwana wanu angakhale ndi nthawi imene angafotokoze bwino maganizo ake. Nthawiyo ikafika igwiritseni ntchito. Mayi wina wa ku Australia dzina lake Frances akulera yekha ana ndipo anati: “Nthawi zambiri mwana wanga wamkazi amabwera kuchipinda changa usiku kuti ticheze, ndipo mwina timacheza kwa ola lathunthu. Ine sindikonda kugona mochedwa choncho sizikhala zophweka kulankhulana naye nthawi imeneyo komabe timatha kukambirana nkhani zonse.”

TAYESANI IZI: Ngati mwana wanu akuoneka kuti sakonda zolankhulalankhula, yesani kuchita naye zinthu zina monga kupita naye kokayenda, kuchita naye masewera enaake kapena kugwira naye ntchito zina zapakhomo. Nthawi zambiri kuchita zimenezi kumathandiza kuti wachinyamata amasuke n’kuyamba kulankhula maganizo ake.

‘Kodi ndimamvetsa tanthauzo la zimene akunena?’ Lemba la Yobu 12:11 (Malembo Oyera) limati: “Kodi khutu silizindikira mawu? Kodi m’kamwa simulawa zakudya?” Mosiyana ndi poyamba, muyenera ‘kuzindikira’ tanthauzo lenileni la zimene mwana wanu akunena. Achinyamata amakonda kukokomeza kwambiri zinthu moti akamafotokoza vuto linalake amalankhula ngati kuti limachitika nthawi zonse. Mwachitsanzo, mwana wanu anganene kuti: “Inu nthawi zonse mumanditenga ngati kamwana.” Kapena kuti: “Simumandimvetsa kuyambira kale.” M’malo molimbana ndi mawu amene wanena akuti “nthawi zonse” kapena akuti “kuyambira kale,” ndi bwino kudziwa zimene mwanayo akutanthauza. Mwachitsanzo mawu akuti “Inu nthawi zonse mumanditenga ngati kamwana,” angatanthauze kuti “Ndikuona kuti simumandikhulupirira.” Ndipo mawu akuti “Simumandimvetsa kuyambira kale,” angatanthauze  kuti “Ndikufuna kukuuzani mmene ndikumvera.” Yesetsani kumvetsa tanthauzo la zimene mwana wanu akunena.

TAYESANI IZI: Ngati mwana wanuyo walankhula mawu enaake mwaukali, yesani kunena kuti: “Ndikuona kuti wakhumudwa. Tandiuza bwinobwino vuto lako. N’chifukwa chiyani ukuona kuti ndimakutenga ngati kamwana?” Mukatero muyenera kumvetsera popanda kum’dula mawu.

‘Kodi kukambirana kumavuta chifukwa choti ndimamukakamiza kuti alankhule?’ Baibulo limati: “Chilungamo ndicho chipatso cha mbewu zimene anthu odzetsa mtendere amafesa mu mtendere.” (Yakobe 3:18) Mawu anu komanso khalidwe lanu zizichititsa kuti pakhale “mtendere” ndipo wachinyamatayo azimasuka kulankhula. Kumbukirani kuti inu ndi amene muyenera kuthandiza wachinyamatayo. Motero pokambirana naye musamupanikize ndi mafunso ngati kukhoti. Bambo wina wa ku Korea dzina lake Ahn ananena kuti kholo lanzeru silinganene mawu monga akuti, “Kodi iwe udzakula liti?” kapena kuti “Ndakuuza kangati zimenezi?” Iye anapitiriza kuti: “Ine ndakhala ndikuchita zimenezi ndipo ndinkalakwitsa kwambiri. Ndinazindikira kuti ana anga ankakwiya ndi mmene ndinkalankhulira komanso zimene ndinkalankhula.”

TAYESANI IZI: Ngati mwana wanu sakonda kuyankha mafunso, yesani njira ina. Mwachitsanzo, m’malo momufunsa mmene zinthu zayendera tsikulo, yambani ndinu kumuuza mmene zinthu zayendera ndiyeno onani ngati angayankhepo kapena ayi. Kuti mumve maganizo a mwana wanu pankhani inayake, ndi bwino kumufunsa m’njira yoti asaone kuti mukufuna mumve maganizo ake. Mungamufunse mmene anzake amaonera nkhaniyo. Kenako n’kumufunsa kuti anene malangizo amene angawapatse anzakewo.

N’zotheka ndithu kulankhulana bwinobwino ndi achinyamata. Chofunika ndi kusintha njira zolankhulira malinga ndi mmene zinthu zilili. Ndi bwino kufunsira nzeru kwa makolo ena amene alera bwino achinyamata. (Miyambo 11:14) Pokambirana ndi mwana wanu wachinyamata muzikhala “wofulumira kumva, wodekha polankhula, wosafulumira kukwiya.” (Yakobe 1:19) Koposa zonse musatope poyesetsa kulera ana anu “m’malango a Yehova ndi kuwaphunzitsa kalingaliridwe kake.”​—Aefeso 6:4.

DZIFUNSENI KUTI . . .

  • Kodi mwana wanga wasintha zinthu ziti pamene akukula?

  • Kodi ndingatani kuti ndizikambirana bwinobwino zinthu ndi mwana wanga?