Young People Ask
Will Sex Improve Our Relationship?
Heather has been seeing Mike for only two months, but she feels as if she’s known him forever. They text each other constantly, they talk for hours at a time on the phone, and they can even finish each other’s sentences! But now, as they sit in a parked car under the moonlight, Mike wants more than conversation.
During the past two months, Mike and Heather have done nothing more than hold hands and briefly kiss. Heather doesn’t want to go further. But she doesn’t want to lose Mike either. No one makes her feel so beautiful, so special. ‘Besides,’ she tells herself, ‘Mike and I are in love, . . . aren’t we?’
YOU can probably guess where this scenario is heading. But what you may not realize is how dramatically sex would change things for Mike and Heather—and not for the better. Consider:
If you defy a physical law, such as the law of gravity, you suffer the consequences. The same is true if you defy a moral law, such as the one that states: “Abstain from fornication.” * (1 Thessalonians 4:3) What are the consequences of disobeying that command? The Bible says: “He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18) How is that true? See if you can list below three harmful effects that can come to those who engage in premarital sex.
Now look at what you wrote. Did you include such things as sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, or the loss of God’s favor? Those certainly are devastating consequences that can come to anyone who violates God’s moral law regarding fornication.
Still, you might be tempted. ‘Nothing will happen to me,’ you could reason. After all, isn’t everyone having sex? Your peers at school brag about their escapades, and they don’t seem to be hurting. Perhaps, like Heather in the opening scenario, you even feel that sex will make you and your partner closer. Besides, who wants to be ridiculed for being a virgin? Isn’t it better to give in?
Not so fast! First of all, not everyone is doing it. True, you may read statistics indicating that an alarming number of youths are having sex. For example, a U.S. study revealed that by the time they finish high school, 2 out of 3 youths in that country are sexually active. But that also means that 1 out of 3—a sizable number—is not. Now, what about those who are? Researchers have found that many such youths experience one or more of the following rude awakenings.
Rude Awakening #1: DISTRESS. Most youths who have engaged in premarital sex say that they regretted it afterward.
Rude Awakening #2: DISTRUST. After having sex, each partner begins to wonder, ‘Who else has he/she had sex with?’
Rude Awakening #3: DISLOYALTY. After having sex, a boy is more likely to dump his girlfriend and move on to someone else.
Rude Awakening #4: DISILLUSIONMENT. Deep down, a girl would have preferred someone who would protect her, not use her.
In addition to the above, consider this: Many boys have said that they would never marry a girl they have had sex with. Why? Because they prefer someone who is more chaste!
Does that surprise you—perhaps even anger you? If so, whether you are a girl or a boy, remember this: The reality of premarital sex is far different from what is shown in movies and on TV. The entertainment industry glamorizes teen sex and makes it look like true love. But don’t be naive! Those who would try to coax you into premarital sex are only looking out for their own interests. (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) After all, would anyone who truly loves you endanger your physical and emotional well-being? (Proverbs 5:3, 4) And would anyone who truly cares for you tempt you to jeopardize your relationship with God?—Hebrews 13:4.
The fact is, if you give in to premarital sex, you are degrading yourself by giving away something of precious value. (Romans 1:24) No wonder so many feel empty and worthless afterward, as if they’ve carelessly allowed a precious part of themselves to be stolen! Don’t let that happen to you. If someone tries to coax you into sex by saying, “If you loved me, you’d do this,” firmly reply, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask!”
Your body is far too valuable to give away. Show that you have the strength of character to obey God’s command to abstain from fornication. Then, if you do marry one day, you can have sex. And you’ll be able to enjoy it fully, without the worries, regrets, and insecurities that are so often the aftermath of premarital sex.—Proverbs 7:22, 23; 1 Corinthians 7:3.
More articles from the “Young People Ask” series can be found at the Web site www.watchtower.org/ype
^ par. 6 The Bible term “fornication” includes not only intercourse but also other acts between unmarried individuals, such as fondling the genitals of another person or engaging in oral or anal sex. For more information, see Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 2, pages 42-47.
TO THINK ABOUT
● Although premarital sex may appeal to the imperfect flesh, why is it wrong for you?
● What will you do if someone asks you to have sex?
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WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY
“Just saying no does not stop the person asking from trying again. It’s how you refuse. If you meekly say no but sound indecisive, it will be obvious. You need to be firm!”
“Just saying no doesn’t always work. Even explaining your beliefs may not work. I’ve known some who boast that they were able to ‘break’ a Christian. Sometimes you just have to walk away. It’s hard to do, but it works.”
“As a Christian, you have qualities that will make you attractive to others. So you have to be alert and back off when invited to do something immoral. Respect those qualities. Don’t sell out!”
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BE HER HERO!
If you’re dating, do you really care for your girlfriend? Then show her that you have . . .
● the strength to uphold God’s laws
● the wisdom to avoid tempting circumstances
● the love to look out for her interests
If you do, likely your girlfriend’s feelings will be similar to those of the Shulammite, who said: “My dear one is mine and I am his.” (Song of Solomon 2:16) In short, you’ll be her hero!
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When it comes to conduct with the opposite sex, a good rule to follow is this: If it’s something you wouldn’t want your parents to observe you doing, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
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Engaging in premarital sex is an abuse of God’s gift. It’s like taking a beautiful painting that someone gave you and using it as a doormat