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OKUNCEDA IMULI | UKUKHULISA ABANTWANA

Ukudivosa Kuyabalimaza Abantwana

Ukudivosa Kuyabalimaza Abantwana

Abanye abantu abatshadileyo abangasazwanani bacabanga ukuthi ukudivosa kungavikela abantwababo kulokuthi bahlale labazali abatshona bexabana. Kodwa kuliqiniso yini lokhu?

 Ukudivosa kubalimaza njani abantwana?

Ukuhlolisisa okwenziweyo kutshengisa ukuthi ukudivosa kuyabalimaza kakhulu abantwana. Abantwana abalabazali abadivosileyo bajayele:

  • ukuba lolaka, lokukhathazeka kanye lokuhlulukelwa

  • ukwenza izinto ezibalimazayo lezizwisa abanye ubuhlungu

  • ukufeyila esikolo futhi bacina betshiya isikolo

  • ukuhlala begula njalonje

Kanti njalo abantwana bayabe sebezisola becabanga ukuthi yibo ababangela ukuthi abazali babo badivose njalo bebona angathi kwakumele benze okuthile ukuze abazali babo bangadivosi.

Inhlupho abantwana laba abahlangana lazo ziyaqhubeka baze bakhule, bacina sebehlutshwa yikuzikhangelela phansi lokungathembi abanye futhi bacina sebedivosa nxa sebelenhlupho emulini zabo.

Umcijo yilo: Lanxa abanye abantu abafuna ukudivosa becabanga ukuthi lokho kuzabanceda abantwababo, ukuhlolisisa okwenziweyo kutshengisa ukuthi lokho akusiloqiniso. Enye ingcitshi okuthiwa nguPenelope Leach ebona ngokunakekelwa kwabantwana yabhala yathi: “Ukudivosa kwenza abantwana baphile nzima kakhulu.” *

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Lingaqakathekisi lokho okufunwa yini kuphela kodwa liqakathekise lalokho okufunwa ngabanye.”—KwabaseFiliphi 2:4.

 Umntanami uzathokoza yini nxa ngingadivosa?

Abanye bacabanga njalo. Kodwa akumelanga sikhohlwe ukuthi lokho okufunwa ngumntwana lokufunwa ngumzali kutshiyene. Umuntu osefuna ukudivosa uyabe esefuna ukuqala kutsha. Kodwa umntwana uyabe elokhu efuna ukuqhubeka ehlala lonina loyise bebonke kungelani lokuthi izimo zinjani.

Abalobi bebhuku elithi, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce bathi sebehlolisise imuli ezinengi ezidivosileyo bathi: “Okusegcekeni yikuthi abantwana bayabe besele bengajabuli. Abantwana esaxoxa labo bathi, ‘Abazali bethu bathi bedivosa intokozo yethu yahle yatshabalala.’” Ibhuku leli liqhubeka lisithi abantwana laba sebebona umhlaba “uyindawo eyingozi, akuselamuntu abangamthemba ngoba abantu ababebathanda babatshiya egcekeni.”

Umcijo yilo: Akwenzakali ukuthi abantwana bathokoze nxa abazali babo sebedivosile.

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Umoya owephukileyo womisa amathambo.”—IZaga 17:22.

 Kuyanceda yini ukunikana amazopho okukhulisa umntwana nxa sengidivosile?

Abanye abantu abadivosileyo bayanikana amazopho okukhulisa abantwababo ukuze bangabuzwa ubuhlungu balokho okwenzakeleyo. Kodwa lokhu kunzima kakhulu. Ukuhlolisisa okwenziweyo kutshengisa ukuthi abazali abadivosileyo bajayele:

  • Ukungaziniki isikhathi sokuba labantwana

  • Ukunika abantwana imithetho etshiyeneyo

  • Ukuyekelela abantwana ngenxa yokuthi bayabe bezisola kumbe bediniwe

Abanye abantwana babazali abadivosileyo bacina bengamahlongandlebe. Phela bona abazali babo bayabe behlulekile ukuhlala bonke, ukuthembeka lokugcina izithembiso. ‘Umntwana uyabe esezitshela ukuthi ngiyabalalela ngithini abantu abanjalo.’

Umcijo yilo: Ukunikana amazopho okukhulisa umntwana nxa udivosile kunzima kakhulu njalo kwenza impilo yomntwana ibenzima.

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Lingabazondisi abantwabenu ukuze bangadani.”—KwabaseKholose 3:21.

 Ikhona yini indlela engcono?

Izikhathi ezinengi amacebo umuntu acabanga ukuthi uzawasebenzisa esedivosile kungcono ukuwasebenzisa ukulungisa umtshado. Ibhuku elithi The Case for Marriage lithi, “Abanengi bacabanga ukuthi nxa umtshado usulenhlupho awusaphindi ulunge kodwa umcabango lo unxele. “Ngokuya kwesikhathi abantu abatshadileyo ababexabana bacina sebethokoza.” Iqiniso elikhona yikuthi abantwana bayathokoza nxa abazali beqhubeka behlala bonke.

Lokhu akutsho ukuthi ukudivosa kubi. IBhayibhili liyavuma ukuthi umuntu adivose nxa omunye wakhe efebile. (UMathewu 19:9) Kodwa liyasitshela lokuthi “olengqondo uyakucabangisisa konke akwenzayo.” (IZaga 14:15) Ngakho indoda lomfazi abahluphanayo emtshadweni kumele bacabangisise bengakadivosi, bazibuze lokuthi abafuna ukukwenza kuzabaphatha njani abantwababo.

Kodwa umuntu akumelanga aphongubekezelela uhlupho ehlezi nje esithi luzaphela. IBhayibhili lilamacebo amahle anganceda amadoda labesifazane ukuthi babe lobuntu obuhle obungenza bathokoze emitshadweni yabo. Kodwa akumangalisi lokhu ngoba iBhayibhili labhalwa nguJehova, yena owasungula umtshado.—UMathewu 19:4-6.

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Mina nginguJehova uNkulunkulu wakho okufundisa lokho okuhle kakhulu kuwe.”—U-Isaya 48:17.

^ indima 9 Ebhukwini lakhe elithi, Your Growing Child—From Babyhood Through Adolescence.