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IsiThala (Esifundwa Ebandleni)  |  Matjhi 2014

Indlela Yokutlhogomela Ababelethi Bethu Abalupheleko

Indlela Yokutlhogomela Ababelethi Bethu Abalupheleko

“Bantwana, asingabi nethando ngamezwi namkha ngekulumo kodwana ngeqiniso nangezenzo.”—1 JWA. 3:18.

1, 2. (a) Ngiziphi iintjhijilo imindeni eminengi eqalana nazo, begodu ziphakamisa miphi imibuzo? (b) Ababelethi nabantwababo bangaqalana njani neentjhijilo zokuluphala?

KUBUHLUNGU ukwazi bona ababelethi bethu ebebaqinile, basondla, angekhe basakghona ukuzitlhogomela bona. Kungenzeka uMmakho namkha uBabakho wathi nakathi wenza okuthileko wawa wafahlaka inyonga, mhlamunye nengqondo ayisathathi kuhle, namkha usahlelwe yisindabelaphi. Ngakelinye ihlangothi, kungaba budisi emuntwini olupheleko ukwamukela bona amathambo awasavumi, izinto ebekazenza asesemutjha ngekhe asakghona ukuzenza gadesi. (Job. 14:1) Kwenziwani-ke nasekunje? Batlhogonyelwa njani nasebanje?

2 Esinye isihloko esikhuluma ngokutlhogonyelwa kwabalupheleko sathi: “Khona kubudisi ukudemba indaba yokuluphala, kodwana nange umndeni ungahlala phasi, ucoce, uvumelane ngeendlela zokubatlhogomela, ungakghona ukuqalana nananyana ngibuphi ubudisi obungavela.” Ingcoco enjengaleyo ingaba nomphumela omuhle nange singazwisisa ukuthi akughonakali bona singagegeda iinlingo ezikhambisana nokuluphala. Nanyana kunjalo, singakghona ukwenza amalungiselelo wokubatlhogomela, sithathe neenqunto ezihlakaniphileko. Yeke, akhesitjhuke yokuthi imindeni ingabatlhogomela njani ababelethi abalupheleko.

 UKUHLELA “KUNGAKAFIKI IMIHLA EMIMBI”

3. Umndeni ungawuhlanganyela njani umthwalo wokutlhogomela ababelethi abalupheleko? (Qala isithombe esisekuthomeni.)

3 Kufika isikhathi lapho inengi labalupheleko lingasakghoni ukuzenzela khona; ngobunjalo-ke, kufuze batlhogonyelwe. (Funda umTjhumayeli 12:1-7.) Nebangasakwazi ukuzenzela nje, kutjho ukuthi abantwababo abakhulileko kufuze baphume etlheni lokuthi batlhogonyelwa njani ngendlela engcono. Kungaba kuhle khulu nange umndeni ungaba nomhlangano, kuhlanganiswe iinhloko, kudenjwe yokuthi kubanjiswana njani, nokuthi kwenziwa njani-ke nasekunje. Ababandakanyekileko, khulukhulu ababelethi, kufuze babeke amazizwabo etafuleni, baveze woke amaqiniso. Kungakhulunywa nangokuthi kungenziwani bona batlhogonyelwe basemizinabo. * Kungacocwa ngokuthi iinhlobo zisingafaka njani isandla, kubanjiswane umthwalo lo. (IzA. 24:6) Abanye bangakghona ukubatlhogomela qobe langa, abanye babatlhogomele ngamatjheleni. Woke umuntu kufuze afake isandla; kodwana, umthwalo loyo ungatjhuguluka ekukhambeni kwesikhathi, ngebangelo-ke kufuze kudlhegwane ngomthwalo lo.

4. Amalunga womndeni angalifumana kuphi isizo?

4 Njengombana uthoma ukutlhogomela, funda koke ongakufunda ngobujamo umbelethakho akibo. Nengabe uphethwe bulwelwe obumudla kancani kancani, funda ngemiphumela ubulwelobu obungaba nayo ngomuso. (IzA. 1:5) Thintane nebakwarhulumende ufune imininingwana enabileko ngokutlhogonyelwa kwabalupheleko. Ungakhohlwa nokufuna iintlabagelo ezinikelwa umphakathi bona utlhogomele abalupheleko, lokho kuzokwenza umthwalo lo ube bulula. Ukutjhuguluka kobujamo emndenini otlhogomelako, kungawenza uhlangahlangane—uzizwe udiniwe, uhlale uthukiwe, bewutjharagane nemoyeni. Nekunjalo, thululela isifuba sakho emnganinakho omthembako. Ngaphezu kwakho koke, thululela ihliziywakho kuJehova. Angakwenza uzole engqondweni, ukghone nokuqalana nobujamobu.—Rhu. 55:23, [55:22, NW]; IzA. 24:10; Flp. 4:6, 7.

5. Kubayini kuhlakaniphile ukuqongelela imininingwana isikhathi sisavuma endabeni yokutlhogomela abalupheleko?

5 Abanye babantu abalupheleko nemindenabo baqongelela imininingwana yokutlhogonyelwa kusesenesikhathi—njengokuthi kunjani ukuhlala nomntwanakho okhulileko, zisetjenziswa njani iintlabagelo zokutlhogomela abalupheleko nokuthi ngimaphi amathuba wokutlhogonyelwa akhona emphakathini. Nange benza njalo, bangakghona ukubona “ubuhle” bendaba le ‘nobudisi’ bayo. (Rhu. 90:10) Nengabe imindeni iyaliselela ingahleli, kuzokufika isikhathi la izokukateleleka khona bona yenze iinqunto sibhudubhudu, kulapho-ke izinto ziba yinyakanyaka khona. Nasekunjalo “kuzabe kubudisi ukuthatha iinqunto ezinjengalezi” kutjho omunye usiyazi. Ubujamo nasebunjalo, izinto ziba maphorodlha, uthole amalunga womndeni selaqalene ngelihlo lokutheza, kuliwe nangabe kuyaliwa. Yeke, ukuhlela izinto kusesenesikhathi, kwenza kube bulula ukulungisa la kutlhogeka khona, kwehlise nokutshwenyeka.—IzA. 20:18.

Umndeni ungahlanganisa iinhloko ukhulume ngokuthi bangatlhogonyelwa njani abalupheleko (Qala iingaba 6-8)

6. Ukukhulumisana phakathi kwababelethi nabantwababo ngendawo yokuhlala kuzuzisa ngani?

6 Kesinye isikhathi kungenzeka uzizwe ungakakhululeki ukukhuluma nababelethi bakho ukuthi kufuze bathuthe la bebahlala khona baye kwenye indawo. Kodwana inengi lijama kwelokuthi ukukhulumisana kunemiphumela emihle. Kubayini kunjalo? Ngoba lokho kubanikela ithuba lokwenza amaplani kusesekuhle, abantu basazwisisana. Bayalemuka bona ukukhulumisana kusesenesikhathi, okwenziwa ngendlela enethando nomusa, kwenza ukuthatha iinqunto  kube bulula. Ngitjho nanyana abalupheleko bafuna ukuzenzela abakufunako, ukukhulumisana nabantwababo kungenza bona nange izinto zitjhiphirika batlhogonyelwe ngokwalokho abakufunako.

7, 8. Ngiziphi izinto eziqakathekileko umndeni ongacoca ngazo, begodu kubayini kufuze ucoce ngazo?

7 Babelethi, khuphani koke okungendeni nenikhulumisana nabantwabenu, nibatjele lokho enikufisako, ukuthi kungangani enikubekileko, nalokho enikukhethako. Koke lokho kuzonenza nithathe igadango elihlakaniphileko nekungenzeka izinto zikhambe maphorodlha. Abantwana bazozihlonipha iimfiso zenu baninikele ithuba lokuzenzela enikufunako ngendlela abangakghona ngayo. (Efe. 6:2-4) Ngokwesibonelo, kghani ulindele bona abantwana bakho bakuthathe uyokuhlala kwabo, namkha kukhona la ufuna ukuhlala khona? Kufuze nazi ukuthi abantu abayi ngahlanye njengamanzi, yeke kungamthatha isikhathi eside omunye ukuthi abone izinto ngendlelakho—kungakhathaliseki bona umbelethi namkha umntwana.

8 Woke umuntu kufuze azwisise kuhle bona imiraro eminengi ingagegedwa nange kukhulunyiswana, nezinto zihlelwa kuhle. (IzA. 15:22) Lokho kuhlanganisa nokukhulumisana ngendaba yokwelatjhwa. Amaphuzu asekaradeni leengazi nawo kufuze afakwe engcocweni le. Omunye nomunye umuntu unelungelo lokwazi ukuthi uzokulatjwa njani, nokuthi uyayimukela na indlela azokulatjhwa ngayo. Zoke iimfiso zakhe ngendaba le uzozitlola ekaradeni lakhe leengazi. Yeke, nabakhetha umuntu ozobajamela kwezamaphilo (nengabe lokho kuyamukeleka enarheni abahlala kiyo) kufuze bamthembe ukuthi uzokwenza iinqunto ngokweemfiso zabo. Ababakhethakwabo nabanye ababandakanyekileko kufuze babe namakhophi wawo woke amaphepha ukwenzela bona bazowasebenzisa nekuvela ubujamo obumaphorodlha. Abanye bathatha amaphepha layo bawahlanganise namaphepha wetjhorensi, wamafa, weemali, wemininingwana karhulumende, namanye nanjengalawo.

UKUQALANA NOBUJAMO OBUTJHUGULUKAKO

9, 10. Ngimaphi amatjhuguluko epilweni yalowo olupheleko angathinta nepilo yomtlhogomeli?

9 Esikhathini esinengi, abantwana neenzukulu zabo kufuze banikele ugogo nomkhulu ithuba lokuzenzela abakufunako, nalokho abakghona ukukwenza. Kungenzeka bayakghona ukuziphekela, ukuzihlwengisela indlwabo, bazithathele imitjhogabo, bebakhulumisane ngaphandle kwemiraro. Ngokwenza njalo bangaqinisekisa abantababo bona akutlhogeki batshwenyeke khulu ngokubasiza qobe langa. Njengombana isikhathi sikhamba, kungenzeka abantu abadala baphathwe madolo, kube budisi ukukhamba, bangasakghoni ukuya ngemavikilini, namkha balahlekelwe mkhumbulo. Nekunjalo, kulapho-ke abantwana okufuze babasize khona.

10 Kwesinye isikhathi bayatjharagana, bazimotjhele, iindlebe zivaleke, bangasaboni,  bangasakhumbuli izinto ngebanga lokuluphala, nange kuvela imiraro enjengale, kufuze batlhogonyelwe khudlwana. Nengabe kuvela obujamo obunjengalobu kuhle ukuthintana nabezamaphilo. Lokho kufuze kwenziwe bantwababo. Kobunye ubujamo, abantwana bangathoma benze imisebenzi ebeyenziwa babelethi babo mathupha. Nebazakuthuthukisa indlela abatlhogomela ngayo ababelethi babo, abantwana kufuze babe bajameleli, abomabhalani, nabathuthi babo, njalo njalo.—IzA. 3:27.

11. Kungenziwani bona kuqalanwe nokutjhuguluka kobujamo?

11 Nengabe umraro wababelethi uyabhebhedlha, kungenziwa amatjhuguluko endabeni yokutlhogonyelwa kwabo, nendawo yabo yokuhlala. Kuba bulula nange kufuze kwenziwe amatjhuguluko amancani. Nangabe uhlala kude nababelethi bakho, kungaba kuhle nawungathumela omunye uFakazi ohlala eduze nabo ukuthi ahlale abaphose ilihlo, bese anithinte. Kghani kufuze baphekelwe na? Kghani kutlhogeka bona kulungiswe la bahlala khona, khona bazakwazi ukutjhaphuluka, bahlambe bulula, nokhunye okunjalo? Mhlamunye ababelethi abalupheleko batlhoga ukunikelwa ithuba lokuzikhethela ukuthi bayafuna na ukuhlala endaweni enomnakekeli wabalupheleko. Nanyana kunjalo, nengabe kuyingozi ukuhlala babodwa, kutjho ukuthi bazokutlhoga umuntu ozobanakekela mlibe. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bunjani ubujamo, hlala phasi uhlolisise iindlela ezisetjenziswa mphakathi bona utlhogomele abalupheleko. *Funda izAga 21:5.

INDLELA ABANYE ABAQALANA NGAYO NEENTJHILO ZOKUTLHOGOMELA ABALUPHELEKO

12, 13. Abantwana abahlala kude babahlonipha bebabatlhogomele njani ababelethi babo?

12 Abantwana abanethando benza koke abangakwenza bona ababelethi babo bahlale kamnandi. Ukwazi ukuthi ababelethi babo bahlezi kuhle, kwehlisa amaphaphu ebantwaneni babo. Ngebanga elithileko, abanye bahlala kude nababelethi babo. Ebujamweni obunjalo, abanye bathatha amalangabo welifu, babavakatjhele, babatlhogomele nangezinto abangakghoni ukuzenza. Hlala ubadosela umtato—qobe langa nekukghonekako—ubatlolele incwadi, namkha ama-email, ubaqinisekise bona uyabathanda.—IzA. 23:24, 25.

13 Kungakhathaliseki bona ubujamo bunjani, indlela yangamalanga yokutlhogomela ababelethi bakho kufuze ihlaziywe. Nengabe uhlala kude nabo, begodu ababelethi bakho baboFakazi bakaJehova ungakhuluma nabadala bebandla labo, ubabuze bona ngiyiphi indlela engcono abayinyulako. Ungakhohlwa-ke ukuthandazela indaba le. (Funda izAga 11:14.) Ngitjho nanyana ababelethi bakho bangasiboFakazi, kusafuze ‘wazise uyihlo nonyoko.’ (Eks. 20:12; IzA. 23:22) Kuyazwisiseka ukuthi akukghonakali bona yoke imindeni ithathe isiqunto esifanako. Eminye inyula ukuhlala nababelethi abalupheleko. Kodwana eminye ingakhetha ngenye indlela. Abanye ababelethi abafuni ukuhlala nabantwababo neenzukulu ngebanga lokungafuni ukuba mthwalo kibo. Kanti abanye nokho banawo amatjheleni wokubhadelela abantu abangabatlhogomela ekhaya labo.—UmTj. 7:12.

14. Othwele umthwalo wokutlhogomela olupheleko angaba namiphi imiraro?

14 Emindenini eminengi, umthwalo wokutlhogomela ababelethi abalupheleko uvame ukuba semahlombe womntwana munye, mhlamunye ngebanga lokuthi uhlala eduze nababelethi bakhe. Yeke, umtlhogomeli kufuze alinganisele phakathi kokunakekela ababelethi bakhe nokunakekela umndenakhe. Woke umuntu unesikhathi, namandla alinganiselweko. Kwabujamo bomtlhogomeli bungatjhuguluka, bumenze abuyekeze indlela ebekatlhogomela ngayo abalupheleko. Kghani lilunga lomndeni linye kwaphela elithwele woke umthwalo wokutlhogomela  abalupheleko? Kuthiwani ngabanye abantwana, bangakghona na ukudlhegana ngokutlhogomela olupheleko?

15. Kungenziwani bona loyo otlhogomela abalupheleko angadinwa?

15 Nange umbelethi olupheleko atlhoga isikhathi esinengi bona atlhogonyelwe, loyo omnakekelako uphela amandla. (UmTj. 4:6) Kuyazwisiseka bona umntwana obathanda kwamambala ababelethi bakhe wenza koke angakwenza bona abatlhogomele, kodwana kungaba budisi ukusolo utjheja iintlhogo ezingapheli zolupheleko. Yeke, nange abatlhogomeli bazifumana sele badiniwe, kufuze balemuke bona akukghonakali ukuthi benze yoke into, ngebangelo-ke kufuze bafune isizo. Ukuthola isizo langamalanga kungakhandela bona abalupheleko bangagcini sele basemakhaya wokutlhogomela abalupheleko womphakathi kungakahlelwa kuhle.

16, 17. Ngiziphi iintjhijilo abantwana abatlhogomela ababelethi abalupheleko abangaqalana nazo, begodu bakwenza njani lokho? (Qala ibhoksi elithi “Kuthabele Ukutlhogomela Ababelethi Bakho Abalupheleko.”)

16 Kuzwisa ubuhlungu ukubona ababelethi bafuthelwa ngebanga lokuluphala. Inengi labatlhogomeli lingazizwa lidanile, litshwenyekile, likwatile namkha limlandu. Kwesinye isikhathi, abaluphelekwaba bangakhuluma izinto ezingayi ngandlela, ezinganamusa nezingatjengisi ukuthokoza. Nangabe lokho kuyenzeka, ungazithatheli ehloko izinto abazikhulumako. Omunye osisazi somkhumbulo uthi: “Indlela engcono yokuqalana nananyana ngimaphi amazizo angakalungi, kukwamukela indlela ozizwa ngayo. Lisa ukuzahlulela ngokuthi kubayini uzizwa njalo.” Khuluma nomkakho namkha ubabakwakho, ilunga lomndeni, namkha umngani omthembako ngendlela ozizwa ngayo. Imikhulumiswano enjalo ingakwenza uhlaziye amazizwakho.

17 Kuyenzeka kube nesikhathi lapho kuphela izinto ezisiza ekutlhogomeleni ababelethi abahlala ekhaya. Kulapho-ke kungacatjangelwa ikhaya labalupheleko. Omunye udade omKrestu bekavakatjhela ummakhe osekhayeni labalupheleko qobe langa. Uthi nakakhuluma ngomndenakhe: “Besesingasakghoni ukutlhogomela uMma ilanga loke. Nokuqunta bona aye ekhaya labalupheleko bekubudisi. Ayikho into ekheyaba budisi ngendlela le emazizwenethu. Kodwana sabona kungcono khulu bona aphile amalangakhe wokugcina asekhaya labalupheleko, naye wavuma ukuya lapho.”

18. Ngiziphi izinto umtlhogomeli angaqiniseka ngazo?

18 Umthwalo wokutlhogomela ababelethi bakho ungaba budisi utjharaganise namazizwakho. Akunamthetho wokuthi ngiyiphi indlela efaneleko yokutlhogomela abalupheleko. Nanyana kunjalo, ukuhlela izinto kuhle, ukubambisana nokukhulumisana, nomthandazo, kungenza umthwalo wokutlhogomela esibathandako ube bulula. Ngokwenza njalo, ungahlala wanelisekile ngokwazi ukuthi ababelethi bakho batlhogonyelwa kuhle. (Funda 1 Korinte 13:4-8.) Okuqakatheke kunakho koke, qiniseka bona uzokuba nokuthula newazi ukuthi uJehova ubabusisa boke abahlonipha ababelethi babo.—Flp. 4:7.

^ isig. 3 Ukuthi ababelethi nabantwababo bakhethani endabeni le, kuzokuya ngesiko lendawo. Kwezinye iindawo, kwamukelekile ukuthi amalunga womndeni aneenzukulwana ezihlukahlukeneko ahlale emzini munye bona bakghone ukuthintana ngobuduze.

^ isig. 11 Nengabe ababelethi bakho basahlala ekhaya, qiniseka ukuthi labo ababatlhogomelako baneelodlhelo zala bahlala khona ukwenzela bona nekuvela ubujamo obumaphorodlha bakghone ukubasiza.